This morning while my friend Susan was driving back from carpool she decided to complain about the sun. The conversation went something like this:
Susan: The sun this morning is relentless. I can barely see. I think it’s because I have such blue eyes that I’m so sensitive to the light.
Me: (mocking in a overly dramatic proper accent, ala Stewie from Family Guy) Ohhh, the curse. Oh, me with my blue eyes and the blond hair. How do I get through the day? You may think you know the intensity of the light Jenny, but you have no idea you with your doody brown eyes. You don’t even know the true beauty that is all around us.
Susan: Seriously, I almost had to pull over last week. Light eyes are really sensitive.
Me: Really, you are going to continue? Tell this to one of your Arian friends in the club you can start on facebook. You need people to commiserate with.
Susan: Oh shit I just almost hit a car.
Me: Well, it must be the boobs. Ohhh, damn these perky boobs! Jenny, you have no idea what it’s like to be so buxom. They get in the way of everything. A three-point turn is like solving a Rubics cube. Oh, and the skinniness. I can barely turn the wheel I am so frail, with my skin and bones. It is so hard to be blond, blue-eyed, big bosomed, and skinny. Those flat-chested brown-eyed girls like you really have it made. They have no idea the obstacles I must overcome.
I’m sensing you are complaining about your endowments. I take offense. But you know us light eyed girls have a tough time seeing the humor. Only kidding I was laughing out loud.
It’s rough being Susan’s sister when you’re flat chested and you have doody brown hair and eyes!
So much info. What ever happened to your color lenses? Susan could get brown lenses, hair dye, surgery and gain lots of weight. She’d be perfect. Very Very funny!!
Jen you have no idea what issues big boobs create:
1. People (Men) talk to your chest
2. The Impossibility of a two piece bathsuit fitting
3. Jogging and having your boobs smack you in the face
4. Breast feeding and running the risk of smothering your child!!!
Need I say more?
P.S. You crack me up
Bravo! I would never have admitted it out loud, but I agree. There’s something almost unnatural about those overly skinny, overly endowed, blonds, or even the Sex & the City girls. Thanks for standing up for “real” women!
Very funny although you hardley have anything to complain about yourself. 🙂 I kind of figured you were talking about the Susan I know but I was sure when I saw the “Oh shit I almost hit a car” part.
I suppose that if she is an albino, with boobs that touch the steering wheel, she has a point, or points, or…
sorry–would have responded earlier but my oh so blue eyes caused me to be temporarily blinded from the glare of my monitor and then my big boobs got in the way of the key board!! no more friendly 7:30am chit-chat w/you–i see where it gets me!
and oh by the way–it must by sooooooooo tough being you–with the perfectly flat stomach after 2 kids, mile long legs and the ass that can stop traffic!
It is no picnic being a brunette with big boobs and doody brown eyes either!
Amen Sister!
And it’s no picnic being a straight white man…oh wait, I guess it is a picnic.
My bad.
Oh my god, you had me on the floor with this one. Preach it, sister!
SUSAN’S YOUR FRIEND???? I MAKE A POINT NOT TO HAVE ANY FRIENDS THAT LOOK LIKE THAT!!! BITCHES!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are frigging hilarious and even though I am a blonde with big boobs, I take no offense because I am solid (polish/german heritage) and FAAAAR from skinny so no stereotyping here. But holy crap, your next post on “reading the dog a story and letting the son out” had me LOLZing at my desk. Thanks for the read while on my break!
P.S. Also, I don’t know what the hell your friend is talking about but I have light eyes and have NO problem seeing. Weird.