Dear Readers - Day 32 - Things Invented at Camp Out of Necessity

Dear Readers (Day 32 at Camp Lenox),

dance night

Brilliant things I invented out of necessity: SO, we just had a DJ at camp. Honestly, I love dancing. You know who does not love me dancing? Most kids that are the age of campers. There’s that factor … and also, I was in my Uggs and a sweatshirt, but I was not going to let those things be setbacks. No, I danced with my favorite counselors and campers. I showed my skillz, I raised the roof, did the hip hop modified Cabbage Patch I’ve been working on, threw out a retro running man… Oh yeah, I did my best moves, but I realized my moves, which I thought were pretty darn fly (using those terms to describe them is a sign that they are anything but), were not by comparison.

That is how I, (out of necessity) thought up the most brilliant dancing style and I’m pretty sure if I hone it and put it on DVD I’ll be able to sell it to the masses and ensure they’ll be a hit at every upcoming camp dance, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, Sweet 16, and school prom they chaperone.

I’m calling it Dance Magic or maybe Abraca-dancing (not sure yet, so refrain from using either as I’m copyrighting the terms as I write this). Anyway, Abraca-Dancing will be irresistible and anyone who is proficient at it, will be da’ bomb, yo.

Let me explain with a couple scenarios:

1. You’re kickin’ your fly moves to some song and you only know the chorus, but all the kids know every word. That’s OK, you should be proud, at least you know the chorus, but to be accepted, you’ll probably want to distract others from your obvious missed word mouthing. This is a great time to reach across the little dance circle you’re in and mouth, “Oh snap … is that a penny behind your ear?” then (while moving rhythmically, you pull out a coin and show the other dancers). “Whaaaaat?” Throw a made up gang sign and you’re a magical rockstar.

2. Say Talk Dirty to Me comes on (not the one we all know and love by Poison — I kinda had a thing for C.C. DeVille) and everyone starts to do some weird slide based maneuver that you just can’t pick up: You look across to your fellow dancers and point to your pocket where a bit of a handkerchief is poking out. You nod your head to the beat while pointing to it, as if to say, “It’s yours… go ahead grab it.” (I mean what teen/young adult would turn down a handkerchief?) Then they’d pull it and it would just keep going — one tied to the next, to the next and so on. You could add some cool backing up step, to imply your body is down for the party, but your face would be all business with an expression that says “What the hell is happening here? Does it ever end? Even I am amazed!” (selling it is key). Then finally, they’d get to the end … as the song also came to an end: embarrassing moment averted, awesomeness revealed.

3. Now, let’s say everyone is twerking. Maybe you can twerk, maybe you can’t, but it doesn’t matter because you’re not about to twerk with a bunch of kids 10-20 years your junior. It’s gross. You may not think it’s gross, but they’ll think so. And being gross is what people will use Abraca-dancing to avoid. This is the time to pull out the big guns because your grossness will be trumped by the sheer embarrassment you’ll feel, caught in the middle of kids twerking.

You will not only want to deflect from the twerking, you’ll want to stop it all together. Reach down to your toes, as if you’re about to twerk and come up with a fake bouquet. Then (while showing it rhythmically to the crowd), tap it on another dancer, cup your hand around it and turn it into a dove. Then open your hands and let if fly away. Do this over and over — tap, dove, set free, tap, dove … until the song ends. Note: You’ll wanna have 12-14 doves handy.

Of course, if none of these work, you can always make yourself disappear.

SWAK

~ Jenny From the Bunk