Today, I took my daughter to the pediatrician for her 5 year check up. I know I probably should have been concerned about how she was going to freak out about the 4 vaccines and finger prick that are required to move on to Kindergarten, but I was too preoccupied what she was touching in the waiting room. I am one of those irrational parents that is forced by serious neurosis to take my kids to the doctor over every phlegmy cough. Unfortunately, I am also one of those parents who is quite sure that bringing kids to the doctor’s office pretty much guaranties that they pick up some other snotty kid’s infection, which is far worse than their own. So, you can imagine how going in for a well-check really throws me for a loop.
As I surveyed the waiting room, I noticed that the plastic kitchen in the corner was dripping with mucus. No, I didn’t bring my black light but, a baby had just finished mouthing the oven handle and I’m quite sure his sister picked her nose and tried to cook her reward in the faux microwave. A meal my daughter could be talked into eating. You can’t get her to eat a string bean, but if there’s a stray piece of eye crust, snot, or ear wax around she’s your man.
There is a clear delineation of moms in the room, the First Timers, with their babies in strollers and their hand sanitizer hanging from anything with a loop: belt buckles, pocketbooks, hoop earrings. The Been There, Done That’s. Those are the moms who have more than 3 kids. They let their kids pretty much touch, mouth, lick, and eat off anything. They’re the moms who let their sick kids play in the “well” area and their well kids play in the “sick” area. They are mostly concerned with a head count “Everyone’s accounted for? Have at it.” Then there are moms like me, the Hypocrites; They let their kids play with the “well” toys even when they’re not so well, but scoff at other moms who do the same. They forget to carry sanitizer, but expect you to share yours and make their kids wash their hands as they pass the bathroom. If there is a bar of soap rather than a pump they perform the ever popular and totally ironic, “Soap Reset.” That’s when you take a minute to wash the bar down, hence removing the dirt left on the soap by the previous user, leaving the soap clean. They also assume that your kid is there for the Swine Flu even if you mention they have a simple earache.
After scoffing at a few moms and asking my daughter to breathe as little as possible we were called back. When I got to the exam room, I perused the books in the and wondered if anyone ever taken a can of Lysol to them and if so, did they open each page and spray? I think not, “Honey, just read the cover of that book, JUST the COVER. Can’t you play with things that are wrapped, like the tongue depressors and those strep sticks?” “Sure,” she said, and went on to drop one, then picked it up and reinserted it in her mouth. “Hello. There’s no 5 second rule at the doctors.” I mean, everyone knows that.
When I left the doctor, I felt totally guilty for exposing my daughter to the kinds of kids that need to go to the doctor in the first place. I would have gotten great pleasure out of living in Laura Ingles time, when doctors made house-calls. But then they probably didn’t know how to properly sterilize their tools back then, and people were constantly dying from pneumonia, and splinters that got infected. No, this way is much better. I’ll take my chances.
Oh totally gross and YUK!!!! I’m so glad my kid goes to the adult doctor now that she’s grown. Kids’ doctors offices are scarry.
Two things. I spelled “schmerms” wrong in previous comment. And, isn’t it a form of vaccination just sitting in a doctor’s office anyway? subjecting oneself to a small dosage of the pathogen in order to stimulate the immune system to build anitbodies? maybe small is the key word, maybe the innoculation is gargantuan at the doctors office…
Thanks a lot Kim, cough, sneeze, you did it alright! Nancy, I love that you wrote back in to correct the spelling of Schmerms, you never want to spell that word wrong.
GACK! Oh sorry. I am sick…you may want to sterilize your screen now. I am sure some of that got on you…
It’s it amazing, why would a child go to the doctor when he is sick, especially with a fever or running noses and coughing up green phlegm, but yet that’s when the doctor wants you to bring your children to the office so the doctor can check him or her out. Seems the child should be in bed, under a lot of covers, with an atomizer blowing steam in his face. Bring back the days of housecalls. I’ll be the first to start a petition…
I had similar problems when my daughter was a kid. I found a no touch Doctor. His office was outdoors. . He’d look at my child, and after the diagnosis, would dance around her wearing his headress, swinging a live chicken over her head. The ritual, bedrest and Tylenol usually cured her within a week. Surprisingly, few people if any were waiting to be seen.
Barry- I remember that Dr. I thing he worked outside a Roy Rogers and I’m not sure that chicken was live, I think it was fried. Bedrest and a trip to the fixins bar was usually the cure.
the germs in the doctor’s office never hindered the growth of my 2 boys, now a healthy combined weight of nearly 400 lbs. and nearly 12 ft. long (in you measured both head to toe).
but that finger prick! it was feared more than any monster in the closet or under the bed. we’d have to show up “just in time” so he didn’t have too much time to make a break for it! not much time to be in contact with any germs.
it’s funny now with all this worry over germs. when i was a kid, we were around all sorts of people and dirt and germs…..and lived.
Nancy made the spelling correction on “schmerms,” but now has a typo on the word antibodies (anitbodies). No need for her to repost. I just made the correction for her.
Not to be a stickler. I think the correct spellin is schlerms.
I love this! I can totally relate. This year when I took Redick for a well-check the Swine Flu, the crud, and other viruses were running rampant. As I checked in, I noticed the waiting room was full of runny noses, red, gooey eyes, and wet, hacking coughs. There was not a safe seat in the house! I told the check in girl that my son and I would wait outside in the building lobby until we were called. I told her I was a germophobe and the situation was causing me anxiety. She replied, “Well there’s just as many germs at Wal-Mart.” I agreed and began to explain (and exaggerate) the things I do to protect myself from germs at Wal-mart. She cut me off and said, “Fine, I will let the nurse know to get you from the lobby.” My poor son…