Husband for Sale: Seller is Very Motivated

Priced to Sell!!!

Do people keep calling you to see if you’re motivated to sell your house?  These queriers have totally taken over the “You’ve won a vacation” peeps as my number one cold call.

“Do you plan on selling your house any time soon?”

Um, no.   I love my house, the view of the lake the crystal blue pool, the royal palms… Why do you have someone who wants to buy it?  Let’s be honest, anything’s for sale.


Just kidding…

(No seriously, anything.)

“Well, ma’am you’ve been there 8 years and that’s the time most people sell.  Is your husband motivated?”

Originally, we were planning to have sold by now, but then the market took a dive and the economy and… Wait, are you saying we’re not earning enough?  Are you saying that my husband should have saved enough after 8 years to upgrade and we’re just slacking over here?

My husband will be Motivated to kick your ass, good sir.

Well, probably not, as he’s a bit lazy. Once he gets home and settles in front of a game he won’t be up for a fight, but I guarantee if you were at my house he would NOT offer you a beer.  Though, that’s not as much of a statement against you and your insinuation as it is that he’s really a terrible host.

What, there’s no game on tonight?  Doesn’t matter, he’ll actually watch a game he’s already seen on ESPN’s Classic channel.

I know, it’s no wonder we’re not making more coin.  Frankly, any person willing to rewatch a game in which he already knows the outcome and has no bearing on the current sports situation has some issues.

So you can see my predicament. Do you know anyone who wants to buy my husband?  I’d like to make enough to buy a new house. All of a sudden I feel like it’s time.

Yes, I was being serious sir, I never joke about money… and I’m not enjoying your tone. Also, I don’t appreciate you calling and telling me that my husband is a lazy bum and throwing it in my face that we’ve been stuck in this horrible house for at least 8 years with no move in sight.

“So do you think you’ll sell within the next 12 months?”

YOU seem motivated, what are you wearing?
In unrelated news:

7 thoughts on “Husband for Sale: Seller is Very Motivated

  1. cherie

    Can I throw my husband in with yours. I’m sure if we try we could get some more sellers and offer them off in dozens…you know cheaper by the dozen. This could be a new job for you. Since we are getting rid of our husbands, we will need some extra cash. Keep em coming.

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