Sticking It To The Man

 

Before the NASDAQ bubble of 1999 popped, I used to be the Man.Now in light of current economic conditions, I am getting joy out of sticking it to him.This money consciousness is not new to me.As an ex-personal shopper for the very wealthy, I know the importance of finding a bargain; because shockingly no one dislikes parting with money more than those who have it.

It probably seems obvious that in these rough financial waters I should stop buying coffee at Starbucks and make it home for 1/100th the cost, but I say “nay.” And I rarely say “nay,” unless I’m singing Old MacDonald.Like you, I am addicted to Starbucks, and fear what vice I might take up in it’s absence.Cocaine?Gambling?Cat juggling?Who’s to say?Therefore, I will continue to give Starbucks my hard earned dough and vow to bankrupt them with my ever popular “Ghetto Latte.”It requires two, I mean dopio, shots of espresso and a grande cup of ice.I add milk and voila, iced grande latte for half the price.

Unfortunately, the staff at Starbucks is trained to look for such wily money saving tactics, so if you plan on ordering this drink the barista may warn you and then the manager may ban you a week later, hypothetically speaking of course.I mean, I wouldn’t know this for sure. I am just guessing at how they might crack down on “ghetto lattes” or filling your baby’s bottle from the fixin’s bar, when you just happen to be in the neighborhood, every 3 hours.

Last week I had my daughters 4th birthday.I spent hundreds maybe thousands of dollars on balloons from Oriental Trading.I had a ton of latex pinks, purples and lavenders, plus, mylar balloons in the shapes of cell phones, life sized Bratz dolls, purses, lipsticks, and diaphragms (you know, “girlie” stuff.)

The supermarket charges a dollar per latex and two per mylar, to blow them up.“It seems a bit much for air.Last year they didn’t charge me at all,” I said hoping to strike up a deal.“You’re right, but the price is the price.”“I do have quite a lot of balloons here,” I nudged on, still trying to negotiate.“Maim, this price hike came down from corporate. I can’t change it for you.”

I knew he wouldn’t budge, by the tone of his voice.It was like a chipmunk.Apparently, he found it amusing to take a drag from the tank before putting his foot down.This is an example of the “Man” high on power.That’s right I called the guy who works the helium tank the “Man.”

So do you know what I did?I bought that air and then the next day when I went to throw away the latex balloons that last all of 97 minutes.I cut the ribbon off each one and put it with my gift-wrapping stuff.That’s right, I showed him.The next time I have to wrap a present, no larger than a 6 inch square, for a little girl or effeminate boy, he’ll be sorry.Of course, the disposal of my non-Earth friendly latex balloons will sit in some landfill for 200 years decomposing, and most likely end up choking a baby seagull.But, I will think of the birthday girl’s smile, and lay guiltlessly on my seagull down pillows.

Now your thinking this girl is so brilliant it’s scary, or maybe you’re just plain scared.However, my most genius strike at the “Man” happened today.I was making eggs for my daughter this morning and one was yucky inside.One brown organic, cage free, extra omega egg that probably cost about fifteen bucks.That’s a ballpark figure, but I think I’m close.I would never feed such an egg to my daughter, and my husband wasn’t around, so I did the next smartest thing.I went in my yard and planted it.That’s right, and soon I will grow a chicken tree. Before, you know it I’ll be out there, on a crisp 95degree Florida autumn morning, picking chickens.Then I’ll have all the eggs in the WORLD!!! Who will have the last cluck then “Man”? Who?

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18 thoughts on “Sticking It To The Man”

  1. Kelly

    You tell ’em! Can’t wait to see pics of your chicken tree! Brilliant, I tell you. Absolutely Brilliant.

    And P.S. I totally save the ribbon from my kid’s balloons.

    P.P.S. I’m also going to get myself a ghetto latte this very day.

  2. mom23guys1girl

    You crack me up but do not blog nearly enough…I need a good laugh every day. Don’t make me get my Man on you!!! Thanks for the smile!

  3. Erica

    sticking it to the man, I Love this post I will think of you the next time anyone orders an iced doppio in a grande cup, while thinkng I have no idea they know how to work the system. Funny thing is I know exactly what they are doing…truth is I am in on it and I fully respect them for sticking it to the man!!

  4. barry

    Very cool. I don’t know where some of these thoughts come from, probably better off. Love your chicken tree. Another amazing piece. Keep Clucking.

  5. bari

    Jen,
    When you pluck those chickens
    Could you make me a coat?
    Bari
    PS great writing, you’ve earned the coop

  7. julie

    for you to come up with this stuff….someone’s gotta be spikin’ your “ghetto latte!” lol!!!!!!!

  8. nancy schutt

    wow thats so bizarre, I do exactly the same thing at Starbucks but in a small cup of ice and with half and half- which is totally sticking it to them- even more with the extra fat. I bet you used non-fat so maybe it’s time to upgrade.
    I thought it was called an iced dopio tho.
    Other than that, i really did not understand this article.

  9. Cherie

    This was so funny, I had to read it to everyone at the office and we were in hysterics. But next time you need to blow up so many balloons it might be cheaper to rent the hellium canister. Suzie wants to know where you
    come up with this stuff. She thinks you are a genius.

  11. Lily

    I love: ” I would never feed such an egg to my daughter, and my husband wasn’t around, so I did the next smartest thing.” Hilarious because I know you are serious about that.;-)

  12. jamie

    Found this post through Mixx, and it made my day. Do you travel with your kids? If so, please consider yourself officially invited to guest on my site any time.

  15. Momma Sue

    Even though I own a cafe and I threw two old ladies to the curb yesterday and dumped their ghetto lattes on their heads while screaming “Who’s got milk now old lady?”, I think your post was right on and made me laugh out loud.

  17. Seth

    You are correct. Ignore the government. The only way out of this mess is to stop spending, not to keep spending. Spending money we either didn’t have, or on products that we really didn’t need, is part (only part) of what caused this mess, i.e., our priorities got all screwed up. (The rest of the blame can be assigned to a corruption of the basic monetary system, but began a long time ago.)

    Thrift and savings were what built this country and they are what are necessary for capitalism exist — think about it. To be a capitalist, you have to have capital — that means savings. You can’t just print up the money, which is exactly what we’ve been doing for decades. What is amazing that it’s actually taken this long for the economy to collapse; that speaks to amazing quantity of wealth that was already plundered.

    So yes, keep making your own coffee, however, I would advise you against putting your savings in the bank, or even to keep in in U.S. dollars, as the government is only going to inflate it (i.e. devalue it by printing more money under the cover of “stimulus.”) Instead, invest in things you need, non-perishable food, pay off your mortgage, buy other non-inflated real-estate (if you have a lot of savings, perhaps even real estate outside of the U.S.), and hedge those investments with positions in gold, silver, and other currencies (those can always be liquidated later if their value falls or the dollar regains stability).

    Obama is being honest when he is admits that the economy is not going to be getting better soon. It may indeed be years, or decades (especially given Obama’s poor choice of economic advisors). So, buckle down and plan for the long haul.

    It took almost a century to create this mess, it won’t be undone overnight. It’s not fair to our generations, but hey, it’s not like we can dig up our grandparents and put them on trial. We’re just going to have to tough it out, and, in the meantime, take some responsibility for learning a bit more about economics than our predecessors did. A good place to start is: http://www.mises.org

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