If you are anything like me you feel like a teenager most of the time… maturity wise.I am certainly not a teenager in the sense of stamina, agility, or intelligence.G-d knows I was a hell of a lot speedier, stretchier, and smarter at 18 than I am today.

I have no recall of history, math, scientific facts, people’s names, or “SAT words.”I search those cracks and crevices in the far reaches of my mind and find proverbial cobwebs.I do Sudoku, crosswords, and challenge people who I haven’t seen in 25 yrs. to word games on facebook.I try to get those synapses to shoot or fire or snap crackle and pop.Yet, I can barely extract a word to describe the actual word or concept I was trying to convey in the first place.

I don’t know if you understood any of that last sentence, as I could not figure out how to get across what I was trying to say.Thinking is sometimes like a circular argument.Like trying to figure out what was here before the universe.I wish that I could comment on such cerebral subjects.Unfortunately, it took all of my brain power to come up with the word cerebral.Hey, there’s always tomorrow.

I must have acquired adult ADD or what I like to call Momnesia. A lot of people like to call it “Baby Brain,” which is a phenomenon that supposedly occurs during the first 6 months after childbirth, in which the Mother is, well, stupid.I too am stupid, but it’s been 3 and a half years since I had a 6 month old.

I loose my thoughts, my keys, names of famous people for references in witty banter. Friends are stood up, meetings are missed, and appointments are remembered only after a reminder call (if I think to check my messages).I walk into a room or a closet with such purpose and when I arrive, I just stand there and stare, trying to figure out why I went there in the first place.If you relate to these symptoms, than you have “Momnesia.”

You forget to return phone calls, and leave your child’s lunchbox in the fridge.You find a credit card in your pocket one day after you finally cancel it.You lock your infant in your car while it’s still running.You throw your good sunglasses in the bin after a Disney show and wear the 3-D glasses on your head for the next 3 hours.

You seriously have some issues.I would recommend a good therapist, but I only see mine once a month, and therefore can not remember his name.However, I do get a lovely call from his office every couple weeks letting me know that I have missed an appointment and owe a nice chunk of dough.Which seems a bit ironic considering most of what we talk about is my inability to keep thoughts and appointments in my head.

I can picture him at our consultation, “Ah, you have memory problems?Snicker snicker.Did you sign the contract about the office practices and policies?”Unfortunately, his office doesn’t believe in reminder calls, and lucky for me they also don’t believe in taking insurance.I must be his favorite patient, for every time I see him I pay him thrice.$275 a pop… that’s the equivalent of a dress from Nordstroms, or a blouse from Saks, or a bra from Neimans, or socks from Bergdorfs.

Hey Doc, how did your daughter’s braces work out?No thanks necessary, however, a reminder call would be nice.

If you enjoyed this post please subscribe in the box to the right or bookmark it.