Read on for a hilarious story about a desperate housewife and $5 off each swim lesson.

For clarification, this is not Mr. Jeff

My five year old little flower, has a tendency to be a bit… Valley Girl.  I don’t know if it’s all the Bratz movies influencing her to make phone calls that start with OMG and end with TTYL, but it’s something.  I certainly don’t handle calls to my friends that way, though I did tend to write SWAK on the back of every letter I sent from camp.  Whatever the cause, the attitude has made giving her any kind of lesson, or even the smallest smidgen of constructive criticism, near impossible.

As she was nearing five, I decided it was time to teach her how to swim.  I live in Florida, so this is an endeavor that I started at the Y when she was six months old.  At that time, she bawled so hysterically that I decided she didn’t need to be a So. FL. water-baby like my neighbors’ kids, who could swim across the pool to be breast fed. Continue reading →