A couple weeks back, I went to my son’s school as a volunteer for his holiday class party. In an attempt to be overly PC they had all the usual non-denominational stuff: snow flake making, a toilet paper snowman contest, and other things related to snow and not Chanukah menorahs or Christmas trees or whatever kwanza has… like, kangaroos. Frankly, I don’t know if there’s a Kwanza Kangaroo, but I like to think there is one.
Every holiday needs a mildly creepy ambassador. I mean, there’s Santa Clause for X-mas. He’s a fat, jolly, old guy that likes to have children on his lap, which is kinda disturbing. There’s a Hanukkah Harry, who sounds like a drunken trench coat wearing uncle who may flash you in front of the menorah, and I assume – there’s a Kwanza Kangaroo, who let’s you feel in his pocket for presents and for pleasure.
Not the Creepy Kangaroo you were picturing, or is it?
I may have just massacred the mascots of three religions at once. And to think I wasn’t a part of the politically incorrect story I’m about to tell.
Moving on. We were in the midst of making snowflakes, which had to have a picture of the student glued on the front. I grabbed some of those tiny 1×2” pictures and started giving them to their respective owners. I can barely tell the girls apart with the feathers in their hair and the Justice accessories, but I managed, then I came across an Asian child. He was one of many Asian children in the class.
Hello, it’s gifted.
I don’t want to say he’s Chinese because I always get that stuff wrong, and then I seem ignorant.
As you can tell from the story thus far, I hate to sound ignorant. Though to be fair, I wouldn’t expect you to know me from a Canadian.
I put the child’s picture at the back of my pile, to be certain I was giving it to the right Asian child.
Not that they all look alike.
I mean, if that’s where your head was going, then I’m quite sure you’re guilty of racial profiling.
Shame on you.
I, on the other hand was concerned that in this cripplingly PC society, that had I given the wrong picture to the wrong child and he happened to be Asian, I would be perceived as being prejudiced myself. Though if I’d given a feather laden girl the wrong pic, we’d have laughed it off.
As I walked over to the child whose picture was last in my pile, I saw him holding another picture in his hand.
Holy shit, I am guilty, I can’t tell them apart. This is horrible, I have to stop being so preachy to other people.
Shame on me!
Then, I looked at the picture in his hand and realized that HE was holding the wrong picture, not I.
OMG the irony.
I tried to hand him his picture, which he was reluctant to trade, sure he had the correct one.
“No, this is you.” I said.
I mean, if you can’t tell yourself from another child of similar decent, than I think the rest of us are in the clear here. Phew, one less PC thing to worry about.
And the best part, I made it out of this scenario somehow unscathed and totally PC
What did I learn: Asian children have trouble telling themselves from other Asian children… It must be the pocket protectors and the ping pong paddles they carry around with them.
Relax, I was just kidding, you can’t play ping pong in school, though they did look like this:
Well, like this but, younger and with black socks and sandals.
May we all be a bit less PC in the New Year.
That was too funny. I know, you have to be so careful or everyone is all over you. I mean, I love when real life just doesn’t play by the rules.
OMG This whole pc thing has gotten out of control and it’s true, you would have totally been berated if you gave the wrong pic to an asian child. We could all just get along and be a bit less sensitive at the same time, no?
I agree, plus I’m really bad at being politically correct. I heard Me So Horny on satellite the other day and I sang it all the way through.
Jenny, ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! You crack me up!
Too, too funny. I guess you really have to be careful not to hurt someone’s feelings by being politically incorrect. But it happens in the work place too often, so I guess it happens at school as well. It’s a shame we have to think about it and can’t just do without thinking am I saying the right thing…
Being PC is so hard. I can’t ever put a name to a face, unless that face is so different like an afroeurojew. Oops, was it ok that I said that? I just call everyone “hey”. It works for me. I love your posts and look forward to many more faux paus in the new year.
Ahhh, the AfroEuroJew’s their faces are always unmistakable.
This is hysterical. I think I have a new blogger to follow.
And thanks for confirming that which I always suspected — that asians can’t even tell themselves apart. Looking at family photos must be impossible. Is that Uncle Kim or Uncle Cho?
I’m too scared to touch this comment Jesse, but it definitely depends on how much eggnog one has consumed.
Well I’m horribly offended. In Sunday School we learned it is Santa Clause. You must be thinking of the German version.
In other polital incorrectness. We hired 3 guys from Palu last year. We have several hispanics (who insist they are NOT hispanic but “Fucking Mexican”) who have worked for us for decades. Every now and then one of the supervisors will say something in Spanish to one of the Palu guys (who are essentially the same golden suntan as the hispanics) and the whole crew will reply “he ain’t a fucking Mexican. What you think we all look alike.” I just wish they’d stop swearing when we’re working in churches.
One supervisor once suggest they just learn Spanish like the rest of us and Mac (from Palu) just asked if it wasn’t enough that he spoke Japanesse, Mandarin and English?
I imagine that’s an interesting Church to go to. Did I write Claus? OH, I have to change it that’s too embarrassing Clause looked wrong caus I kept thinking of the movie The Santa Clause. I’m soooo Jewish huh?
Please. Kwanza? I was just thinking about that – frankly, I’m not even sure not black people are buying it as a real holiday…enjoyed your column!
I know, Kwanza’s a hard sell right. I know many black people and not one who celebrates it. Hmmm, maybe if they had a kangaroo or got the rights to Cap’t Kangaroo they’d have more luck. Just a thought.
Hi Jenny – I live in Hong Kong and it might surprise you to know that “Westerners” look all the same to Hong Kongers. On a funny side note, in a conversation with my husband’s coworker, we reviewed our weekend activities (hiking, dining out, etc.) to which she replied, “Wow – you are real Hongkies!” Which, if you say the word aloud….
What do you mean they can’t tell us Westerners apart??? WTF? I mean we have such different features and we’re each soooo unique. I’m totally offended, yet I feel slightly better about my column. I love the last line, it made me giggle aloud.
I used to be a teacher, and I had this problem frequently…but it was with the girls who all died their hair the same fake blond color!!! I had three girls in one class who were the same height, body type, and they all had the same horrid dye job. I never got their names straight, ever.