I was asking people their thoughts on positive thinking when my manicurist, Sandy told me a story about finding her “By the time I’m 40” wish list. One of the items on the list was not to do the nails of an elderly lady at her home in the evening anymore. She didn’t have the heart to cancel her weekly appointments, which had been long standing. “And would you believe it, the woman died right before my 40^th birthday? For a while I thought I killed her,” she explained with an odd sense of accomplishment. “Talk about powerful thinking. What a stroke of luck.” “Yeah,  I don’t know if luck is the word for that kind of stroke. I’m betting she would have preferred that you simply canceled on her.”

That tale made me realize that more interesting than the power of positive thinking, is the power we give our thoughts. I should probably warn you, I can control things with my mind. Bad things. Like many people raised with Judeo Christian values, I was taught through guilt and fear of jinxes. In Judaism it’s called a kinahura, in Christianity it’s knock on wood. The idea is not to tempt fate.

Though I am a pretty positive thinker, I mostly control negative occurrences. For example, if it’s raining it is most likely because I contemplated bringing an umbrella with me that day and ended up leaving it home, or at the very least I had my car washed. I take full credit and I apologize.

My husband is a genetically positive thinker or just a cocky bastard. He says things that I literally choke on like, “Don’t worry, what do you think could happen?” I recently convinced myself that a three hour power outage was part of a terrorist operation to attack Weston, and you want ME to conjure a list of possible mishaps?

On our way to Atlantis he said something like, “We never lose at that casino. In fact I’m on a winning streak. I can’t even remember the last time I lost gambling.” I say, “Gag, gag. I’m sure you’ve lost and you just don’t recall,” in a vein attempt to appease the gods of humility. So we rush down to the craps table and he excitedly throws down a pile of chips and do you know what happens. That’s right, he wins and I lose.

I read ‘The Secret,’ like everyone else. Why, today I verbalized my need for a good parking spot and as I was about to pass the front row with no spots in sight said, “I don’t understand… I imagined it to be so!”  At that very second, out of no where, a car began to back up right in front of me.  I mean hello?  Coincidence?  The truth is, I get a spot in front of the grocery store every time because, gosh darn it, I just know I will. Also, my lazy ass is prepared to circle the lot for an abnormally long time.

I wish for good things, and I believe they will happen. Everyday, I am sure it will be the day I win the lottery. I wish it to be true. I visualize it happening. I plan how I am going to blow my money and yet I have never won. I’m sure there are other factors that go into determining such an outcome. For instance not buying lottery tickets probably affects my chances in some remote way.

I envision myself having a column in the NY Post and a morning talk show. I know you enjoy my writing so much that you will write a long glowing comment and then send the blog to all of your friends with an attachment that calls me the most brilliant writer you’ve ever encountered. Either that or you will quickly erase your email subscription while mumbling, cocky bitch. Just for the record, I visualize you choosing the first option.

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