Notice only me and the Doc are laughing.
So, here’s the back story: I met an awesome Today Show producer at the Mom 2.0 conference a couple weeks ago and we totally hit it off (PS she co-wrote Sh*tty Mom, which you may have heard of, as it was a NY Times bestseller). Anyhoo, very funny chick and completely D2E (that’s Down to Earth).
I just made that up and I think it’s something a person who is not at all D2E would write, which makes me enjoy the irony in it.
Moving on … Tuesday I got an email from her saying they are looking for a humorist.
“Holy fuck, I know a humorist,” I responded … and my heart started to pound out of my chest (and continued to do so until morning of the shoot).
Within 16 hours I was on a plane. I’m pretty sure I could’ve put a defibrillator to good use, but all they offered me was a bag of peanuts.
By some miracle (and Xanax), I actually fell asleep in my hotel that night, even though I wanted to continue to memorize my anecdotes and sound bytes… and play out how I would react to Hoda and Kathie Lee.
~~~
(the squiggly lines are to imply this is how I laid it out)
I would make some comment that ended with “…and that’s why it’s important to wear pants, Hoda. I mean, am I right?”
Hoda would say “Hahahaha good one, Jenny.” and Kathie Lee would just laugh.
Then I would give them a chance to catch their breath before closing out the story with something like, “ain’t that a kick in the arse?”
~~~
Then I ran the whole scenario over again, except this time Hoda and Kathie Lee wouldn’t laugh at all, and I would have to quickly save face from my pant-less joke and say something profound and brilliant about pants and tailors.
(I had all the possible outcomes covered.)
In the morning I woke up pumped. Not nervous, but excited. I knew my shtick and my bits. It was all thought out and edited… and scrapped… and rewritten… and practiced to look natural, as if it was all off the cuff.
I toddled myself out of the room and walked six blocks with all my luggage in tow — like a real New Yorker. Well, If New Yorkers had to walk around with luggage, that is. Which they probably wouldn’t because they live there, so that’s a bad analogy because it actually me look like anything but a New Yorker. 
I went to hair and makeup and chilled with some peeps…
Josiah Hawley totally asked me to take a pic with him, so I obliged because I’m awesome like that. I guess he realizes I will be famous one day. Still it’s always cheesy when someone asks to take a pic with a celeb or a celeb to be. You know?
Nichelle Pace (wearing some fabulous shoes) AKA StyleMom , who I know from the internets, but it turns out is a fan of my blog. And my Sh*tty Mom friend, Alicia who was wearing who rocked her necklace that was possibly giving her lead poisoning.
The Sh*tty Mom (seen above), came and hung with me for the rest of the day. We laughed and of course invented a couple of items that will totally make infants look slutty. Like baby fishnets (and other things I can’t discuss without the proper patents).
And then came filming. I was so prepared, so ready. I walked onto the set and forgot all my preplanned blurbs, but luckily they came back to me and the segment took a totally off track turn and I got to use NONE of them.
None.
In fact, if I’m being honest, I didn’t speak much at all. Buuuuut I wasn’t sucky and “not sucky” is a win. The doctor that was on with me had a lot to say on the subject and I let her roll with it, thinking this 1 preplanned question (where I would get to talk about how my 8yo called me a hooker) would definitely get asked, but it didn’t … and then it was over.
Like a flash.
No pant-less punchline, no hooker story, I didn’t even get to mention that Betty White taught my kids the word “slut.”
She even carried my luggage. Who knew the Today Show producers were that hands on?
So my Sh*tty friend and I went to lunch and cheers-ed my taciturn Today Show debut!
Then I rushed to get my car which took me straight to JFK where I found out my flight was cancelled and I would need to turn back towards the city.
Extra hair and jewels crumpled up on the backseat of a car… like a teenagers jeans.
A 4 hour U-turn later I am here, at a new hotel writing this overly loquacious story.
The show will air Friday 5/24 between 10-11AM on NBC you should totally watch – but don’t blink or yawn or you’ll miss me.
XOXO-
Jenny
Enjoy the insanity on FB
Is that Josiah from The Voice?
I LOVE it! Congrats. That this awesome.
I could only see a small picture but I would recognize that 90210 hairstyle anywhere. 😉 Read your post but couldn’t comment as I was trying to get my kiddo to bed, but very very cool! Congrats to you!
I’ll be watching! Congrats Jenny!! Xo
You are so awesome. I’m so thrilled this worked out for you!!! And now we have another friend in common, which means I love you more!! To many more appearances… xoxo
How cool! And you couldn’t tell you had those extra slides of hair in! Loved your hooker story too. I met Hot Chelle Rae doing some pre-concert shopping with my 14 year old. We had our photo taken. The band boys were SWEET. When we left the shop. My daughter turned to me and said, OMG mum you were just like a cougar…
I so queerly asked him to take a pic with me but luckily no one called me a cougar. Well he did, but that’s all.
I cannot believe that connection was made at Mom 2.0. I guess you’ll be back next year! Super cool, Jenny. I’m happy for you. If being on the Today show wasn’t on your bucket list, obviously write a new one and then cross it off. Win!
You had an awesome hair day, cozied up next to a very hot guy who plays the guitar, and did not embarrass yourself on national television? That is an all-star morning right there — my dream morning isn’t even that good (i would settle for some waffles and an okay hair day).
Congrats on the debut and looking forward to your many return visits to the land of Hoda & KL.
Could you BE any MORE adorable? I mean really. Pfft. You put my Today Show debut to S-H-A-M-E. =) Way to go mama!! xoxoxo
Glad you had the experience. It may have been short but it was sweet! You were funny. Mission accomplished. Sometimes psychologists just talk too much!!!!!!!
I tuned in for the segment and that doctor hogged it up! Sorry, I am sure you had some great things to say. In other news – your necklace was fantastic! Hopefully you can go back!
My favorite part of this whole post is how you called her your “sh*tty friend.” I just love that. 🙂 And I just think it’s the coolest thing you were on Today. When you’re ultra famous (because in my book, you’re already famous if you were on Today), can you please remember that i called you “cool” and that if you’re ever looking for a somewhat humorous blogger/writer/mom person, that you’ll think of ME?!!
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How awesome! You should be so incredibly proud of yourself! That is so amazing to be featured on the Today’s Show! I would stutter like a total weirdo if Kathy Lee ever asked me a question. You did great!