This conversation actually happened. As a humor blogger, I see the “funny” in it, but it also opened my eyes to one possibility: My kids may not gonna take care of me in my old age.
About two years ago I was diagnosed with Orthostatic Sycopate. See: ( A Trip to the Cardiologist and How to Bloat up Fast for more on that) Anyway, bottom line: An electrical malfunction can happen with a sudden change in position that can cause a rapid drop in blood pressure… blood doesn’t get to the brain, brain is deprived of O2 and you lose consciousness. Now, since the diagnosis I haven’t passed out, though I’ve felt close a couple times. Well, yesterday was one of them. I realized that the Fat Burn powder boost the woman at Paradise smoothie put in my drink wasn’t exactly what my system needed. Well, I’m sure it didn’t help that the scoop of chromium picolinate and whatever else wasn’t going into a heart healthy shake, but rather a blend of soy milk, fro yo, and espresso. I know what you’re thinkin… yum right? Frankly, I needed that fat burn boost just to combat the calories in that one drink alone. Anywho, racy and overheated, I lied down on the floor and put my feet up on the wall… to get blood to my brain.
Me: “Um, Jack, I think I might pass out”
Jack: Frantically, “I’m calling 911.”
Me: Calmly, “Don’t call 911. I mean if I’m standing and just fall over, call 911, but if I mention it might happen and it does… call Daddy and he’ll tell you what to do.”
Jack listened and absorbed the pertinent course of action. Then he looked at me on the floor, “Um, okay. Bye” He then walked out and I heard the chime of someone continuing a game on Wii.
Me: “Uhh, Jack. JAAAACK”
Jack: “Whaaaat?”
Me: “I hate to interrupt your game, but could you come back for just a sec?”
Jack: Pause button hit, “What’s up?”
Me: “A minute ago you were ready to call 911 and then ‘bye?’ You don’t even want to stick around for a few minutes and make sure I stay conscious? How would you even know if I passed out?”
Jack: (In the same matter of fact way he said bye) “Okay.”
He then sat on the bed and asked me questions about calling 911 like, “Would they get mad if he called and I woke up?” Or “How do they know where to go?” Distracted by his own line of questioning he sat for another minute or two hopped off the bed and said “Okay, bye.”
Well, there goes the retirement home.
SHUT THE DOOR! I have orthostatic syncope, also.
No lie. Scaresme to death, though…but my kids now, they have to steady me.
Small world.
Alexandra — so random. I have met only one other person my age with it. I’ll have to get tips. Read the articles about the cardiologist and trying to bloat up with salt on my site, just search salt or bloat and they’ll crack you up!
It’s a sad reality that sons do not generally take care of their mothers in our old age. I remember a couple of years ago when my kids oh so casually mentioned putting me in a nursing home, just as I was asking them what I should pack them in their school lunch. You know what I packed for lunch? Big fat NOTHING. Pack your own lunches, you little selfish bastards!
Anyhow, I have a solution to the nursing home dilemma. Great daughters-in-law. If I can just make sure that at least ONE of my boys meets a nice girl which a HORRIFYING family (one she will gladly move away from) then I can swoop in, be the coolest most wonderful mother in law on the planet, and guilt HER into taking care of me when I am in adult diapers. Oh, and I’ll be SURE she knows she’s the only one in my will. Do I really care if she’s with me out of goodness or greed? Nah. I’m not picky. Oops…sorry to blog on your comment section!
Lori- Love it! I’m already worried that they girl my son marries won’t like me simply on principle! Tiffany, USUALLY my son is the more sensitive one… Always remembering when I’m hurt or don’t feel well and asking days after I’ve recuperated. He will take care of me, the girls are a bit more “Enough about you, let’s talk about me!” But having both is the funnest! Yes, that’s a word… I’m a writer and so I say it is.
So sorry you have this condition, that being said you may want to consider getting long term care insurance. A home health nurse just may have your back (well definately more so than a kid).
Now I’m really hoping my second pregnancy produces a girl. I have my son and now my nephew living with me and I am positive my 11 yr old nephew would do the exact same thing. I’m thinking it would be safer to get one of those “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” necklaces. 🙂
I’m still laughing. I love your style of writing! Boys can be sooo sensitive and than bam they’re on to the next it’s crazy!