This post is gonna have to be filed under: Brilliant ideas I have to make life easier for everyone! or maybe my Norma Rae moment. Wait, did you not get that reference? How about Network? “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”
No?
So, we’ve all discussed my bladder issues (you may recall the Momfession video where I outed myself) … Anyhoo, I was with my doc the other day and she asked if I ever hold it when I have to pee.
Me: You mean like Michael Jackson style or with my mind?
Doc: I guess, if I have to pick between those choices, I’d say with your mind?
Me: I mean, until I can get to a bathroom or if I’m really being lazy and don’t feel like getting up — I’ll just be uncomfortable until it goes away.
(Which I’d like to discuss with you guys sometime because… why does it go away???)
Anyhoo, she explained that doing that isn’t good for your bladder, but I say she’s wrong.
Me: Maybe I’m training my bladder. The next time I’m in a car or watching a bunch of kids perform and don’t know when my child is going on and I clearly can’t make it to a bathroom, my bladder will think it’s no big deal because I don’t let her go every single time she says boo.”
Doctor: “You’re not training your bladder.”
Me: “You’re right, I’m just making it a better organ. Let’s face it, she’s been spoiled (like my kids) all these years getting her way, running MY life. Telling ME when it’s time to go to the bathroom and thinking it’s so cute to mess with me (and my floors) when I sneeze or laugh or just don’t make it in time…
Sooo, I’m taking my bladder into my own hands.
Wait, that came out wrong.
I’m taking on bladder control.
Nope, still not right.
I’m just saying my bladder is about to get some tough love.
Alright, I’m gonna stop trying —
I think you get what I’m saying.”
Then I punctuated my sentence by running out of the office and slamming the door. That’ll show my doctor (and my bladder)! I would’ve ran straight past the check in desk , but I had to let them know there was a little cleanup in the hall.
Listen, I’d been holding it since the doctor mentioned “holding it” and then all that bladder talk and I could be wrong, but I think they were piping in the sounds of a waterfall … I clearly couldn’t excuse myself to use the bathroom during my rant and then I chose to run out which I should’ve given more thought, because running causes a lot of bouncing and well … I still think I made my point.
I mean organs, who needs em? Am I right?
XO
Jenny From the Blog
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It’s often a toss up which organ I hate the most – my bladder or my uterus. I think they’re in cahoots to make my life as miserable as they can while.
Bladders suck. I’m with you on the training thing. Let’s show Em who’s boss.
I’ve had my trained for a long time. Although after several hours of holding it in, I have been known to run for the bathroom, hopefully with no trails…lol
I hate my damn bladder. My love for coffee and the grand idea of childbirth has really left me hating it even more in my adult years.
P.S. Love your blog. LOVE your humor. We’d be a BFF match made in Heaven itself! Or the worlds most destructive duo… ha! 😉
I can’t relate with the bladder control but def can with bowel control. Or is it uncontrol or maybe illcontrol? The older I get the more my organs betray me. You handled the sitch perfectly. Peeing in the docs office would have lessen the effectiveness of your speech and we all know the importance of a good speech! #IndependenceDay