The explanation for memory problems #342 is actually titled: No one is named Chaka Khan. Yes, it may seem obscure, but I bet you’ve come across it once or twice. Well, if you, like me, have disabling brain fog (due to having once birthed a child, meds that don’t agree with your mind, or maybe some kind of Gluten sensitivity). I’m not saying I have a gluten allergy, but it’s super trendy to have one, so I may pick one up for Fall.
So, here is why Reason #341: They Charge a Fee For Forgetting Appointments Even if You’re Going to Talk to a Doctor about Forgetfulness, is no longer the final reason…
About a year ago, I met a girl who lives in my neighborhood while we walked our dogs.
She has a beautiful Dalmatian and I, of course, have an even more stunning Australian Shepard. I ran into her again last week, and not only did she remember my dog, she remembered my name. “Hey, you’re Jenny. We met walking a long time ago. I really love your dog, he’s stunning.”
Me: “Sure, you look so familiar, but the dog is new, right? (Surely, I would remember a big hulking Dalmatian.)
Girl: “Nope, same dog.”
Me: “Yes, of course. Who would forget a big beautiful Dalmatian?”
I asked her name, with little embarrassment (as it had been a year), and I walked away. I was so impressed that she had remembered mine, I decided I should use some kind of trick to remember hers. You know, like the stuff Mary Lou Henner talks about?
Or is it Mary Lou Retton?
Shit, I can’t remember.
Anyhoo, some kind of word association or I could draw a picture in my mind and caricaturize one of their attributes.
Unfortunately, by the time I rounded the corner, I had forgotten what even her most prominent feature was and I had also forgotten her name, but I could narrow it down to two, if you held a gun to my head. So, I picked one and tried to associate it with something.
Sadly, the name (‘m pretty sure was hers) didn’t rhyme with anything, or remind me of anyone. I’ve never had a friend with that name and I couldn’t even think of a celeb with it. The closest I could come was Chaka Khan. So, for 8 seconds, (that’s how long they say it takes to take something from short term to long term memory) I focused on her blurry features and sang “Let Me Rock You Chaka Khan” in my head. Yes, I will think of her as Chaka and then it will spark my memory.
Well, today I ran into her again. She seems to be around a lot, right?
“Hey Jenny, how are you?”
Fuck, what is your name? I know I related it to a singer. Something that makes me think of Prince. Damnit’
Right, Chaka Khan.
So your name must be ….. I got nothing.
Why the hell would I use Chaka Khan as a reference? NO NAME SOUNDS LIKE THAT!
Could it be Jackie? Shakira? Shaconni?
OK, Jenny Shaconni isn’t even a name.
I GIVE UP.
“I’m great … and how are YOU?”
We chatted for a few and I called a friend to find out the name of the chick with the Dalmatian. And the answer is Shannon. Why the hell would I associate Chaka Khan with Shannon? “SHA” sound in the beginning and an “onn” at the end? Frankly, I don’t know.
I realized that the only thing worse than my memory is my association skills … and so, all new people I meet shall henceforth be called Chaka Khan. It’s kinda brilliant, really how could one take offense to that … or even respond to it, for that matter?
“What’s up Chaka Khan, how’s the fam?”
(What are they gonna say, “My name’s not Chaka Khan”?)
Well duh, no one is named Chaka Khan, except Chaka Khan, dumbass.
I determined that my brain was overrun with useless boy knowledge. http://mobmentalities.blogspot.com/2013/04/what-happened-to-my-um-oh-yeah-brain.html
I too struggled to remember names of new acquaintances but never reverted to “Chaka Khan”. That’s a fun trick though – to rename people with celebrity monikers! “Hey Slash, how’s it going?” It could be a secret game you play to keep things interesting 😉
Really, everyone looks like someone you just need to be careful your not offensive. Call someone Elephant Man and you’ve lost a friend.
I feel your pain! I am useless with anything related to memory and my daughter is not much better; though strangely enough she is much better than me at Taboo which is a word association game. Hubby thanked me for my useless contribution when we lost to the children…..
It turns out that my daughter also struggles to remember whether the card she needs is a spade or a club so we have renamed them: “Curly Clubs” because they have roundish shapes and “Shiny Spades”…well because shiny begins with an S – so far it is working for me.
Well, at least you’re trying. Though I will say you can just tell your kids you lost to them on purpose, that’s what I say when I don’t want to admit to losing. It happens often.
Hahaha! I have someone who I have worked with for two years who I refer to only, both to his face and behind his back, as Bow Tie, because, creatively, he always wears bow ties. I have no idea what his name is, and it is way, way too late (two years to late) to ask him or anyone else what his name is. He thinks the Bow Tie “nickname” is a cute and endearing “thing” that we do, so I’m just going to keep rolling with it.
If our office ever goes business casual, I’m completely screwed.
Pinot Ninja… I hate to tell you this, but Bow Tie reads this blog and now he knows that you have no idea what his name is. That sucks. Plus it’s Beau. Yep, like Beau Bridges, so you had it right all along and now you’re outed.
I always try that association thing with new people I meet but I find that I’m trying so hard to remember to find an association that I forget everything else. I have a neighbor who calls every man “big guy” because he can’t remember names. It’s not as good as Chaka Khan though.
LOL Connie, my hubby does that, he calls them all, Hey. Really, just Hey. I think he could get a bit more creative.
My daughter has come up with a brilliant way around this. (Really wishing I had come up with it at her age)
When she meets someone whose name doesn’t stick in her head immediately, she actually “renames” them with something that works for her. Amazingly enough they answer to these names and seem to enjoy her special nicknames for them. So she has friends named Bambi and Gray and she has no idea what their real names are. I’m so impressed with her skills. 🙂
I love that! I think it’s fabulous and what kid doesn’t really love a unique nickname??? I will start next week.
This makes me want to tell you about my high school friend who started dating this boy, not from our circle of friends or neighborhood, and eventually went over to his house, to like, make out and stuff. At some point his aunt came to the bedroom door and was like “Uh, no. You need to leave.” Not only was my friend humiliated, but she was star struck. The aunt was named Chaka. Kahn. True story from the files of “Growing up in LA in the 80s”. xo
OMG Whitney – That just makes me sad…. That I didn’t grow up in Beverly Hills. Argh, I imagine you hanging at your high school with the cast of BH 90210.
I too have this problem. But I have an excuse, I’m old. Sometimes I can’t remember the names of my grandchildren. What’s the name of you kitty??? lol (josie)
Yeah, Well I can’t remember your name… Chaka Khan?
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Great tricks which I plan to practice….