I am not a fan of the chain letter. I know you’re thinking why not? Everyone loves a good threat. Well, I erase them right away because as ridiculous as it sounds, there is a part of me that feels that once I’ve read one of those things, the clock has started. How the universe is somehow connected to my AOL account, is a mystery. My password is pretty easy, maybe that’s the problem.
Some chain letters go so far as to mention G-d. The idea that The Almighty is busy checking my inbox and confirming that I have forwarded the mail to the specified amount of people, in the allotted amount of time, seems like a stretch. Yet, that irrational side is like, “What if?” “What if G-d wants me to pass on this sentimental poem about growing up in the 80’s.”
Yesterday, I got one of those emails. In the subject box it read, “Sorry, I Had To. “ I have to say, if your subject is an apology for sending an email in the first place, rethink pushing that forward button. This particular one was a message about empowering women and asked that I forward it to 9 of my Sista’s. The list of recipients was 50 scroll-downs long. Apparently, Sista’s all over the world are passing this thing around.
All I do each day is think about how to get my blog circulating, and here’s some poorly written warning- that actually refers to women as Sista’s – and it’s more popular than my well thought out, hilariously funny articles. So I will apologize in advance for the rest of this post.
If you forward http://www.suburbanjungle.net/blog-voodoo to 5 of your friends, within the next hour you will meet with great fortune. Your children will be smarter, your hair will be thicker, your boobs will be fuller, and you will receive a check for $10 MILLION! This may be a humor column, but it’s NO JOKE! I had a paralegal look it over and she said it’s legit. Just yesterday a woman in Westchester sent this on to 5 of her friends and the minute she hit that button, she got a call from her Mother-In-Law saying they couldn’t make it over for dinner! Need I say more?
Unfortunately, if you do not take this seriously, I must fear for your safety! A mother in Idaho who ignored this request, was shopping at a Gap later that day, and inadvertently smashed into the window trying to exit the store. She was not physically harmed, but she was extremely embarrassed.
I guarantee misfortune if you do not send this, because I will personally come out to your home or place of work and open fire. I will! I have a moderately powerful Nerf gun that shoots like ten rounds, and those suctions cups can have a very strong stick factor. I could get one right between your eyes and then it would take a lot of spit and pulling to get it off. I don’t know for certain, but it could leave an unsightly mark! All I’m saying is think about it… $10 MILLION or my saliva all over your face?
Okay, tick tock……………………………………………………………………….
Seriously, pass it on. Help a Sista out!
i usually just delete these chain e-mails, so, sorry, i really can help you out, sista. (unless………..are you’re really, really sure it would improve my hair and boobs?)
LOL LOL
OH I hate that kind of mail too, the one that I hate most is something that says it was a letter from the devil and that he is happy because he knows I will not spread it. oh my..
I laughed ot loud and by the way I passed it on the at least 5 people. When do I get the $10 Million.
GUESS I HAVE TO WATCH WHAT I SEND YOU!!!!!!AND APPARENTLY WHAT I SAY, AND DO,AND WEAR, ETC!:)
XOXOXOXOX
This is a funny one! I must get about 10 of these kinds of chain emails a day…so I delete, delete, delete…and I love it, love it, love it.
Thanks, sista!!!!
I am passing this onto my full email list without apology. You rock.
Your saliva all over my face? Oh, behave. I’ll never forward again.
I’M SO NOT GREEDY…I ONLY SENT THIS TO 2 1/2 OF MY FRIENDS.
THAT’S JUST THE KINDA “SISTA” I AM!!!!! LOL!!!
I just read this and I am TOTALLY not scared of your spit and/or Gap windows, ya know why?
Cause I am just about to jump into that time machine I have, yeah…but before that Imna write a note to myself on the back of my hand NOT to read this post again, yeah, yeah…
Can I puh-lease post on my blog, athenamagazine.wordpress.com? This is just too funny!
P.S. This is just to make sure I get the followup comments
Love,Love,Love! You are the very best!
I don’t have kids,will it make my dogs smarter?
Hell Yeah!!!! This one goes to my entire address book (I don’t even know who’se in it). I LOVE to annoy people with these forwards…it’s so sadistic! This one is definate “Sista Love”
Isn’t it so funny that the forwards start out with ….I’m sorry but I had to… I have one friend who is still waiting on her check from Microsoft – I KNOW she has fowarded that email to me at least 5 times since we’ve been emailing. Too funny – great post Jenny!
Tara
Jenny! could not have been said better. One of my friends prefaced some chain mail last with with “I know everyone hates these, but I am superstitious and could use some luck right now!” Okay, so carry a rabbit’s foot and pray, but need you send me some stupi e-mail that I of course am compelled to read–as if having to look at an accident as I am driving by. Love the blog.
Very funny – and spot on. My favorite is the heart-warming stories that usually come with a picture of a large-eyed kitten, or describe an encounter with a spiritually advanced homeless man with body odor and an inspiring message of hope and goodwill.
Yeah, I love reading those forward things, checking out Snopes, then replying to the sender that it’s a hoax/urban legend/whatever.
I never read the ones with cutsey little butterflies and kittens and country gingham.
I’ve probably forwarded 3 in the past 12 months that were exceptionally good. Which probably explains why I haven’t won the lottery yet. Or bought a ticket.
The delete button is my bff.
Your poll in the right hand column is incomplete. When I get one of these things, I return it to sender with this comment:
“My email is for personal business and business use only. I never participate in forwards, but thank you for thinking of me.”
Generally they get the hint. And I NEVER participate which in itself is a deterrent.
Jenny, just have to say that I LOVED this! Really creative spin on something most people despise. Made me LOL!
My stepfather is always sending me those damn emails! Whenever I see his email address in my inbox DELETE DELETE DELETE!!!
Now I finally understand why the economy is such a mess – all those $10 million checks never got picked up.
I got one chain letter that ended with “The Marines want you to forward this to everyone you know”.
If they call out the Marines to enforce forwarding, you know how serious it really is…
This was only too funny. I have a very dear and elderly friend who is a mass offender, most of them sick-sweet prayers that promise great wealth if I spread it and if I don’t, I’m just being selfish and un-Christian. I know Jesus said make disciples of all peoples, but I don’t think He meant annoy everyone with gooey e-mails. Sadly, I can’t really tell my friend not to e-mail me without hurting her feelings, which I’d rather not do. Thank God for the delete button.
Hi Jenny,
I found your article/blog posted on LinkedIn.com and chuckled! What a twist on the daily hum-drums of suburbia’s jungle.
What most of us don’t realize about email forwards is that clever marketing people are on the other end just waiting to strip your address book from the stmp lines (or is it smtp?).
I learned this long ago when the Internet was young. I purchased some stealth email software and begin sending a million emails out (addresses provided of course in the software). If you have the emails copy pasted, you can hit the send button and literally reach millions of boxes within one hour. For about 10 minutes, I was having a great time watching the software send my message to the first 10,000 people. And then of course, my server figured out the volume traffic and shut me down.
The software sellers hadn’t disclosed that spamming was illegal.
LOL! What a waste of money, but now I always forward email to friends with the blind carbon copy, so the stealth boys can’t strip their address book.
Today, these hackers are even smarter and they prey on the chain letter. It’s a guarantee to circulate through the Internet for years through our collective fear syndrome.
Look me up sometime. I am a at home mom in Arlington, TN- lots of camouflage down here- could definitely tell you a few stories!
Tracy W Gilliam
Although some of them are quite tempting, I just delete them and let the offender know I don’t forward chain letters of any nature–hard copy or email. Some of them keep sending them anyway, so I send the letter back with a “gentle” reminder.
Oh man this is too funny. I think you just made my whole Friday.
By the way I forwarded your URL and not only was I not met with good fortune, I burnt my dinner. WTF?
LOL. that iz funny “the minute she hit that button her mother-in-law called and said she couldnt make it 4 dinner” hilarious i dont beive in thoes tthere retarded i didnt do one and it said a lil girl will kill u at night nd HELLO im still alive
I once had a relationship go sour because I told the lady in question I deleted the chain e-letters she sent me. We parted not long after. Was it one of the *curses* working? No. Afterward, I counted it a blessing! 😉