Tag Archives: in-laws

8 Reasons Not to Friend Your In Laws or Let them Read Your Blog

inlawecardHere are the Top Reasons Not to ‘Friend’ Your In-Laws/Parents on FB or Let Them Read Your Blog (both of which I’m totally guilty of):

You may regrettably hear this:

1.   “We tried that new position you mentioned and I have just one question…”

2.  “Is everything ok with money?  Your post about coupons/discount codes/the economy/stealing shampoos from hotel carts/insert penny pinching tip here…  has left us concerned.”

3. “Have you ever thought about couples therapy? We found some of your post titles rather worrisome, like:  I Cheated on my Husband with Christian Grey/ Sex or Oven Cleaning/  Husband For Sale: Motivated Seller, Why is My Hubby Such a Wuss When He’s Sick? …”

(Don’t judge fellow bloggers, I’m sure you have some doozies of your own.) Continue reading →

Tip O’ the Mornin’ : How to Survive Holiday Visitors

family fighting

So, the holidays are upon us.   Christmas has just passed and visitors are abundant, but their welcome is wearing thin.  I know, we all look forward to this time of year, but often in the midst of it, we realize the heavy meals have expanded our waist lines and our relatives have stretched our patience.

In-laws can be the toughest during the holiday season.  I’m not talking about mine; they’re amazingly wonderful and never bothersome, NEVER.  Mine aren’t even in this season, but I have heard tales of other in-laws who cause stress and frustration.  The way they handle a turkey, as if it is not a breeding ground for salmonella, or the way they screw with the table settings that you took a painful amount of time arranging to look haphazard and shabby chic.  I know, my “friends” sound like a joy to be around over the holidays, right?  I am simply relaying their stories, I am in no way referring to specific incidences that may have happened in the past, which have caused me anxiety or to count to 10 by the medicine cabinet, while searching for Zanex .

Let’s face it, it’s harder to have tolerance for those who didn’t raise us: friends and non-immediate family included.   We have a certain forgivability factor for our blood relatives; they can get away with more and feel the wrath less.  We also tend to offend them less as they too have a forgivablity factor, towards us.  Thank goodness.

So, while you count the hours till your guests get on their merry way, I suggest heavy drinking.  Use the holiday traditions to mask your quick bout with alcoholism:  Manischewitz on Chanukah, egg nog on X-mas, and champagne on New Year’s.

Remind yourself that you’re probably getting on their nerves as well.  This is also not a problem I have, as I am always filled with an almost addictive amount of holiday cheer, but logic says:  If they’re annoying you, you’re most likely annoying them.  (Or did I read that on a fortune cookie?)  Well logic or Confucius says that.

Grandparents, especially in-laws, really aren’t there for you in the first place.  They’re there for your children.  You’re just an obstacle.  You and “Your Way” are hurdles to be tip-toed around, not jumped over.  They don’t agree with your techniques, your rules, and your methods of punishment — or lack thereof.   Though this is a point of un-verbalized contention between you and them, look at the positive.  They would love for you to get out of the house, so that they can do and say what they please without feeling like you’re critiquing and judging their every movement – which, by the way, you are.

Don’t over think this one!  Go out and let them babysit!!!  And while you’re out, drink heavily.

Disclaimer: No in-laws, parents, or guests were harmed in the writing of this article!

A Shout Out to The In-Laws

I recently sent my in-laws a joyous introduction to Suburban Jungle. They were not aware of the blog till my husband threw me under the bus proudly alerted them of its existence. Our conversation went something like this:

Mother in Law: “Oh Jenny, Mark says you’ve been busy blogging… Did you start a blog?”

Me: (Mark, why can we never be on the same team?) “A blog well… yeah it’s just like recipes and stuff. Nothing exciting.”

MIL: “Oh, is your Mother’s brisket on there?”

Me: “No not like yummy recipes (Where do I go from here? Crappy recipes?) No it’s barely edible kid stuff like homemade play dough and how to grow rock candy.” (Good save!) Nothing you would want to cook.”

MIL: “Well Mark told us it was a humor column and he asked what we thought of it, but we said you never sent it to us.” (FOILED AGAIN. Thanks Mark).

Me: (surprised) “Oh… thaaat blog, well here’s the thing. I would be happy to send it to you but you must take the same oath I gave my parents.”

In-Laws: Silence

Me: “If I tell you that I don’t want you to read certain ones you can’t read them.”

In-Laws: Crickets

Me: “Look I love your son, but this is not a queer love blog. The love I feel for Mark is just not funny, not even a little bit. However, the shit he does or doesn’t do around the house really is. The fact that he still does not know where I keep the tool box or the plates is funny.” (Well it’s not funny when I’m yelling at him about it, but it may be to someone reading it.) I don’t want you to read stuff and call and ask if things are okay, or if we’re getting along. I want to be able to call your son a (insert punitive expletive here) with reckless abandon.”

MIL: Did you just call our son a punitive expletive?

Me: “Okay, let’s try another approach. What if I write something about our sex life? I don’t want you trying new positions and saying things like ‘Well Jenny and Mark like it.’ “

FIL: “We’d love to read about your sex life… we need a good laugh.”

Me: (Swallowing back vomit) “Funny… Listen, I didn’t want it to come to this, but clearly it has. The truth is we’re par-ti-ers. I know when you baby-sit we leave for dinner at 8, we’re back by 9, and by 9:30 Mark is fast asleep while you’re watching me put the kids to bed. But that’s because our morning life is insane.

At 4:30AM, an hour before “Crazy Mark” leaves for work we start shooting up. Then we do rails off the Pack N’ Play and our neighbors slip in the back door for a Morgy, (morning orgy). Then they sneak out and our day starts like everyone else’s, except we’re hopped up on coke. I would never want you guys to read about that stuff. That’s why I am posting a rating NPG (No Parental Guidance) on any explicit posts.

If you read it I will catch you. Your ways are not so wily. Like when you guys audibly whisper on the couch when I am 5 feet away.

Welcome to the jungle its wild in here. Well in your case tame, ‘cause you won’t be able to read the really scintillating stuff, but enjoy the other crap!