Last week, I wrote about having MABFs (Move-a-body-friends): peeps who would help you move a body, no questions asked. I learned some pretty interesting things while assessing where a couple of my “besties” really stood.
In fact, I’m a bit concerned one of my nearest and dearest is currently scared to be alone with me. I guess that’s what you get for asking someone to be your accomplice to murder …
Me: Hey Susan, would you move a body for me … no questions asked?
Susan: Before I answer, is this something that will come back to bite me?
Me: Um, let’s hope not.
Susan: It depends on who. If it was Mark, I’d help you.
Either it’s human nature to assume it’s the hubby or my friends really don’t like Mark very much.
Susan: If it was someone random, I’d have to ask questions.
Me: Like?
Susan: Like, was it an accident? Was it self defense? Could we bring along another person?
Me: Why, you don’t think we could lift a body alone?
Susan: No, I wouldn’t want you to turn on ME!
Wow, I thought it went poorly with the last person I asked. Now, my college roommate who’s known me for like, ever, would want some protection?
Me: After 20 years, I’m thinking I should start branching out.
Both of us were laughing about her distrust in me and fear that I may murder her — hahahah, when this happened FOR REAL:
As she watched me cross the street to go to my car, a gust of wind blew my dress fully up to my ears. Stupid trapeze dresses! We’re talking full view of thong, with my hands full and no way to maneuver to hold it down, other than to completely bend over to place my stuff on the street, which I was NOT about to consider.
I stared at her from my frozen position, in utter shock that she wasn’t rushing to help, but rather standing on the curb laughing. Ahem, laughing doesn’t describe what she was doing — she was in such hysterics that she could barely breathe. “When you start choking over there, just know, I won’t give you CPR!”
I mean we JUST had a conversation about whether she would move a dead body for me?! I think this IS the definition of irony, no?
Still laughing, she came into the street and removed my computer from my arms.
Susan: What? I told you I’d move a body for you!
Me: Oh, I know where we stand. You’d help me move it, but if I tripped over it, you’d just point and laugh. Not cool Susan, if we had a “Best Friend” charm, I’d ask for your half back.
I think this would be the exact conversation I would have with my MABF. I hope it wouldn’t end with my skirt over my head, but my luck tends to run that way. I feel your pain!
Frankly, I’m beginning to think not enough conversations end with my skirt over my head!
Jenny,
You know how some moments in life are just too hysterical to be replaceable. You take them when they come, like a really awkward fall or a totally unexpected wardrobe malfunction. I’ve got your back, I really do, but come on, you know this would go viral on you- tube, even if you could hardly stand to watch it yourself. This was just too f’n funny!!!
Oh Bari – some of us have more of them than others. When do I get to laugh from the curb?
I thought I taught you a more proper dress code. Whatever happened to the pantaloons you wore, and should be wearing today? . I know you want to feel Sexy, and at the same time dress Hip. Maybe a thong with an ankle length skirt would work better for you. I Hope this helps preserve the Modest you have always felt was Soooo important. . … If you must dress like a “Hussy”, keep it a secrete from me.
This dress was not short Dad, it was just huge. I’m thinking this is the first time I’ve been called a hussy … and from my father no less?!?!
Well, really, if you can’t laugh while moving a body, when can you laugh? 😉 Seems like y’all could go for “Desperate Housewives” meets “Sex and the City” meets “Weekend at Bernie’s”!
I like your attitude and your idea for a show!
Loyal to a fault, got my shovel. Mature? Never claimed to be!! Xo
Oh, you just wait until the next time your dress flies up to your ears. Don’t think it will happen? It will, I’ll be the one holding it there!
I’m full-out laughing my butt off. Awesome post~
Sorry about your wardrobe malfunction, all the best celebs have them! I’m still working out who my MABF’s are, if any. Turns out my sister-in-law would make an awesome one, as long as her brother isn’t the body that needs moving 🙂 Who knew? See where your posts lead us?
This was so funny! It’s time for a new BFF test! We’ll call it the Hussy Marilyn Monroe test.
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