You Know You’re the Mom of a Boy IF …

You Know You're the Mom of a Boy IF...

While writing a piece on translating “Momisms” into what we really mean, I realized there are some commonalities among moms of each sex that bond us together. Of course every child is different, but if you’re the mom of a boy, I’m guessing some of these will sound (and smell) all too familiar.

You know you’re the mom of a boy if …

  1. You find yourself holding a living creature that you would usually run away from screaming.
  2. A girl makes eyes at your son and you have this weird urge to pull her aside and call her a tramp (whether she’s 6 or 16).
  3. You have an unhealthy knowledge of the point/gem system for Temple Run, Dragonvale, Bakugan, Plants vs. Zombies, Cube Runner …
  4. You can’t muster the brain power to recall what you ate for breakfast, yet you can inherently transform a Transformer (without the 30 pages of directions it came with).
  5. You bought a car based solely on how much equipment you could fit in the trunk.
  6. Your child asks you to marry him and you’re totally considering it.
  7. You know what a Ripstik is and you’re not afraid to use it.
  8. You spend much of your days in a fog of fart odor and some of it is proudly yours. (What? How else can you impress your male offspring?)
  9. A little penis seems to be constantly whizzing by (well, let’s hope that’s your sons).
  10. You’ve actually placed yourself under a tree with the feeling that, if that kiddo loses footing you’ll at least be there to break his fall.
  11. You know the pain of stepping on a Lego … and may in fact, have one imbedded somewhere in your body right now.
  12. There’s a finger in your eye, your ear, or up your nose and it’s not yours.
  13. You understand what I mean when I say “bleacher butt,” as in, “My sits bones are literally numb, I have bleacher butt.”
  14. There’s a rogue Bey Blade in your purse.
  15. You’ve found yourself saying things like, “No, you can’t ride the dog.” and “Yes, you do have to keep your pants on in public.”
  16. You’ve had in depth conversations about who would win in multiple variations of match-ups involving Spider-Man, Iron Man, Captain America, X-Men, Daddy …
  17. You can’t wait until he’s old enough to watch Airplane, The Naked Gun, Caddy Shack, Vacation, Fletch, The Three Amigos…
  18. Though you claim to be an absolute pacifist, you’ve had a talk that involved you urging, “Sometimes you gotta push back.”
  19. You’ve considered leashing your son at a theme park and he’s 12.
  20. You’re on a first name basis with the orderlies at the ER who provide slings, splints, casts, and those velcro boots.
  21. You may have shamefully thought, “It wouldn’t be so bad if he married an orphan.”
  22. You can use your keyboard, phone, iPad, but there’s a good chance your fingers will get stuck to it.
  23. At some point you notice the change in smell from “OMG sooo sweet” to “Get that tween some AXE.”
  24. There’s a love you feel for your son that’s too great and sometimes too scary to fully explain or even comprehend.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to the women who got a gulp when their babies were born — thinking One day they might leave you for another woman!!!

XO – Jenny From the Blog (Look for the piece: “You Know You’re the Mom of A Girl If…”)




25 Signs You are Definitely a Mom

20 Momisms Translated

Moms of Boys Are Jealous Shrews


19 thoughts on “You Know You’re the Mom of a Boy IF …

  1. Heidi

    I love this, thank you. My only addition is that cleaning out pockets for laundry means weekly surprises….and usually some rocks. Most of our laundry is “stone-washed.” Try as I might, there are always rocks that I miss!

    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      Yes, I find stones, and parts of toys, like a leg to a lego guy and wads of paper that I unroll trying to figure out what it is, though it usually just crumbles in my hands. Damn… I’m waiting for the “Will you go with me? Check yes or no” note.

  2. Woman_on_Pause

    I am fresh out of bey blades, but I do happen to have several rouge nerf darts in the bottom of my purse. And the “Camping/Baseball/Football/Soccer Chair with the leg rest AND shade with accompanying TENT is the mecca of all finds. And they match each other and team colors. I have not found this zen, but I am on a constant look out.

    Baseball Pants – Pre-soak, de-greaser, hot water, then run on FULL BLAST. Poof. Clay be gone.

  3. Carpool Goddess

    Oh yes, I know every one of those well! His was the sweetest (and stickiest) proposal I ever had (don’t tell my hubby!). And I’ll add Young Frankenstein and Caddy Shack to your fine movie list too. Ahh…boys 🙂

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    1. Bari

      I know your son and I want to marry him too!!
      Happy Mother’s Day!!! Love you so much!!!!!!

  5. Emily

    I’ve got 3 sons and you were right on the mark with all of these…just wait until the teen years. Teen boys are awesome and you’ll have a whole new list of fun, funny and fascinating stuff that teen boys do/say…

  6. Melanie

    I have 4 boys and totally agree with all of that. We live in the country where it’s ok to pee outside (and heck, if they pee outside, they aren’t peeing on my bathroom floor) so you know you’re a mom of boys when you have to remind them that it’s not ok to pee in their friend’s suburban back yard during a birthday party, or the pond at the park, or the middle of a parking lot…

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