20 Momisms Translated – What We REALLY Mean

Recently I wrote a post for my column at TheStir about common Momisms and how they can get you into big trouble. You know Momisms, those phrases we turn to get a short reprieve, to conceal criticism, to maintain our sanity, or simply because we have no clue what our child just said and we’re trying to go with it? Since that column seemed to resonate, I thought I’d add a handy decoder to translate what we say –> what we MEAN.

Do not let this fall into the hands of your children or it’ll ruin it for the rest of us!

Maybe –> Probably not

We’ll see –> NEVER

Let’s play the quiet game. –> Stop talking, my ears are bleeding.

I love the outfit you put together. –> Please spill something on it before we leave the house.

Where did you hear that? –> Your information is completely false.

One day you’ll thank me. –> Hopefully, you’ll forget this ever happened.

Can mommy have some privacy in the bathroom? –> Mommy needs a glass of wine.

Mommy needs a glass of wine. –> Mommy needs a shot of tequila.

Do you think that’s a good idea? –> That’s the worst idea EVER!

Uh-huh –> I have no earthly idea what you’re talking about.

Wow, that’s great sweetie! –> I still have no idea what you just said, but you sounded excited so I went with it.

Really? Really? –> WTF is wrong with you?

Because I said so. –> I’m losing this battle and this is my last resort (or I’m tired of explaining stuff).

You are the best. –> Millennium mom speak meaning anything from you really are the best to you are thoroughly average.

Just a sec. or In a minute –> I’m not stopping what I’m doing or moving from this position until you scream for me again.

Your forehead is cold as ice. –> Get up, Get dressed, Get the f*&^ to school.

Go ask Dad –> His turn to be the bad guy – mwahahaha.

The dog loves you the most. –> I will guilt you into feeding/walking that dog.

Yes, you do sound like Beyonce. –> Please let my child have other talents.

I love you –> There is nothing on Earth I could love more!

OK, print this and keep it in your purse for a quick reference. In case you wanna say something and don’t know quite how to put it.

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61 thoughts on “20 Momisms Translated – What We REALLY Mean

  1. Pingback: Things We Swore We Would Never Say But Probably Do | The Suburban Jungle

  2. My Half Assed Life

    I am completely with you on “let’s play the quiet game”, but I think I may have just given up at some point and actually said “please stop, my ears are bleeding”. Neither worked well for me.

  3. Patti Murphy

    This is a great post! Thanks for the chuckle. Momisms have intrigued me for a long time. I just spent a year collecting more than 200 unique momisms from folks in nearly every state in the U.S., and some from Canada for a book, “Mother Knows Better – Sense and Nonsense from American Moms.” It will be available before Mother’s Day. Moms really do say some pretty crazy things. Thanks.

  4. Leslie

    I am so glad that I am not the only one who realizes I am saying “un huh” and “that’s great” when I have no idea what they just said! Then a few minutes later as bits and pieces of the conversation sink in, I’m like–No, wait a minute! What did you say? You can’t do that!
    And they scream…But you said!!!!!……..

    1. Jenny from the blog Post author

      Well, that’s the worst… when it comes back to bite you. As I said in the post that lead to this one, “I’ve inadvertently promised my daughter a play date with Victoria Justice, and an addition of stairs to our one story home. UM, oops!

      1. Christi

        My seven-year-old daughter now has highlights b/c of my saying yes and not paying attention to what I was okaying!

  5. Lindsey

    Love this! My little one is 4 and I’m nodding and laughing after every one. She can already come at me with arguments that make total sense (sometimes) and I worry about how that’s going to go when she’s older! 🙂

  6. Billie Green

    My momism that I use almost daily is “next time” meaning I hope you forget before the next time or I hope you’re not with me the next time! I’m just to tired to say no and then explain why I said no.

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  8. Carpool Goddess

    So excited, I need to stop hyperventilating first! Okay, here goes: “Stop making faces, your face is going to freeze like that!” Um, my parents totally lied about that one. But I did have a “kid just like me,” so that part came true.

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  16. Valerie

    It’s been a while since anyone’s posted but I just had to add one. When my 4 yr old and I are shopping and he asks for something that he already has like 50 of, I tell him maybe next time. He then came up with on his own, next year, so I ran with it. Now I just tell him that he can get it next year. The only problem is he informed the other day that he is going to be getting a lot of things next year. I may be in trouble lol. -.-

  17. E

    The one I say mostly here is “That doesn’t even make sense!”

    Used here:
    Me: “Why did you draw a mustache on your sister with a sharpie?”
    Child: “well, on Minecraft everyone looks better with a mustache and you said she needs a bath so I figured she must be dirty.”
    Me: “That doesn’t even make sense!”

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  19. Yolanda Hammond

    Things your child/grandchild says:
    While fixing breakfast for my 1 yr old grandson, he starting sing, gma is a B!#$%, over and over.Mother dear was glad to get off the phone with me.

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  24. Vanessa

    It may sound terrible, but my go-tos are “Mom died” and “There is no Mom, there is only Zule”. I have a 14 year old girl and a five year old boy. They both know this means I am busy or frazzled and they need to rethink my involvement and if it is necessary or just because. It’s usually used after the 30th time I hear Mom coming from a bedroom.

  25. Michelle

    No kids of my own yet, but as a kindergarten teacher I found myself laughing and thinking back to times many of these things have come out of my mouth in the classroom. I consider it training for motherhood…except I won’t get to send my own kiddos home at 3:30 every day!

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  34. LP

    Mamas are the only people who can possibly even fathom the extremes of tiredness, patience, insanity, it takes to raise just one kid to age 2. Dadas seem to live in the Care Bear cloud environment, where they can flitter down out of the clouds to help out here and there but the clouds is their domain. Mamas should take over the planet, we are tougher and more hardened than any soldier or criminal or, anyone, any day. But we are too busy to take charge of the world so we let the men play pretend with their “important professions”.

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