Category Archives: Christian Grey

Who Would NOT Wanna be a MILF?

Double sigh
I fear this story may mean I’ve earned cougar stripes (or should I say spots?).  I mean, there was no official “welcome to the club,” but I find myself wearing more animal print spandex, my gel nails are abnormally long, and I do let out a sigh when I see a meme of Ryan Gosling, so I think all the signs are there.

It was the summer of 2009, my daughter was about to turn 5 and though we were pretty sure she was destined to be a landlubber.  We had tried swim lessons since she was 6 months old — again and again.  We took classes.  We took private lessons.  We switched instructors, and offered rewards. I had made one last appointment, vowing that if this failed, I’d simply keep the baby fence around the pool until she left for college. Continue reading →

Magic Mike Ecards Because Who Doesn’t Like Mommy Porn

Well, since we established in yesterday’s Magic Mike post, that I’m possibly addicted to “Mommy Porn” and Channing Tatum’s abs, I thought I’d write some ecards to commemorate the occasion.

Not that finding out you might be addicted to porn or abs, is an occasion, but, it’s a while until my birthday, so why not celebrate?  I’ll pay for it later with a 12 step program that hopefully involves full immersion therapy.  Or maybe I’ll have to apologize to all the abs I’ve coveted in the past, which would totally suck, but I guess recovery is never an easy road.

Continue reading →

Magic Mike Makes me Realize I’m Hard Up and My Hubby is Shameless

Umm, just tell me you saw it too. Oh, and that you had similar eye-opening epiphanies…

On my way to see the Magic Mike with my besties, all I could think was,  Are we the only ones rushing out to see this peep show… and how hard up does this make us?

Hard up enough to go on opening night and see it with a theater full of gawking teenagers.  Wait, did I say teenagers?  Because I meant 30-50 year olds.  Continue reading →

Christian Grey Ecards Part II Fifty Shades in the Future

The Christian Grey | 50 Shades Ecards are back… by popular demand.  These are based on the article, What it Would REALLY be Like to be Married to Christian Grey, which takes a glimpse into what the Grey’s life might look like after years of marriage and children.  But let’s face it, everything looks better in an ecard. So, here you go — Fifty Shades in the Future (insert wavy lines to imply future montage here)…

 On Irony:

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On The Usual Toy Clutter: Continue reading →

Confessions From an Irrational Control Freak Mom

Before having children, I had no idea how much of a control freak I actually was. Yes, I always had the anxiety part, but even that grew 10 fold. My hubby and I lived in an apartment in NYC, where he was able to mask his inability to do simple household things like, change lightbulbs, hang pictures… use a screw driver. We had people to do that. Yes, the maintenance men were my BFFs — a small tip and they were caulking or hammering away.

Then we had kids and moved to the ‘burbs, where I realized that not only was my hubby not the type to do stuff around the house. I was not the type to delegate. My anxieties and need for perfection made his work seem incomprehensibly inferior. (The cause of many an argument)

So, Continue reading →