I’m not gonna name names, as I would certainly be one of them, but there are distinct qualities that describe most Facebookers.
The Over Sharer -This person seems to think that a trip to the store, a traffic jam, or the weather is worth repeating. They give updates like a minute to minute log. “Sitting in traffic.” “When will it stop raining?” “Just left SB, grande cap, mmmmm.” The Over Sharer is also the most enabled of all personalities. Other Over Sharers are constantly responding to their minute to minutes with fascinating epiphanies like “LOL” or “Rain makes me sleepy” or “Love Starbucks J” (Yes, let’s not forget the smileys, winkeys, and frowneys.)
The Workout Addict and the Closet Alcoholic -These people are actually the same, personality-wise. They feel the need to tell you what they’re drinkin’ or what they’re doin’ in the gym… and the stats. I think they’re both sending signals that require intervention. “20 mile jog, 500 sit-ups and feelin’ it.” “5 mojitos, ahhh” Not only do they flaunt the accomplishments of their pastimes, they like to question their friends as to whether or not to do it. “Do I climb a mountain, or go to the 10:15 spin?” “Drinks with the boys at Lucky’s, or sit on the couch with a cold one?” 😉
The Just “is” – At first I thought these people were publishing this status by accident, but then I realized certain people do it more than others. Either they have sausage fingers and can’t work the keyboard or they just “are.” What does that mean? Is that a call for sympathy a cry for help? A Buddhist feeling of zen? You people are too profound for me. ):
The Gibbrisher -Everyone knows a Gibbrisher. This person speaks in code. Code that at least one friend understands, while the other 500 hundred friends are wondering what the hell, “is so $ due MJ explosion!” means? LMAO
The TMIer -This person is like the Over Sharer in that they have too much time, but takes it one step further by including info about last night’s sex, a bout of diarrhea, or an overly itchy rash. Anytime you talk about your own genitals in any fashion, you fall into this category, BEWARE. TMI
The Self Promoter –Don’t waste your time thinking, “Oh, the irony,” I know this is me. This person thinks that their business is of the utmost importance, TO YOU. They don’t want you to miss a single sale, review, TV spot, story, or promo. They ask that you join the 50 fan clubs, groups, and subscription sites that they have spent valuable work time setting up. Don’t think we, I mean they don’t check to see if you join every one of those clubs and sites! IMHO
Honorable mention: The Quoter and The Lyricist.
BTW-There will be a sequel. I would love to hear about your experiences with these personalities and the other personalities you have encountered.
OMG I almost forgot please join my fan page on FB , seriously!
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How about the Paranoid Spouse? This is the overbearing person who controls who his/her spouse is allowed to ‘friend.’ Seriously. (Not mine, of course!) After being jazzed that an old college flame contacted me, his wife flipped out and disallowed him from communicating with me. This after 22 years, happy marriages and kids. Very sad.
Uh-oh. I’m a combo – TMI/Self-Promoter. That’s dangerous.
Funny post.
Oh, crap. I just shut down my computer and turned it back on because I wanted to add that I do not give sexual details, just recount my bouts with IBS.
It’s a cruel world we live in that doesn’t have Imodium for diarrhea of the mouth.
Okay…this is very funny.
Karen…I hear ya on the paranoid spouse. Especially love the profiles where people have to have a photo of their spouse with them. It’s like…you can’t have your OWN photo?
I’m a quoter/lyricist…and now I’m verklempt, I am always just a day late and a dollar short for the cool-kids clique. Honorable mention, hmp!
😉
what is facebook?
You’re right T quoter/lyricist deserves more. You have to think up all those great words and lyrics, wait you don’t actually think of them. But you do have to copy the most fitting ones. I will give it top billing in the sequel and jealous spouse deserves a spot as well! Thanks for reading!!!
Funny post. Although I am on facebook, I don’t really follow it, so I’m not that into the different types of posters. I guess if I really took the time to take part in facebook, I would be a part-taker. ha.ha.
That little analogy clip art really gave me a chuckle. But it’s all true.
In the TMI category is one FB friend whose updates include even some of the play-by-play during dates. (When do you have time to update FB or tweat in the middle of a date? How do you type while listening to your date, or holding you date’s hand, or gazing into your date’s eyes? Maybe when your date goes to the bathroom?) But this is a humerous and colorful character of an alternative lifestyle, so it’s interesting, like peaking into a dating world of another culture or species.
Hi Jenn, what about The Preacher? Posts quotes which are supposed to make us all stop short and think deep. Like I’m on Facebook to think? 🙂
I’m not into idle-idol worship…
so here’s a quote for people with “too much time on their hands”
Get a J O B !
Well I’m the lyricist/preacher/self-promoter. I like to make people think. Think deeply about your life and the time that you’re wasting on FB and twitter! Think deeply about the mindless, narcissistic chatter that you are bombarding other people with. And then look at my wonderful productive life!
How about the Needy Socialite? Gives the impression they’re jet-setting in the fast lane (code: carpool line). Enjoying a margarita on their veranda (code: lemonade at the kitchen table); date night with their spouse (code: no other couples wanted to go out with them)! (Wait, I’ve written that last one …)
Clever. Funny. Brilliant.
Since I’m none of those, I can’t come up with a title for the person who repeats the same thing all the time. “It’s Monday morning I’m going to work.” “Is it Friday yet?” “I’m tired and it’s only Wednessday.” “Yeah, Friday!” Yeah. So that needs a clever title. I try desperately hard not to be that guy, which is hard when you stay-at-home, so I’m starting to make random crap up. “OMG Aliens landed!”
what about the EMO (as my kids would say)?? “I’m sad”…or “How did things get this bad?” ….or “I’m hopeful”…..or “I’m amazed that things can turn around so quickly”……all within the same 8 hours from the same person.
what about the people that do endless quizzes … What 80s sandwich am I … My name if I were a 16th century wizard … What Star Trek alien am I …
Which wouldn’t be so bad, but usually they come four or five at a time!! It’s like they can’t stop themselves.
OMG! I was thinking of writing a similar post! My inspiration is “the newb”. The one who is new to FB and asks on everyone’s walls how their kids and marriage and jobs are and are they working at home or out of the home and how old are their kids. How many? How long have you been married?
You can use that message option! We don’t have to talk about your son’s rehab on our walls!!
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Or how about the people who bash facebook but then are on it more then anyone else? If I hear one more time… “Well I saw it on Facebook, but I’m never really on there”
Hmmmm…….
Love the title. Now I have to read the article. (Thought I came up with great titles!)
My favorite of this specific blog was the person that just “is”. That was so funny and well-written.
P.S. you cannot forget the facebook stalker – although not noticeable by status, these people look at everyone and their mom’s pictures and know the play-by-play of everyone’s lives. They are necessary in the facebook population because they give value to every other facebook addicts activities.
P.P.S. also, the person that has 100000000 pictures just because they want everyone to know that they are out and about all the time and having such a great time while you were home…but really – they were probably just taking pictures the entire time they were out.
Great post! I love it! I was looking for humor articles about social media. Here’s one: The Twitterer. (I used to be one of these) They have Twitter and FaceBook connected so all their updates are filled with hashtags, @ signs, and Twitter-Speak that can be “geek speak” to their non-twittering FaceBook friends.
I gotta run now, but I’ll join your fan page and blog roll you this afternoon!
I love all your ideas… clearly a part deux will be necessary. I think you a couple of you guys are describing the FB phony. The one who puts up a ton of pics and status updates that make them sound so busy and fabulous.
I like feamom making random stuff up.
Hazel’s ref to the quizzes holy shit, they do quizzes on everything from “do you recognize the logos” to “who would you be compatible with at the movies”
My daughter who is 4 plays on the farmville thing and now everyone keeps working on my farm. People are hoeing and planting and tilling and becoming my neighbor, it’s nuts.
PS feel free to challenge me at wordTwist… I’ll kick your butt!
Oh. I have one for you. The PREACHER. I had a woman that I graduated with contact me to be my friend on FB. Fine. Great to hear from her.
Until the 30 texts a day started coming about praising Jesus and quoting the Bible continuously. I have nothing against religion, but GHEESH. I finally blocked her. Couldn’ t take it any longer. Praise Jesus.
This is hilarious. You have them pegged!!!
I have coined another FB personality: The FaceBook Snobs.
FaceBook Snobs: respond to and dialogue with certain friends, but never to others, even though they have accepted a friend request from the others.
Me thinks they want to accumulate the most number of “friends” to show off??? A colleague says it’s just them going “back” to High School days of “cliques”
And yes, it’s annoying to read the posts between 2 people who don’t use the email (private) feature. It’s like you’re at the table with the two of them and they have their own little private conversation about their plans that really don’t include anyone else – yet it’s posted for everyone to see. Maybe they just don’t know how to email privately???
How about the ‘Debbie Downers’? Kinda like the ‘EMO’ mentioned above except it’s all negative all the time.. “Another dreary day”, “Oh no, the kids are sick again – I never get a break.”, “Feeling blue and have to much to do.”. One of my friends on there is exactly like that, never a positive thing to say about her day or life. Every few days she must run out of bummer complaining things to say and simply goes with “…Sigh…” or “Blah”.
Funny! Don’t forget the “Sender” – the person who has to send you all those invites, or silver chalices from some inane game they are playing in the Facebook Alternate Universe. I got a “speckled goat” from a game I’ve never even heard of!
And, there’s the “Be-Friender” – the one who makes EVERYONE their Facebook friend. I actually had a former classmate (25+ years ago) e-mail me to ask why I hadn’t accepted her HUSBAND’s “friend invitation!” Um, because I don’t know him, and this is all VEEERY creepy to me! Is there some sort of Facebook Friend tote board that I need to be updating?
There is one kinda cool Facebook user: the one who, without overdoing it, posts links to really interesting, unusual or vastly entertaining stuff that you haven’t already seen a million times. Maybe they are the Editors? Discerners? Conductors?
How about the trashy hos who follow you on twitter and post a sex photo and issue stupid invites to join them or view their photos ? I really hate those: delete, delete, delete. By the way, great dialogue.
You forgot The Annoying Traveler. “Just back from Bali, 24 hours to repack before taking off on Safari!!!” (Annoying Travelers just love the exclamation point.) Yeah, buddy, my little heart bleeds for you as I toil away in my home-office in my effing pajamas.
LOL! I’m definitely the SELF promoter!!! Guilty! 🙂
The Drama!.. I graduated HS 16 years ago and found two of my friends on facebook. It was great to find them again. Then it started. The friend requests from those in grade school and high school who wouldn’t even talk to me. For a month straight I ended up with tons of friend requests from people (whom I accepted unfortunetly), and then never heard another word from them. I’m assuming that everyone is just curious what each other looks like? I don’t accept requests anymore unless we actually knew each other. Definitely annoying.
A pal recommended me to read this site, brill post, interesting read… keep up the good work!