This is what I’ve realized as I’ve aged… Though I have an uncanny ability to remember theme songs to sitcoms and John Hughes movies, verbatim, I have no ability to remember where I left my keys, the names of people I see on a daily basis, what pending appointments I have, or why I just walked into this room?! I’ve also realized one can get hair on their pinky toes, WTF is that?
SO, in the name of “Full Disclosure About Utterly Stupid Shit I’ve Done,” I give you my momnesia moments – Just don’t judge me, as I’m not the only numskull … My awesome Facebook Followers added some… (they will one day keep me company in a padded room). Or we can all blame Mommy Brain together.
1. I regularly wash and rewash the same load of laundry multiple times, as I usually forget about it long enough that the mildew odor needs to be washed out of it. That’s energy-efficient, right?
2. It has become apparent that a part of my believes there is a grocery fairy who unloads the trunk. PS: There is not. I’ve googled “how long perishables can sit in a hot car” more times than I’m willing to disclose.
3. I lose, with disturbing frequency: My glasses, my cellphone, my purse, my car keys, my coffee … even more disturbing, the things I find that don’t belong where I am looking for the things I’ve lost.
4. I’ve shown up to work on the wrong day, wearing two different shoes.
5. I usually get halfway through the day before I realize an item of clothing is on inside out.
6. I always stash treats away so the family doesn’t eat them all, then I completely forget about them myself… It’s a good diet though.
7. I often drive out of my garage talking on my phone. Halfway down the street I’ll curse it because it loses reception, only to realize I’m talking on my cordless.
8. I’ve tried to fit a gallon of milk on the pantry shelf and stood there moving boxes around for a full three to four minutes before I realized I was trying to put the MILK in the pantry because the cereal box fit quite nicely in the fridge.
9. Just last week, I accidentally poured tea tree oil in my mouth instead of vitamin D drops. Same bottle, yet if you’ve ever had the joy of smelling, sinus clearing tea tree oil, you’ll understand how my taste buds were seared off of my tongue.
10. I made a special trip to the grocery store yesterday for Oreo ice cream pie items. I left the pie crust on top of the car. On my second trip the crust made it home, but I forgot the ice cream. Who need stupid Oreo pie? – Oh right, my kids.
11. I asked my son one day to help me look for him… himself, cuz I didn’t know where he was.
12. I’ve actually complained to the person I was talking to on my cellphone with that I couldn’t find my cellphone, to which she replied, “Isn’t that what I called you on?” (It in fact, was)
13. I’ve actually left my car running to go in the house and look for my car keys.
14. I left meat thawing in the microwave and forgot about it, then berated myself, yet somehow did it AGAIN the next day.
15. Once in Universal Studios, I threw the designer sunglasses I’d just gotten for the holidays into the bin after a simulator ride and kept the 3-D crappy ones on my head for the rest of the day. I tried to keep them, but as soon as I put them on a Minion lunged at me to get them, so I gave them back.
16. My friend dropped me in front of the grocery store to run in for something. I came out and hopped her car, except it wasn’t her car, “Hello stranger.”
17. At least once a week I have to go to the bathroom and feel my toothbrush to make sure I brushed my teeth already.
18. I recently had a parent-teacher conference after school, but forgot to grab the kids from my carpool on the way to the classroom. Ten minutes later the intercom went off asking if I was there. My carpool was waiting in the office and one of the kids had watched me walk right past them… “So Mrs. Mitchell, What were you saying about me not signing Ry’s agenda?”
19. I pour OJ on my cereal, A LOT! I
20. Somehow, I miss payment on one out of every three teeth my kids lose, and if I do remember, I usually steal the dough from one child to pay the other. I’m the worst Tooth Fairy EVER (but I make up for it with glitter)!
21. I’ve found my purse in the fridge and my takeout from the night before on the counter.
23. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve gone to a store to make a return and realized I forgot the merchandise or receipt! Or gone to shop and realized I didn’t have my wallet. Once, I had them hold a cart of groceries in the cooler while I ran home to grab my pocket-book, but somehow in the process forgot why I was going home, and never returned to pay or get my stuff.
24. Last week, I walked into the bathroom and wondered why I was there. Then walked out and thought, “Oh, right I had to pee.” How does one forget that?
SO, I’m not crazy, right? Spill, dumbest mom thing… GO.
Share this with other Moms NOW, before you forget
AND join me in finding the irony in the everyday shit on FACEBOOK
XO- JENNY FROM THE BLOG
You may like:
Item 7.1. I still have a cordless phone.
I knew someone would point that out. I should’ve known it would be you!
You didn’t??? No.23 was the same as No. 11, just saying you forgot…. I get up from my desk daily and start walking towards the copy room or up front and before I get there, I stop and wonder why I’m doing this. I can relate.
Flour instead of sugar in my coffee & holding a colander from the bottom while pouring boiling hot pasta water through it immediately come to my mind, and that is amazing in itself.
That sounds painful… but not surprising.
I dropped my daughter off at school, put her sister, who was in her carseat, down on the floor next to the sign in sheet table, then walked out and down the stairs. Halfway down a student is yelling at me from the top of the stairs, “Mahlie’s mommy you forgot her sister!”
I love it… I mean it’s totally child abuse, but so not shocking. I once looked J in the car while it was running. A bomb squad had to come and get the door open… I felt so smart that day!
That grocery store run is a beast. If I manage to remember where I put my list (or rather lists because I’ve already list and found at least one by this point), I somehow still manage to forget something on it.
Or my best yet, is I had to leave a cart of groceries inside while I went out to my car because I forgot my debit card in the pocket of the jacket I decided I didn’t need. Except after 5 minutes of frantic searching I discovered it was in the back pocket if my jeans (which I totally checked in the store) the entire time. Not the first time that’s happened either.
We seem like bumbling idiots and yet we pretty brilliantly master so many things… at the same time, no less!
13…I left my car running after I arrived to work. It was 2 hours before one of my co workers told me! I have no excuse I’m not even a mommy!
Often spend time looking or reading glasses that are on my head, one actually they were on my nose. When my youngest was still on the doing threw out car keys instead of coffee cup at a grocery store. After an hour of employees looking for them, finally gave up and called my husband to rescue me. Now always have an extra car key with me. The whole family has locked ourselves put off the house enough times that we keep a lock box on the front door.
So relatable! Put my own sunglasses on the turning rack while trying on others, then once I realized what I’d done, forgot what my own looked like … Lysol spray instead of hairspray, OJ stead milk in my coffee. Dress on backwards (coworker had never seen one with pockets at the upper back) and yes, my housphone has been spotted in my car – several times! Love us!
Yes, yes, YES to all of these things. The other night I was having a discussion with my friends about music. I was defending my musical taste, but I couldn’t remember the name of my favorite musician. I had to text my husband to get his name.
There was a grab bag for my kids class, it clearly stated boys buy gift for a boy girls gift for girl..I asked my son which boy he wanted to buy for and he wrote his name ugh..my mom had to tell me you don’t pick a kid, you literally just write boy.
I’m a FTM and I am awful for mommy brain moments. My home is always messy because I keep forgetting what chores i have for the day. Once I changed the babys diaper and totally forgot to fold up and throw out her old one until I stepped in it. Yuck!