Tag Archives: carbs

All the Threats Came True – My Kids Finally Gave Me an Ulcer

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So, I went in for an endoscopy the other day, mostly because I thought it would be a great way to take an uninterrupted nap and frankly, I’ll do lots of things for a nap (swallowing a camera being one of the least invasive).  Oh, also it was offered by my GI after telling him I’d lost my appetite due to a constant dull aching in my stomach and chest chronic pressure.

Well, if I’m being honest. I called him (he’s a friend) to ask what was going on and by the time he got back to me I’d unfortunately already found the amazingly addictive WebMDsymptom checker.

That’s where hypochondriacs, like myself, are rewarded with affirmation that their hangnail may or may not have gangrene or their inability to remember names is probably due to Gulf War Syndrome.  After a few clicks of filling in symptoms, I was pretty sure I either had GERD or I was going into cardiac arrest. Another reason to keep a defibrillator around the house. (Those things pay for themselves.) Continue reading →

Carbs Are Like That Hot Guy You Loved in The 80s – (carb talk and 80s humor)

OK, without going into too much medical mumbo-jumbo, I’m supposed to have a new healthy diet, which includes cutting out most carbohydrates. Not fruits and veggies, but Starchy Carbs – like pasta, cereal, rice, baked goods, potatoes, and grains (YES, even if they’re made with yummy grains and oats and the gluten that comes with them).  And Sugary Carbs — like desserts, sodas, juices, and sweets.rob lowe 80s

So, I shall explain what I’ve learned about these carbs and why they are so truly “sucky” and unhealthy (unless you do a ton of anaerobic activity), in this little vignette where the carbs are the hot guy from high school/college who you so desperately wanted — who can resist carb talk and 80s humor? (Be Warned: I’m a Gen Xer so my references may be dated). 

It starts like this: First, you see the hot guy (donut, multigrain bagel, bbq potato chip, bowl of whole wheat spaghetti) and you think, Oooooh you’re cute, I totally want you. Your heart beats a bit faster and you do your best to impress. Now, I realize no one needs to impress a donut to eat it, though I will admit there are times I tell the donut how I’ve worked out earlier that day, in hopes that it doesn’t think I’m a gluttonous slob.

Hot Guy is up for a little conversation – you take a bite. (I mean of the donut, not the guy — this is a comparison remember?) Continue reading →