I was at my neighbor’s house the other day and her nine year old daughter sat down at the table with me. “Soooo, who’s your favorite character?” she asked, in the way one would while sharing tea and crumpets. I was not having tea, however, I was having coffee, one of the few things that still separates me from nine year olds. Well, most of them anyway.
My favorite character of what? Disney movies? Are we talkin’ Hannah Montana, or like Monsters vs. Aliens?
“No, my mom said you love Twilight, and OMG, me too! I am so in love with Jacob. How about you?” she squeaked eagerly, awaiting my answer.
Okay, as most of you know, I have a very unhealthy obsession with the Twilight series and the main character, Edward. I also believe, after giving the subject way too much thought, that this is either a sign of total immaturity or a mid-life crisis. So, either I’m mentally stuck in high school, or wishing I was.
“Are we having this conversation? Aren’t you nine?” Hello, clearly the fact that you love Jacob is a sign of your immaturity. “Everyone knows Edward is like the ultimate hottie,” I continued, drawing a line in the sand between me and the child that stood before me, who was excitedly bouncing to hear my answer.
“Yeah, he’s cute but I like werewolves better than vampires,” she replied, shrugging off my belligerent tone.
“What?! You’d rather date a werewolf than a vampire?” I argued. Jenny, don’t get yourself all worked up. What does she know anyway, she’s nine? While talking myself down, I noticed her Jonas Brothers concert tee. I realized that we may have the same taste in literature, and as it appears, nail polish, but I was the adult.
In fact, one of my readers had just sent me a very racy version of what supposedly happened on Edward and Bella’s honeymoon. A night that the author skimmed over to keep the books appropriate for her teen audience. Of course, in my suburb where the kids rule, “teen” means nine.
I reminded myself that I had a nugget of Twilight information that she would not be able to read for at least 2 years… at the rate she was going. I told her when her mom said it was okay, she could see my special chapter. You might be thinking that I got great joy in dangling that carrot, but nay I say. It was when I gave her a raspberry that I got the most joy.
She ran to her room and returned with a picture, the fold out kind that you pull from Tiger Beat Magazine, or One Day I Will Be a Know-It-All Magazine or whatever the teenie boppers are reading these days. You know, the ones that show young girls who are famous and rich, and handsome boys that are out of reach, and in turn, set their readers up for future disappointment and body dysmorphia.
She handed it to me, and I opened it up to find a picture of Robert Pattinson, the actor that plays Edward Cullin, who is also 13 years my junior. Don’t think it’s odd that I know that. I’m no stalker, but I do admittedly frequent the website: RobPatzStalkers.com
I think her poster was a peace offering, and in hindsight, a very mature response to my childish behavior. I looked at her, and then the picture. Then as I went to leave, I said, “By the way, the Jonas Brothers Suck! Yeah, they’re for babies and you love them.”
So who’s the most mature one in the room now?
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Super funny! i was laughing out loud. Maybe because I am a bit obsessed as well. I must say I am more Edward obsessed than Rob obsessed.
Also, I think you were totally justified in bullying a 9 year. Jacob? What does she know?
You are HILARIOUS and being obsessed with Edward is perfectly ok. Everyone is doing it! I love your blogs.. keep them coming!!
Jenny—I have to admit that I found no immaturity in this blog at all!!! I mean come on…we are talking about the Twilight series here. This is purely too emotional for anyone to discuss in a rational or mature way, hence whatever age, race, religious beliefs you have, be aware that the Twilight topic is up for major dispute and intense emotional outbreaks. Any discussion in regards to the movie/books will usual end in either a dream-scape where you are imagining yourself on the island in Edward’s arms getting the snot bleeped out of you or fighting over how said person is not totally obsessed with the series and does not live and breath everything Cullen. Can not wait until November 20th…NEW MOON BABY, NEW MOON!!!
I haven’t seen Twilight. GASP! Stop…take a breath. Truth is..I’m not sure I can squeeze another vampire into my fantasies since I’m currently obsessed with Bill from True Blood…which I sincerely hope no 9 year olds are watching!! But then again….I believe in Santa.
Edward all the way! I forgot Jeff was sitting on the sofa while we were watching Twilight. I felt like a teenager watching Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club! You are the very best!
So funny Jenny. I actually liked the movie, somewhat, and might actually read the books. I liked your Tiger Beat reference. Do you remember all of the Stand by Me and River Phoenix posters we had? Talk about obsessed.
don’t know about you, jenny, taking on a 9-yr. old girl!
now, i have to admit never seeing twilight. but i think i can see what you see in edward, and i can’t blame you for the obsession! (you’re right, what’s the girl know after a mere 9 yrs., anyway!)
nah, it’s not a mid-life crisis, maybe just the 7-yr. itch!
OMG, I was in line at WalMart the other day and saw a woman holding ‘eclipse’ in her hand, waiting to check out. I was just wondering if there is some reason that I HAVE to talk to EVERYONE about those books. Will I EVER stop being obsessed? Ever? I mean, really. It is quite unhealthy how obsessed I have become.
*sigh*
Wait, where do I get the chapter that was left out! And why is a 9 year old reading a teen book? For shame! And not that Robert isn’t handsome, but nothing like the Edward Cullen in my head 🙂
OMG! I can’t believe i know absolutely nothing about Twilight or this new craze w/werewolfs. Maybe it’s because I have 4 boys-my baby girl is only 2. And evidently I can thank my lucky stars that I have no knowledge of this or I too may start acting like a middle-age, teenie bopper wanna-be!
No, no matter how sexy this wolfman, eddie scissorhands man may be, I’m pretty sure I would not resort to such childish obession-especially since it’s only been a few years ago that i overcame my Michael Jackson addiction. No, I could never go back to such absurb behavior again!
naah, naah, naah, naah. Mine is better than yours. Very amusing, although I must admit I no nothing about the Vampires other than their author. You have to lend me the books. But I do like the banter between you and this 9 year old little girl, who obviously was mimicking her peers. Keep up the good work, I always like putting young people in their place.
I love that so many of you are fans of Twilight and that the ones who are not are fans of putting a nine year old in her place. I love my readers. By the way, I did not really like the movie or Robert in the part till I fell in love with him at the MTV awards. I know, I’m such a follower. But if you have not read the books it is sooo worth it.
Mid life crisis…I don’t think so babe! That’s right, I am a big fan of the hottie myself and despite the fact that I have two 8 year olds and a husband…don’t think that would even stop me if he looked in my general direction. Besides, what else is there if you cannot at the very least fantasize about your sinful thoughts. Loved it…keep it up girl!
Hi I would love to see the racy part that your reader sent you. would you be willing to share>
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Wow! So glad to read this & realize I may be normal after all or at least Im not the only obsessed one. I was in the book store the other day casually waiting for a young girl to get the heck away from the teen magazines so I could grab a copy ridden with Twilight photos on the front. You should’ve heard the battle going on in my mind. I decided it might look better if I also grabbed a Nickolodean magazine so clearly it would look like they were for someone other then myself. I blankly gazed over all the home decor magazines thinking this kid was surely going to move sometime this YEAR!! which she finally did. I finally snagged the magazine & placed it under the other’s I had collected, went & found a nice quiet spot to sit & marinated in all the Twilight goodness. I was only able to find a spot in the kids section & became quite paranoid when a security guard kept walking around the area. I felt like he could see right through all of my stealthy behavior. It didn’t take me long to figure out that I really wanted that magazine but was very intimidated at having to actually purchase it in front of others. I just knew they would know I was one of thooooose moms. Ughhhh! I finally decided to grab a cheap birthday card & purposefully place it on top of the magazine so clearly it was for someone else!! Am I pathetic or what? Well, supposedly not because I can really relate to all you have written here & am so glad to find someone who can understand the joy & madness I go through in figuring this obsession out. Thanks so much for sharing & making me feel normal again 🙂