For better or worse … that’s what we agreed to, right? Who new when we signed up for this by saying “I do,” that our mates would become so annoying?
Sure, we love them, but let’s face it, when you live with someone day in day out for what feels like an eternity, the little quirks that were once endearing, or at least easy to ignore, can become somewhat irritating, exasperating, irksome, maddening, and grating. Have I said too much?
Last week, my husband — who has pretty much no idea how to use most of the items in our home or where we keep them for that matter — screamed from the kitchen (after having a tooth extracted), “Hey honey, where do we keep the saltwater, or do we not have any in the house?” I was tempted to send him to the store to futilely search for a bottle o’ saltwater simply to avoid dealing with the ridiculousness of that question, plus I needed time to think of reasons I love him.
Instead, I made you this list of annoying things husbands do (well, mine at least), for the purpose of female bonding and personal sanity…
- He constantly pours out drinks that people are still drinking. He puts nothing else in our house away, but if you are not actively holding the cup and sipping, you’re done with it. (The last time he poured out my latte, he almost lost an arm.
- When he goes to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I’m pretty sure he’s aiming for the walls.
- He doesn’t know where we keep anything ie: the spatula, the extra paper towels, the extender to change light bulbs, the forks, the vacuum cleaner … the oven.
- I have a daily variation of a conversation in which he can’t find something and then insists that we or the store he’s searching in, is out of it.
- Once he tried to make hard-boiled eggs for my son. I told him, ‘All you have to do is boil water.’ When it was boiling, he screamed, ‘Okay, now what?’
- If something isn’t within plain view he can’t find it, did I say plain view? I meant actually in his hands.
- He always seems to want to have sex when I don’t.
- Did you know the Yankees play 165 games a season? We have the MLB extra innings station on TV. ‘Nuf said!!
- I asked if he would try and get healthy with me … he stuck his hand in a bag of mini Oreos and said, ‘Yep I’m totally on board.’
- He has the same attitude about the hamper and the sink that most people have about horseshoes. ‘Eh, close enough.’
- Trash day has been Monday and Thursday for the last decade, plus he has to pass everyone else’s cans as he drives out of our development — and still he forgets 50 percent of the time.
- Sometimes he blows his nose on the cloth napkins at restaurants. Seriously, who under 85 does that?
- He stuffs a pillow and the comforter between his knees when he sleeps, then he rolls over at least once a night — taking it all with him.
- When he’s sick the world stop spinning on its axis, he leaves a mound of tissues on the floor that you could pitch off of, and I’m pretty sure he walks around wiping his hands on every handle, phone, and remote in our home.
- I have to tell him everything a thousand times. For two months we went to the bathroom in the dark because I refused to remind him to change the bulb and apparently sitting on the toilet in a dark room wasn’t reminder enough.
- He thinks that sneezing off to the side is the same as covering your mouth. This is especially annoying when we’re in the car and he sneezes straight onto the closed window.
- He always announces when he’s straightened up, which is actually a good thing because I wouldn’t be able to tell otherwise.
- He sleeps on top of the top sheet.
- Whenever I ask him to look at something on my laptop he tries to scroll or make it bigger by putting his fingers on the screen. Has he never seen a computer?
- He tells me he knows how to get somewhere and then 30 minutes later, he calls to tell me he’s lost.
- He always parks in the spot closest to where he enters the parking lot, which is usually the farthest from the actual store. As we walk, I annoyingly point out every spot we could’ve had.
- He eats Doritos, Cheetos, and Cheez-Its in bed. I love finding orange fingerprints on our white bedding or a Dorito corner embedded in my thigh.
PS — Don’t feel bad for my man, the list of things I love about him is wayyyyyy longer (it’s just not funny). Plus, I’m sure he could make lengthy list of all the irritating things I do — but luckily, he has no idea where we keep the pens and paper. Phew …
I lOVE YOU MONKEY!!!
Allright, now spill, it’s cathartic: What annoys you about the spouse you so dearly love?
Be Awesome Share This Post, Be “Awesomer” Teach My Hubby To Make Coffee
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I fell about laughing at the salt water issue!
It’s not so much amusing but daft – he likes the toilet roll a particular way on the holder. It’s fun to turn it around and wait for the moaning to start.
The most annoying is him sitting in the car passenger seat and telling me I cannot leave a give way sign without the car that is driving 300 yards down the road I am turning into ploughing in my rear end. I remind him every time that 4 cars could turn behind me before there was a danger of that happening.
He doesn’t drive, he refuses to after accidently driving OVER a roundabout because he was looking down and trying to work out what gear he was in. He gets told to learn to drive if he wants to determine whether it is safe to leave a give way sign.
Oh yea, well, I have a really annoying thing my husband does…He pulls out his dentures in a restaurant after eating, and licks them clean …..OMG!
That’s an awesome list–most of them my husband Dan does as well. Is that a man thing? But the thing that drives me the most crazy? The snoring. You can hear it across the house. It wakes up the kids sometimes. I sleep with earplugs.
YES! TO ALL! Ugh, the sneezing and the snot. He’ll be like, “What?” and I’m like, LOOK AT THE WINDOW! It’s like this slow-motion video of sneezing/coughing/germs we watched in health class in high school.
Side story about chips in bed. Once we met a friend’s girlfriend (now wife) for the first time and she was telling us how he came home once with scratches all over his back and his story is that it was from tortilla chips in bed. The Hubs and I valiantly kept straight faces and went home feeling sorry for the gal but your doritos injury lends some credibility to his story 😉
My favorite is that he sneezes to the side and onto the closed window. Or maybe it’s imagining him ove ra pot of boiling water, screaming about what he should do to boil the egg. Awesome. K-ster thinks cleaning up is just moving things from where they are to another place. Always a place they still dont’ belong. And then I can’t find what I need in a hurry because it’s not in the place where I left it.
I can totally relate to not knowing where anything is kept! Pi continuously puts things back in the wrong spot in the kitchen to the point that I know where he puts them and now he’s convinced that since I know the spot he put them that it should be the right spot. Except that it’s NOT CONVENIENT for me when I am cooking. Why would I keep spatulas and cooking spoons in a drawer across the room from the stove instead of on the very noticeable container ON THE STOVETOP COUNTERTOP.
My wonderful guy can’t pick up after himself EVER or seem to close a cupboard door. We moved in together a year ago and I thought “Oh I can make myself seem really really valuable by doing it for him!” I did need a therapist to point out to me that if someone isn’t doing something for themselves, it doesn’t matter to them when someone else does it either.
So, a roundabout way for me to gain my freedom–finally at 40!–from basing my self-esteem on doing things for my partner that he doesn’t bother to do for himself. We’ve only been together a little over a year but both have been married twice, with that exact dynamic going on in those previous relationships. Thank goodness for therapists! Lol.
I totally get the parking thing. He especially loves to do it when I am wearing heels and/or have to pee.
My sweet Lovebird makes me absolutely insane with some of these very same things. He also treats me to “my god, they must be selling the store” any time a parking lot is even the least bit full. Even if its the grocery store the payday before Thanksgiving.
The other one that really and truly makes me lightheaded is when he says something wrong, like an idiom or just a simple phrase and I sweetly correct him in the most non-judgy way possible (“Honey, it’s “just as soon”, not “just assume”. Or “chesterdrawer” instead of “chest of drawers”. Yes they are real words. No, it doesn’t make it right.) and he has a fit about me “always having to be right”. I used to try to diffuse. But we’ve been together for almost five years so he now gets what I’m thinking, “You sound stupid when you say it wrong and I love you too much to let you sound stupid.” At that point if he still wants to say it wrong, its willful stupidity.
And my family passing judgement on you is solely your own doing.
Really, I love my guy but….let me add the annoying things he does:
-soaks every single dish before putting in the dishwasher. He does with a smirk.
-leaves the diaper drawers open~ I can’t for the life of me understand why he can’t close it.
-feels so proud when he unloads the dishwasher~ but doesn’t understand that it’s not 100% helpful when he leaves the pots and tupperware for me to put away.
-tries to be funny (umm…it’s not funny honey)
That’s just to name a few…but like you, he’s an awesome husband. He pets my head when I cry. I actually love it.
This is fun! hahaha…. my husband makes this annoying sucking noise when he’s chewing. It’s like sitting next to Lisa Simpson sucking on her @#*!ing pacifier. I want to bludgeon him sometimes. Mostly when I’m totally PMSing. But then I want to bludgeon everyone.
Oh, and he has a heinous woman for a mother. But I guess that’s not his fault.
Thanks for the fun catharsis! xo
Its Maggie Simpson.
I love your list and that would drive me crazy but I dont have most of those problems. Instead I have a whole other set:
1. He will only dump the trash if it is trash day. We only have 1 trash day a week. (thank goodness our trash is in the garage and not our house. He will literally let it pile up, spill out and overflow onto the garage floor.
2. He plays video Games!!! (does this need an explanation) When he starts a game there is nothing in the world that exists, not me, not our daugter, not our dog and not even our house. We may as well live like he is out of town except for the big lump on the couch with the red bloodshot eyes. Oh yes and did I mention the games he plays are not appropriate for our 6 year old girl so I must keep her out of the living room for the whole three days it takes him to beat the game he just paid $60+ for.
3. He cleans up but only his own stuff. He refuses to touch anything of mine or our daughters because we should learn to pick up our own stuff.
4. He does not run errands, ever!!! He wont go to the bank, take our daughter to Girl Scouts, go to the Grocery Store, pick up the cleaning, or even go to the mailbox. I take our Daughter to and from school (and I work full time).
5. He always wants to know why im never home or always too busy for him. Well maybe it has to do with my having to do all of the stuff listed above MYSELF!
6. He blows is nose on tissue and throws it on the floor because its too gross to put anywhere else. He never picks them up! Thats my job!
7. He also taught my daughter to do #6
8. He leaves the silverware to “Soak” everytime he does dishes (i guess its a good thing he rarely does dishes). Finally we run out of silverware so I have to finish the job.
9. He talks to his mom and brother for a total of 1-2 hours EVERY night. When I ask him what they taked about he says ‘Nothing Really’.
10. He forgets to tell me about important plans and gets mad when I plan something else.
As you said above my Hubby is a good man and I love him. He does a whole lotta things I love but he still has a few quirks that need some tweeking.
This reminded me so much of my husband. I’m glad I’m not alone.
“He thinks that sneezing off to the side is the same as covering your mouth. This is especially annoying when we’re in the car and he sneezes straight onto the closed window.” that’s my boy – he does the same shiet every time, I have to remind him to sneeze ON HIS SLEEVE 😛 Great list Jenny 🙂 -Iva
My husband is OCD soooo I could write a list two miles long ha! But these are the MOST irritating:
-checks his alarm clock at least 5 times every night, has two alarms set with three times on each (just in case) and says the times out load every time he checks them! This drives me insane!!
-brings markers home from work in his pocket and then lines them up on top of the entertainment unit, because he forgets to take them back the next day. Whenever anyone walks by they go flying off, so I’m constantly picking them up!
-also stacks change the same way with equal effects!
-has no clue, apparently, how to change the toilet paper roll. I’m pretty sure he’s Never done it!
-talks in his sleep about work and gets annoyed when I tell him you are home in bed, Not at work!!
-falls asleep and snores on the couch, then when I wake him up he insists, like really insists he was not sleeping!
-has allergies that cause awful coughing fits but refuses to take or forgets to take allergy meds unless I put one in his hand.
The peeing everywhere – so true. I don’t understand why the simple concept of pee+toilet is so hard for my husband to understand but I am CONSTANTLY cleaning up pee. Adult human pee.
I laugh at this, I really laugh.
I’ve told my hubby this…
” If peeing was having sex, you’d get it in the hole every time!…and the toilet’s significantly larger!”
Love.this.
I am in agreement with every single thing you wrote about. The thing I would add that drives me MENTAL is this: the rare occasions my hubby unloads the dishwasher, he leaves 75% of the items on the countertop because, as he claims, he doesn’t know where those things go. I find it interesting that when he’s making himself breakfast, or lunch on weekends, or snacks at varying times of day, he knows where to FIND the items he needs …….. but doesn’t know where they go when its time to put them away. Interesting.
That’s because he opens every drawer and cabinet until he finds what he is looking for. Some times he gets lucky and it’s in the first place he looks.
I particularly like the hamper reference. I once nailed my husband’s underwear to the floor. It was four days before he noticed.
My husband makes this slow gulping sound when he drinks water. I can barely type this it makes me so annoyed. Guuuuulp…….Guuuuulp…….Guuuuuulp. Seriously, just drink the water! JUST DRINK IT!
I can totally relate to most everything on the list but my pet peeves:
1) My daughter who is now 13 has danced since she was 5 on the same days for the last seven years and I still get a text every Tuesday from my husband asking where she is.
2) If my husband drops my kids off for any activity because I am unable to, the coach or teacher will be calling me to pick them up because my husband forgot. But he never forgets anything he needs to remember or wants to do.
3) He waits until I am ready for bed (usually almost asleep) before he wants to have a serious discussion or needs me to do something. AND HE WONDERS WHY I AM CRANKY! AS IF BEING A MOM DOES NOT MAKE ME SLEEP DEPRIVED ENOUGH.
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OMG!!!! Hahahaha!!! I truly believe you are married to my husband!!! Just let me add a couple of things to your list….with the horseshoes thing my husband believes the same thing about the trashcan. He will actually place trash on the counter NEXT to the trashcan instead of moving it that ginormous couple of inches into the can. He will, also, ask my opinion on something then do the exact opposite!!! Oh yeah! And while I’m at it (he just did this) he goes in the kitchen and snacks on croutons which make his breath smell like roadkill then he comes in here where I am and just BREATHES!!! I think he does it on purpose!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Oh God he’s back looking around like he’s lost….now he’s heading back to the kitchen and the croutons!!! I’ve got to invest in a gas mask!!
My husband does that with onions! I HATE the taste of raw onions in my mouth, but he eats them and then comes and breathes on me…I have to leave the room!! Last week I got trapped in the car for 2 hours with his onion and cigarette breath! Oh and he like never brushes his teeth and rarely changes his clothes=( I started sweetly saying, “oh baby, i got your clothes ready for u!”. He always says “oh thank u!”
So true… Just wanted to mention a book that has made it a LITTLE more likely clothes will make it in the hamper, trash in the trash, etc. It is called “Organizing solutions for people with attention deficit disorder.” No one in my house has ADD but some of the suggestions in this book are great!
Some of the most simple: don’t keep your kitchen trash in a cupboard and don’t have a lid on your laundry hamper. This has increased stuff put away in the right place by at least 50%.
My boyfriend has an annoying habit where he comes over to my place and takes a pack of oreo’s out of the luxury draw and leaves the wrapper where he last sat. He never puts the toilet seat down. He doesn’t flush after he pee’s because apparently no trees were injured during this process. He makes this annoying sound using his nose and claims “he can’t help it”. He always bangs the car door, he blames this on his manly strength. He always takes his seat belt of 5 minutes before we arrive at our destination… the list goes on… but likewise the list why I love him is way longer.
Annoying Husband activities:
1. Constantly scrolling and laughing out loud at meme’s on FB. For hours sometimes.
2. Always has an inside joke he is laughing about. Usually pertaining to a conversation online I have no part in but looks at me as if I should be laughing too.
3. Sits in front of the computer for hours on end and the chair makes a squeak sound every time he plops down in it.
4. Often talks to me about a subject starting mid sentence or thought so I have to say “what?” “What are you talking about?” And then when he repeats he often forgets the full explanation so I have to ask again.
5. He eats his food and folds his napkins very carefully. Sectioning and chewing “just so”
6. He insists that the window be open every night because he is too hot, so I can’t sleep because of the outside sounds, so I sleep every night on the couch.
7. He never throws anything away in the kitchen, the counters will be littered with opened items, papers, receipts.
8. If he does throw something away, he doesn’t take care to not overflow the trash bin and often everything starts spilling onto the floor.
9. He turns our dining room table into a storage space for books and papers and slowly but surely the entire dining room table is a huge pile or stuff making it impossible to eat at.
10. He talks to me about topics we have nothing in common about constantly.
11. He always says quietly and gently “I am going to to upstairs” in apologetic way which just means “I am going to sit in front of the computer” every single moment of the day. He comes downstairs sometimes.
Ugh the list can go on. I can’t say this really helps.
He is a male version of me, except the food sectioning and the open window bit. I’m horrible to live with apparently.
O Wow, ladies! My husband has become this annoying creature and I can totally relate to MOST of everything you’ve all said about what your hubby’s do. He is several years older than me and thinks that just because he is older that he knows MUCH more and can do everything better! He never used to drive me bats, but lately… anyway, here’s some of the things my loving man has been doing that makes me crazy:
1. Since this is his 2nd marriage and his 1st wife had the luxury of staying home to tend the kids, house, and his whims and I’ve always worked, he always tells me I should have stayed home with my kids instead of providing for them by working. Really? (I hear this at least weekly for the past 8 years)
2. “He’s the man” and therefore, the “head” of the household, so he’s the one who decides what we do or don’t do. (Doesn’t matter if no one else in the family wants to do whatever it is, we are expected to obey his wishes.) for example: one day he brought home a puppy, out of the blue. Puppy becomes dog, dog developed kidney problem, dog died. I said I wanted to get another dog because I happen to like dogs, he says no.
3. Sex. I’m expected to be ready when he is with no foreplay or heads up. (no pun intended!)
4. He has started drinking beer on a daily basis, has “beer farts” nightly and actually LIFTS the covers up when he’s in bed so the odor permeates the bedroom while I’m in there.
5. Laughs so hard at stupid crap on tv that his dentures come flying out of his mouth and he almost passes out.
6. Licks his dentures AFTER he’s done with a meal to get stuck on food off them instead of going into the bathroom to rinse them off. (he does this in public too, and I cannot look at him when he does it because it makes me want to throw up!) So many times he’s been in the car, pulled them out and licked them. (I have GREAT side vision so seeing him do that while stuck in a car with him is almost inevitable.)
7. Prefers to be the one to drive us anywhere, even though he has a horrible sense of direction, gets us lost, takes wrong turns, and falls asleep at the wheel!
8. Asks who I’m talking to every time the phone rings, turns the tv down so he can listen to the conversation (on our end) and interjects and butts in, regardless who is on the other end, but yet refuses to be the one to answer the phone and avoids talking on the phone at all costs.
9. If I send him to the store with a list specifically detailing the items I need him to purchase, in order of the store layout, he will leave the list in the car, come home with only a few of the items needed, and most of the items he purchased being wrong and then BLAME ME for having asked him to go get the things in the 1st place.
10. Tells me I’m a spoiled brat because my parents could not have more children and I was an only child, even though I worked my whole adult life and supported my family. I still work to this very day.
11. NFL football fan. Let’s see… there’s the draft that has to be on the tv from start to finish through morning, noon and night. Then there’s the training camp and all the things that goes with that that has to be on constantly. And then there’s the actual games, most of which get recorded on the DVR so he can watch ALL of them.
12. Along with #11. the college football games have to be watched so he knows who He’d pick to go to which NFL teams when the draft time comes. Seriously?
13. While he’s watching these games, he’s texting with one of his buddies back and forth about the plays, how stupid that was, how great that was, yeah man!
14. He never turns the exhaust fan on in the bathroom when he takes a dump or showers. He actually OPENS the bathroom door and “waves” the odor into the rest of the house! he’s proud of his stench.
15. He occasionally tries to cook something… wow, I did say “tries”, right? I came home to a lovely pot of goo on the stove one night after work and he proudly told me that he’d made dinner. I asked him what it was and he said that it was bacon, green beans and potatoes boiled in water. (Save me!) He had put RAW bacon in a pot of water with the beans and taters and boiled it together… the 2 inches of grease on the top of the pot was enough to make you gag, and then he made me taste it and actually got offended when I told him that we were going out for dinner.
16. When he eats most things, his dentures “click” with each chew. Most annoying when there’s no other background noise and all I hear is that.
17. He snores! Wakes himself up snoring and then yells at me to be quiet! I threatened to record him some night.
Overall, he’s a good guy. He’s good to me, loves me and puts up with all the crap I do that I know is annoying to him too. I’m blessed to have him in my life. Thanks for letting me vent and for giving me a smile or two with all the silly things guys in our lives do.
Your post seriuosly had me cracking up! Its naptime at my home preschool that my husband and I run together and I was trying not to wake up the kids. I seeiously sounded luke that cartoon dog from the 70’s named Precious! Thank y for that!!
My husby argues with me over every little thing, never puts away anything, is unorganized and often misplaces important things, overly defensive, doesn’t get me like he used to, is fiscally irresponsible, and doesn’t have much of a life outside of me and work. It’s exhausting. Lately just being near him makes me feel irritable and pissed off.
An annoying husband is one thing, but an inconsiderate husband is another thing. Is marriage supposed to make me wish I had stayed single forever? Being an old cat lady looks really good where I’m sitting right now. Think I’ll post an ad on craigslist for someone to take him off my hands. I’ll trade him for a comfy pair of slippers. Then again, maybe I should go for a more even trade like a wad of used gum.
(excuse my english)
my husband puts me in a position where i keep asking myself if i should be with him…..as i get really angry at times
1. He pee on the toilet and sometimes on the floor (when he miss it) i have to mop the toilet all the time as i don’t feel its hygienic
2. he can never put things back where he found them.
3. always goes in my purse and takes all my change.
4. leaves his work clothes on the washing machine.
5. he constantly pick his noise and say he have an itch.
6. when he switch sides at night, he wakes me up cause he moves too much. we share the same cover so i will get cold when he is twisting.
7. takes long in the shower and says we are the one who use lots of water.
8. he have to poop every morning and afternoon, he thinks its healthy
9. oh and he farts this big trumping noise EVERY morning
10. he never have change our baby’s dirty diaper. he will change on rare occasions only if baby have pee or i’m not available
11. he thinks he is always right about everything
12. keeps instructing me when i’m driving.
………….. but i love him tho
This was a truly funny post! And I think I can add a few more funnies.
1. Backs into every parking space. I’ve never seen a woman do this. What…why…whatever.
2. Listens to sports talk radio EVERY morning. Before you can say take your earplugs out (he snores too)- it’s time to greet the day with Toucher & Rich, dissecting every detail of the game he already watched for three hours last night.
3. Sneezes more than the requisite 3-4 times, making me having to repeat Bless You over and over. Even if I wait until I’m sure he’s done to say the words, he’ll find a little speckle of dust in there to expel just to make me say it again. And what’s with employing the vocals? I know he can sneeze more quietly if he wanted to.
4. When the dog farts in bed, he waves his hands to fan the scent away from him, fanning the plume of foul scent directly into my nostrils. I might have narrowly escaped exposure to said plume, given that the dog sleeps on his side of the bed. But noooooooo.
5. Sings off tune loudly, then gets mildly hurt when the family groans and tells him to stop. Sometimes this is sort of entertaining. Sometimes…well, it’s just annoying.
6.Struck by terror at the idea of calling the pizza guy, or the chinese food place, or the relatives when we’re running late. He talks all week long on the phone with clients. What gives?
7. Farts loudly in the bathroom and then walks immediately out into our collective space. Doesn’t he know he’s trailing whatever is still trapped in his drawers?
But he also makes me coffee every single morning just the way I like it (to the soothing sounds of Toucher and Rich), takes out the trash, industriously collects old trees in the forest and chops it up for firewood to keep us warm all winter, and is content to fire up the grill when I feel like boycotting dinner duty.
he is always in the kitchen looking for what he did not keep. sometimes, he. opens the freezer to throw it out something’s or the pot to check if the I prepared is much.
am just sick of it.he nags all the time
The sex one was the best…who wants to do that…like ever?
I was planning for an upcoming surgery and had to make a spreadsheet for my husband and two boys to ‘attempt’ to keep up the house while I recovered. One night he was going to fix them a frozen pizza and asked how to use the oven, we’ve lived in this house about eight years.
Sometimes I find refrigerator food in the cabinets, (butter, mayo, etc.)…and then like cereal and peanut butter in the fridge?
Actually, maybe he needs to see a doctor?
we have 11 out of your remarks matching. My husband is half deaf or so he says. I have to repeat myself nearly 10 times until he gets it.
Oh. Lordy. My husband has the gawkiness of a man who is the love child of Forrest Gump and Bill Gates.
1. He is LOUD. Everthing he does is loud. Talking sneezing, coughing, walking, breathing. He even drives the car loud. Don’t ask me how.
2. He knows everything. And he won’t shut up about it.
3. He will stand there looking awkward at the most inconvenient times. Like when I am coming at him with an armful of something heavy. And, he’s in the way. Won’t move. Have to tell him every time, please move. He gets hurt by this.
3. Drives while thinking about something else. He is dangerous but will bristle when told he needs to look at the huge semi he’s tailgating at 80 mph.
4. Doesn’t listen to me at all. Eyes glaze over. He waits until I’m done, then changes the subject. Wonders why I’m mad and hurt.
5. Brings up my failings in large crowds. Loudly. The death stare doesn’t stop him.( At least I bring his up here online quietly).
5. Tells me what to do with my money, and interrogates me about what I buy. Says he would not ever buy that and if he did he’d get it cheaper.
6. Argues for the sake of argument. About everything.
7. Fails to get the point of my comments, even when its in his favor.
8. His ideas and plans : good. Mine: the work of Satan and feminists.
9. Won’t even acknowledge when I’m blatantly hurt and injured. No asking how I am.
10. He DOES remember birthdays and Christmas presents. He knows chocolate is always a good gift. I’m well stocked.
This made me smile, which I needed! My hubby also sneezes and blows his nose FAR LOUDER than any human should have to. Remember Felix Unger on the old Odd Couple show? He is the worst sick person EVER which scares me as I am not much of a nurse. Hubby too does not know where items go, then puts them way up high where I can’t reach, then I think we are out of ________ (fill in the blank), go buy another bottle or box of it, only to find a brand new one in the wrong place. Doesn’t engage in conversations with other family members, then claims he is always left out and no one ever tells him anything. Is so weird about money, spending too much on unimportant things and begrudging money spent on appliances, redoing the yard, windows–stuff we actually need and use. But unlike many of the others dished on this site, he is an EXCELLENT cook, better than I will ever be, and does the dishes/dishwasher thing regularly. I think it’s way saves us!
Omg my husband just got a tooth pulled out! And what is it about boiling an egg dear Lord!?And why are clothes gathered around the hamper and not in it?He can’t find a shirt that’s right in front of his face, he has shirts on my dining chairs and other furniture and socks all over the floor and you have to find them in every corner like a scavenger hunt!His idea of replacing toilet paper is putting a new one on top of the empty one coz it’s too hard to take it out! Oh and here’s one more, we went the grocery on a holiday madness day, he wanted to get crab legs, I said sure dear it’s up to you, he said what do you think, I said they’re frozen I’m not sure if I can cook them tonight, but I said go ahead, he said you think they’re worth it, I said I don’t know they don’t seem to have much meat in them but if you really want them just get it. This went on and on going back and forth around the store. Then finally he said let’s just go, I guess we’ll just get Taco Bell and he knows how I feel about Taco Bell junk. He said, you didn’t want to get the crab legs! Omg! This kept going all the way home and he asked me what I was making for dinner and I said I thought you were getting Taco Bell! He said fine don’t make me anything, you should’ve told me you were in a bad mood and didn’t want anything. I just want to scream! and now he locked himself in his office Happy New Year! He’ll be out when he gets hungry.
Hheyy.. Hhahaahaa 😀 totally agree with you Jenny.. My husband seems to do exactly as you have listed.. 😀
Ladies my hubby beats them all he;
Sleeps with his work shirt as he can not be bothered to take it off… He says he’s tired never forgets to mention that
Showers once a decade
Leaves all his things around the house which he says will do in a minute, if I don’t mention it anymore will be there forever, untill I move it
When I ask him he says I am so in patient give him a second to respond, if I don’t repeat myself a thousand times he does not seem to of heard me, does not confirm of conversations … So I don’t really know if he heard or not
Does not look after our son barley plays with him, just kisses and Hugs when he wants
Untill recently used to sleep with his socks, finally he got the point after 4 years
Does not seem to see the point of shoe dhelves he prefers blocking the hall way with his shoes
Leaves his dirty clothes right on top of other clothes clean ones
Does not make the bed even if he does only throws it over the bed and that it.
Asks when do they take the rubbish hasn’t changed Tuesday ever since we moved in.
Leaves all chores to me
Locks himself in toilet as if … And plays games and watch stuff on his phone… He is missing the point I can hear what he is going
Would leave our son with dirty nappy untill I see it/ find out, so that I do it… Cought him red handed a few times
Asks me to be quiet when I want to tell him how annoying he I’d Beeing
Completely relies on me for everything as if I control his life
Does not appriciAte any of the chores or things I do
And much more 🙁
Takes the kids out without washing their faces and dressing them nicely.
Leaves left over food in the sink.
Takes off dirty work clothes and leaves them on the porch. Ditto socks. The bathroom floor is apparently a laundry hamper…who knew!
wants to go for aimless drives with three kids under four at 5 pm till 9 daily regardless of needing to clean cook get ready for bed and me always expressing it.
Never helps with bedtime routines and if he does anything minor he does it in a condescend “see how easy this is” way.
Actually I hate him. He complains and criticises and has zero respect for my time and efforts raising our family. I’m somehow expected to drop whatever I’m doing when he wants and still keep a perfect house complete with meals, sex, counselling. I wish I stayed single.
Thanks for the venting space. I needed it.
Picks up pennies or change on the ground at the store, in parking lots or at events. I understand quarters, but pennies? It’s embarrassing. Then he carries that change in an old sock to the grocery store to cash them in.
He ruined my $200 pair of jeans when putting them in the dryer on high heat after I asked him to not dry ANY jeans.
He wears baggy jeans from 1999… and sags them.
He’s cheap. Our FIRST DATE we went to this very romantic lights festival in our city park. The tickets were only $8 each. I paid for mine. Or when we go out to eat, we go dutch. Almost always.
He didn’t buy me a Christmas present this year. I bought my own for him to give to me because I knew he wasn’t going to buy me anything. A few months later he told me he thought he had bought them and wanted praise for what great gifts they were.
He has the palate of a 10 year old. I’m a chef for a living, so this sucks balls for me. One time he managed to mess up microwave mac n cheese. It’s cute honestly but we don’t ever go out to fine dining restaurants because he won’t eat anything.
He calls his Mom “Mother.”
He smokes weed habitually and coughs aggressively for long periods of time.
Because of his drug habbit he eats way too much, ignores the fact that carbs, sugars and fats are terrible for you in mass quantities. He ate four drumsticks one day. You know the ice cream cones with nuts and chocolate? That was the entire box. If there were more in the box I’m sure they would have been eaten too. I worry more about his health than anything but he’s getting fat.
He’s only had sex with one other person in his life when he was 17. He’s now 30. Therefore, he rarely ejaculates with me because he’s been single almost his entire life and is conditioned to watching porn for that kind of release.
I’ve been told I’m very pretty. I have good hygiene, I’m petite and Asian (if that does anything for ya). I’ve modeled on more than one occasion. Not like that matters but I’m just saying I’m not physically unattractive or stanky. Why can’t he have an orgasm with me? This is borderline infuriating and simultaneously painful for me to cope with.
I’m still paying for an ultrasound from a miscarriage that was his that happened a year ago. I bled heavily for three weeks and became anemic from loss of white blood cells.
Oh this website topic has made me literally cry laughing honestly – brilliant
Apparently I can make the screen bigger with my fingers! I have a touch screen computer, but I didn’t know I could that.
Anywase:
Vacuums leftover food out of the sink
Says, “I was just going to do that,” when I finally give in and ask him to do something that I’ve asked him to do before.
Tells me he wasn’t sleeping when he clearly was
Drives either too fast or too slow, but never at the actual speed limit.
Stands directly behind me (we have a arch into our living room) until I crank my neck around to see what is doing
Even though he’s compassionate, he is horrible at comforting me
Always wants sex when I’m not in the mood and forgets what I told him repeatedly will get me in the mood
Always steps right when I step right and always gets in the way when I’m in the kitchen
Stands there staring at me and doesn’t say anything even though I can tell he wants to say something
Takes an hour to get out the door. Seriously, I will be asleep in the car before he gets out
Laughs about annoying things – and awkwardly at that
I love my hubby. But there are times when I have to breathe and remind myself of that fact.
Like when he leaves Chapstick in his pants pocket. I always find them… When they come out the dryer.
Or, when he asks me “what’s wrong?” A million times over. Nothing, except that question!
Or the fact that he leaves stuff lying everywhere. He comes home and throws his stuff down wherever. Why oh why can’t he just put things in their proper place?
I know I’m plenty difficult myself.
So I guess it all evens out 🙂
I am so glad I came across this. It made me laugh out loud! I needed it because my husband was driving me nuts. He will purposely do things he knows will get me annoyed when he is excited and in a good mood and I just want to scream
After 33 years, I am pretty sure my list would be the longest and most irritating. Sadly, he is really not getting any better. I feel like I am married to a two year old, bent on opposing anything I say. I have a spine injury, so there are some things I can’t do. If I ask for help, he states, ” I can’t help you. I have diabetes.” This could get ugly. Suffice it to say that he still coughs without covering his mouth; when he is sick he refuses to take antibiotics until everyone at home is sick too and on antibiotics themselves; he also cannot find a thing—it’s a good thing I have since day one always told him where things are kept in general; he looks through anything I touch–my purse, my drawers, the garden hose, a blanket—if I touch it, he must too; he copies me in everything and follows me around—The other day I was in the living room chatting with my daughter and watching a movie. He waltzed into the room and opened every curtain to let the sun in, which is something I do every morning. I said, “Hey, we are in a dark room for a reason!” On another occasion, when he is leaving the house, he will turn off every light, including the light of the room I am in, and moreover, he will close the door. One time he left me in a pitched dark house while I was in the bathroom! Or I’ll come home to a pitched dark house because it has not occurred to him to turn on the front porch light for me. When I take the dog for a quick pee walk, I had better have my house keys with me, otherwise I may come home to be locked out all day! When he buys groceries, he sets them on the breakfast nook table and there they remain until eternity until I do something about them. He buys heavy packs of beer and bottled water and sets them on this table too. He does NOTHING around the house. Because of my injury, I’m not supposed to lift heavy things or do prolonged housework. I’m also allergic to dust. Yet he does NOTHING. When I finally set a day aside to clean up a room, when it’s all over, he will come down and sit in that room, and in ten minutes leave a royal mess behind. If I clean the kitchen before the maid comes, he will come down to the kitchen to leave all his dirty coffee mugs in the sink. He leaves dirty coffee mugs all over the house. His office room looks like something from a hoarders show. He says things like “it’s very kind of” and “did I catch you at a wrong time?” All day long on the phone in a loud voice. If I sit to play the piano, he will ask me how much longer I’ll be playing. He argues with me in front of others. He wears dirty underwear or no underwear at all. Some of his pants are too big, hence the unsightly crack revealed. He texts me using exclamation points every sentence. “Hi! I miss you!” It gets very very old. He also likes to scratch my skin (and his). Talk about annoying! He has a white beard that ages him and he won’t shave off even for once. He coughs and spits every morning and pees with the bathroom door open. I am SICK to my stomach from listening to his daily piss and spit vomit cycle! He never brings in the trash without being asked. He will remember to do something with a one year delay. He will do something thoughtful for me but then complain he’s doing it because I begged him to do it when I’ve never even brought up the topic. He used to bring friends over unannounced while I was still in pajamas. He gets early morning estimates from workers for house projects that he never undertakes. He cannot make conversation beyond a series of questions. I have to tell him, “I can only answer two questions per conversation.” He has a loud booming voice when he’s on the phone, and he walks up the stairs with great big thumping noise. He never makes reservations to anything……even on Valentine’s Day or my birthday. The bottom line is that if I want anything done, I must do it myself, and I do a better job anyway. So, I am inclined to believe that it’s not so bad for a woman to remain single all her life.
My husband is beyond explanation. He must have come from another planet, he is so annoying. I used to think he did it purposely, but now I think he is honestly just like that, like it is normal behavior for him. He is so lazy. He can’t make anything in the kitchen, even if I’m not here and he is hungry, he would rather starve to death. Oh, he can make popcorn, “WOW”. He doesn’t do dishes, fix beds, throw trash, do laundry, he doesn’t do ANYTHING. He works nights, I am very appreciative and try to do my part to help him out because I have been out of work for 8 years. But then he takes advantage. I make him lunches and kool-aid to take with him when he goes to work, because he will only drink kool-aid. I have to get individual bottles and fill them up with kool-aid every night. But, now he wants me to make all his friends at work lunch. “What?” Don’t his friends have slave wives of their own? Every once in a while I will make his friends something too, if I have extras. He absolutely does not get me anything for Christmas, Valentines Day, Mothers Day, Birthday, any holiday, but he reminds me when Fathers Day, his birthday, and Christmas are coming up. He is super bossy and acts like he is the king of the world and everyone around him is just there to do for him. Oh, he doesn’t act like that when he is around his friends, he acts like is a fun loving, caring husband. I cannot complain though, I have chosen him to be my husband, and I’m still with him after 30 years. I think something is wrong with me?
I’m finding myself getting far too tunnel vision when it comes to the annoying things at the moment so here goes-
He dosnt recover opened food when he puts it into the fridge
He never clears or cleans up after making himself food
He never turns the extractor on in the bathroom
When he showers the whole room gets showered but never dried
He cooks and dosnt turn the extractor on when there’s smoke
He eats a meal then walks into the kitchen for a pudding or drink leaving the empty plate where it is
He leaves wet towels on the bed
He leaves his worn clothes where they fall off his body
He snores
He burps and farts openly and loudly
He winds our son up at bed time
He always gives in to our son
He eats loudly and shovels food in like he’s not eaten for years
When I ask him not to do some of hese things I’m nagging him….even though I’ve been asking for the past ten years!!
1. I’ll clean the whole house and he either won’t notice, or he’ll say something like “Thanks for making the bed”. Because clearly nothing else happened all day.
2. Similarly, I’ll clean the whole house, and he’ll come home and say “What did you do all day?” So much rage.
3. Clothes, clothes everywhere. I’m pretty sure if I died, our house would be featured on “Hoarders” someday.
4. He hucks up stuff from his throat/nose ALL the freaking time.
5. Not to mention the constant fart cloud lingering over him.
6. I haven’t been able to find work for about a year, despite my Bachelor’s degree, and he says obnoxious things like “He who pays the bills own the house!” And suggests the worst jobs that he thinks I should do (and he’s serious), like the one time he told me I could make a career out of cleaning up dog poop for people.
7. Fighting with me about why I don’t want to visit his family all the time (we live in the same town).
8. He is the second in command at his job now, and his superiority complex is massive.
Bless his heart.
Lol sorry this is brilliant I am going to need an ambulance laughing so hard at all these truisms
My hubby is annoying.. but I’m so grateful for him after hearing y’alls horror stories! He’s not THAT annoying..
This may be an older post, but the points are evergreen. Love it!
After reading this, I thought maybe we could collaborate on a video using this list. My wife and I could act these out in a funny way. Would that be OK with you? Shoot me an email if it is.
Best,
Doug
Ok ladies,
It’s 11:55pm, had “one of those days” with my lovely, handsome groom of 24 years……no seriously he was on my last nerve. I found this website & I am happy to say it made me chuckle out loud. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. Good luck with them ALL
I rarely or don’t do any of these. I guess that Explains why I’m the only guy posting here. I guess that explains the stalkers and the violent overly clingy types. Heads up you’re more annoying. If you don’t believe me go check an annoying wife page.
was married to my now-ex for 26 years. here’s my list:
– put potato peels down the garbage disposal. Three different times. Who doesn’t love to snake a drain? him, apparently, because I had to fix it all three times. Wonder if he still does it now that I’m not there to fix it.
– turns up the heat while wearing thin little shorts in the winter. put on some damn sweats! probably bc I’m paying the heating bills.
– opened the LR room blinds to let the sun stream in while the AC is running….. I’d close them, he’d reopen them… repeatedly.
– belch and fart loudly in a manner that suggests he thinks it’s funny
– sneeze repeatedly over and over without covering his mouth – seriously, there were snot globs on the walls
– 10pm Christmas Eve: “Did we get anything for my folks?” every year. For 26 years.
– my birthday: he’d be 3 hrs late coming home in an evil mood bc he’d be shopping for a gift and card
– Mother’s Day – refused to help my son get me anything bc “you’re not my mother” (in a snotty voice). No, but I’m the mother of your son, dickwad. He never got anything for his mother either though.
– sleepwalked, snored, and legs twitched every seven seconds; refused to see a dr, all due to his drinking I’m sure
– would sit up on the edge of the bed at about 2am, and slowly deliberately crack every single knuckle then go take a pee; did it even more after I asked him not to do it. I envisioned paying someone to break every single knuckle for him.
– managed to act hurt when I finally moved out of our bedroom into my own bedroom.
– When I said I wanted a divorce he said, “we can’t afford a divorce”. this after him not working for three years. My response? “what’s this “we” shit?”
– when the moving van came to move my stuff into my new apartment just prior to our divorce, he said, “we can talk about this, we can work this out”. Really?! Now you want to talk?!
But here’s the best thing. All of the above served to make me very very sure that there are much worse things than being single. I’ve been on my own for over 7 years now and every day I thank God at least once and usually 3-4 times that I’m on my own. I don’t think there’s any man out there that could add anything to my life. 🙂
I find most if this stuff on here sexist.
The part with “im pretty sure hes aiming the walls” we guys don’t hold our penis then urinate all over the wall..
“Eating chips in bed” part isn’t even true.
The part where you said “He always parks the car closest to the entrance of the lot” is because you probably told him to be ‘healthier’ so He parks farther away just to walk off the caleries.
We guys aren’t mind readers TALK to us don’t blow your lid off, Yelling at us(your hubby).
If you want things done, Tell us(him) what you want done, don’t lie to us. We(hubby) don’t even know wth you’re really saying. If you want things done tell him nicely, and if He does/says things that “aren’t” He probably just wants to act a bit childish for you to notice him.. We aren’t monkies, everyone(guys) try their best to make YOU(the wives) happy even with stupid jokes. Because we don’t have the greatest sence of humor..
This made me laugh so much my hb thought I was ill. Brilliant.
My busband has so many small habits that when asded up drive me insane and in the end im the one to blame, im the one that needs to change
For example
1. Sleeps on the couch every night and leaves the lights and tv running all night
2. Drinks from the bottle including our daughters milk
3. Eats 80% of the food shopping we buy on the fiest 2 days
4.leaves his clothes on lounge room floor when getting ready for work
5.goes out for cigarettes during the night and forgets to lock the doors again
6. Leaves chargers plugged in and hanging from the bench for our daughter to easily reach
7.uses the phones interenet too much even though i remind him it will cost alot. When the bill comes he has a go at me. Still continues the same thing next month
8. Takes me on and off our savings account as he pleases so i cant buy food or pay bills.
9. Farts constantly
Let’s face it ladies, men are pigs! But however hard it is to live with them…it would be a lot harder to live without them. Mostly, I just turn my head…I’ve been doing it for 45 years. They never change…they just do what they want and expect us to be pretty close to perfect. Take it from me…don’t get married…buy a dog!!!
After 21 years of marriage, I still love him deeply…but
1. He’s that guy always on his phone.. At a Broadway play, at dinner with friends, etc. He once walked into a fire hydrant while on his phone.
2. He is escapable of saying “no” to the children. For this reason, I call him “Uncle Greg”
3. He’s late for everything personal. When I get annoyed, he says, “Just relax”
4. He drives too fast and misses things like stop signs because he’s looking at the radio as he’s changing the station.
5. He’s got selective OCD. He vacuums dog fur up three times a day (usually while I’m on the phone) but never rinses the food out of the sink and never uses the the garbage desiposal.
6. A successful 47 year old man should be able to make a reasonable guess about how long it should take to heat something up in a microwave.
7. During the summer, he prefers to pee outside. I have no idea why. Now my kids pee outside in the summer.
8. Last week I was sick and he heated up a can of soup for me on the stove. He then asked, “Do you want it in a bowl?,
9. At least once a week he asks “You must be looking forward to tomorrow?” I say “Why?” He says, “Because you get better looking every day”. I love that. It makes everything else ok.
And here i am thinking i got stuck with the defective male….. i can relate to a lot of these posts…
But i gotta keep this going so here is mine: (i had to cut a few out… so here is my revised:
1) he is always right!!!….. and his information and interpretation of absolutely everything is always right (according to him)… also asks me for advice – never takes it!!! But bless his heart, he complains and complains when i refuse to choose option A or B….
2) he bitches about wanting to eat healthy… but when i offer him healthy home made alternatives. … he whinges – reminds me im the one making him fat…. and then asks for the fatty frozen packaged meals in the same sentence ://
2a) mind you, the asshole is better cook than me, quick to remind me of that too —— but when i tell him to do it himself…. he is suddenly a bumbling big lazy hairy baby…..
3) he hasn’t had a haircut or shave in over 5 years – he looks like an angry metrosexual terrorist…. or a greek priest…..
3a) i had to teach him how to take care of long hair….. took him a while to catch on haha!!… in the beginning he could only brush the sides in the front, meanwhile the back would always be dreadlocked…. now he manbuns like a pro………. ha!
4) he leaves messes then yells at me that i never clean up (especially in front of new visitors)…. i am an artist – my filthy room is my inspiration…….. lol riiiiiight…. ive been on a cleaning strike for the last year………dishes only ……. im still waiting for him to click onto that >:(((((
5) i sleep talk…. i say weird things….. he has recently discovered i can answer questions and have conversations while i sleep….. im glad he gets a kick out of that…. lol
6) laundry isnt a strong point for the both of us…. yet, he still reminds me about the soccer top i butchered literally 8 years ago…. desipte buying himself a replacement…..
7) he takes longer than i do to get ready…. due to his attention span….. if it starts with a T… and ends with a V…… and its powered on….. forget it!!! What shower???
8) but when the wires behind the tv are too tangled….. and he IS in tears…. who is there to save him??? *points to self*
9) also one who doesnt buy presents…. 13 long years…. he bought me a xbox one…. which i dont use anymore because 100 boys always want to play fifa….. and a gears of war replica gun….. was he actually buying for himself?? Hmmmmm…… but staying true to form the Nugget will shamelessly point out stuff he wants weeks prior to his bday….
Lucky last:
10) he is a fabulous back seat driver…. very quick to critique me…. claims hes the gawd damn city map…….. but who’s making the wrong turns…… not meeeeee buddy – this frozen Nugget!!!!
Peace and love!!!!…. try to resist the urge to hit your man upside the head with the frying pan ladies!!! :))
The next time that you guys have sex…….ask him to call you mom!
At least your hubbies use kleenex. My hubby randomly sneezes and refuses to use a hanky. His 3 boys and his male cat all have bad habits. HIs 2 girls try to behave sometims.