“I’m gonna count you out!!! When I’m done with you, you’ll be 1/3rd the boy you are today… That’s 33.3%… .33333…  .333 infinity…” and other trash talkin’ you may hear at a Mathletes Meet…

What kid doesn’t like to trash talk – especially boys?  It must be in the genes because I definitely don’t walk around the house saying stuff to my son like: “I’m so much better at brushing my teeth then you are.” (Even though I totally am.)

What? Please, he’s had like 6 cavities and I’ve had 2 and I’m tons older.  My oral hygiene seriously crushes his!

Fine, so maybe it’s not so surprising that they trash talk, but I want to know if it carries over into all facets of life?

My son plays on a travel baseball team and one of his teammates is also a Mathlete.  Yes, I said Mathlete, it’s a word.

So, during a double header, where our team chanted really cool stuff at the mound in unison like, “A meeting, a meeting, there must be cheating.” I turned to that friend and asked if there’s trash talking on the Mathletes playing field – because that would be really funny.

And so me and my favorite “humor catalyst” (See: What Happens When You Scream “Penis” in Front of a Bunch of 9 Year Olds – for an explanation and a full on giggle fit) began to imagine what that trash talk would sound like:

Amy:  Yeah, he totally trash talks. He says stuff like, I’m gonna count you out!!!

Me:  Oh, and, when I’m done with you, you’ll be 1/3rd the boy you are today…. 

That’s 33.3%

.33333

Amy: .333 infinity

Me:  You’ll be a freaking decimal when this is over.

Amy: Absolute Zero.

Me:  Don’t under “estimate” me…  The PROOF will be in the RESULTS.

At that point, we were laughing so hard that the kid at bat turned and gave a “shush yourselves” kinda glare.  Well in his defense, we do sit by home plate.

They’re good seats, plus we can look up and cheer as if we haven’t taken our eyes off the game.

Me:  Those kids won’t know what hit ‘em, like getting a Pi in the face.

The laughing had actually turned to snorts, when the coach turned and sneered.

Amy: You know Pi is 3.14? As in 3 points for me 1 for you.

Me:  Wow, I see where your son gets his mathleticism.

Laughing off our chairs, slap happy, 1  1/2 hours into game 1, the assistant coach looked over to give us a face, but really he wanted to be in on the joke (you could tell).

“Go Rattlers,” she screamed for good measure.  Well actually, she screamed Rat-tel-lers because she’s southern

Me:  You know Rattlers is not a 3 syllable word?

Amy:  Are you making fun of me?

Me:  Nope I’m brushing up on my son’s trash talking for a Spelling Bee.  I’m going to Decimate you.  Decimate – D-E-C-I-M-A-T-E.

Amy:  Decimate – to annihilate one’s Spelling Bee opponent.

Me:  WORD

Amy:  WORD  to your English teacher.

I couldn’t tell you who won the second game, as we got kicked out, but I was told her son exponentially reduced the competition at his Mathletes meet…

to the 10th power…

cubed…

∞

(I just drew the symbol rather than writing the word.  That’s how I’m going to end all of my conversations from now on, if I’m carrying a note pad.)