Push LIKE if You Have Skin – Plus 10 More Desperate FB Page Ideas

So sad he had to be shamed in public that way, but they moved the sofa and this is what they found. He's one sick puppy!

So sad she had to be shamed in public that way, but they moved the sofa and this is what they found. She’s one sick puppy! (From MyDumbDogs.wordpress.com)

Yesterday, I saw an ad in the sidebar of facebook for a page called “I Love My Children.” It simply read: “Push LIKE if you love your children.” What’s crazier is that 5 of my friends had already “LIKED” said page (you know how it shows you that too?).

Wow, ladies you LOVE your children? No way! I can’t even wrap my head around it because you totally seemed like the types to down right hate your children, but then you went and pushed that button and now I’m all, “Maybe I misjudged you.” “Maybe you’re the best moms, like ever!” “Maybe you could watch mine sometime.” Then of course it dawned on me how very many of you so called friends of mine clearly DO NOT love your children which you made abundantly clear by NOT pushing “like”!

PS – To my mom and dad (who are on FB): I knew it! Don’t expect calls on your birthdays either … a-holes.

Is it just me or has the social networking world has gone bat shit crazy! “If I get 1 million likes I’ll give up my virginity to this monkey” (BTW– We all know you’ve already slept with that ape so give it a rest.) “I’m shaming my child for sloppy handwriting so he’s wearing this sign.” (Luckily he made it himself so no one could read it anyway!)

About 4 years ago, I made up a group called “I Like Breathing Air” it actually had some followers, but it was mostly for my personal amusement.

Other pages I might start:

  1.  I have genitals (Like if you have genitals)
  2. I was carried in someone’s uterus
  3. I take showers
  4. I’m happy that I’m not currently dead
  5. I like sandwiches, but also food not between two pieces of bread
  6. I can type
  7. Someone called me “nice” at some point in my life
  8. I am literate
  9. I have my own computer – or access to one
  10. I can work my mouse and cursor (push LIKE to prove it)

PS If I EVER offer up my virginity (cough cough), my liver, or to shave my head for likes please send a therapist directly to my house for an intervention … and of course LIKE whatever the hell I’m touting.

OH, and I’m doing a giveaway on my FB page as an ironic commentary on the “LIKE” ploys. See, it’s already starting! Well at least there’s no guilt involved, I don’t have to shave anything, and it’s to your benefit — I’ve got $100 gift card to Target, Bloomies, or Zappos – your choice. Give this piece a like, maybe come over to pat my dog on the head so he knows you like him, tell peeps you like my awesome 80s sticker album (which you’ll have to trust me on, because I can’t find it) and then head over to my page, which you should totes “like” if you haven’t already and of course sign up for the prize.

This may be a sign to start looking for that therapist, people.

15 thoughts on “Push LIKE if You Have Skin – Plus 10 More Desperate FB Page Ideas”

  1. Allyson

    Totally sharing your site… again. I’m constantly reading your posts while I’m at work (because I apparently never learn) and when I stop laughing, have to share what I’ve read with everyone who is staring at the crazy laughed-til-she-cried person in the next office. 🙂

  2. Ashley S

    I hear ya! I liked and shared your page. I lost my job due to a bunch of crazy BS too, so I know how frustrated you feel! Chin up and make some friends!!!

  3. Keri

    My Mom didn’t LIKE that she loves me, either! B!tch! What is this world coming to?

    I hate everyone that holds a sign saying that “If I get ___ likes, my ____ will let me ____!” STUPID. If you don’t want your kids to get a rabbit, say no. Your son will not get a kidney transplant any faster based on how many FB likes he has, and if your husband insists on shaving his head, let him- it’ll grow back. Sheesh.

  4. Amanda

    I’m not going to add or suggest you on the grounds that I would like to see the turn this blog takes if you become a pole dancer. You already have the skirt for it. Dress for the job you want, ya know?

  5. Cristina

    Once again the first thought when I read your post is “How the hell is this chick reading my thoughts.” Seriously – how are you doing it. Can you tell me what my next thought will be so I can write it up in a fabulous post? My blog is doing great – I happen to target readers who don’t have fingers and cannot write comments. But I swear, all of them are thinking “wow, that is a killer blog. Almost as good as Jenny’s.”

    You are an inspiration!

    Oh – another “like” request that drives me nuts “Like if you love your sister / brother”.

    I’m an only child, asshat I want to write – thanks for rubbing it in.

  6. Alison

    I have so many friends that share those “share if you love your mom/child/dad/puppies” pictures, many of which have additional “I bet not enough people really care enough to share this” lines in them. You need to make sure to put some sort of guilt-trip verbage in your pages.

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