Yesterday, I saw an ad in the sidebar of facebook for a page called “I Love My Children.” It simply read: “Push LIKE if you love your children.” What’s crazier is that 5 of my friends had already “LIKED” said page (you know how it shows you that too?).
Wow, ladies you LOVE your children? No way! I can’t even wrap my head around it because you totally seemed like the types to down right hate your children, but then you went and pushed that button and now I’m all, “Maybe I misjudged you.” “Maybe you’re the best moms, like ever!” “Maybe you could watch mine sometime.” Then of course it dawned on me how very many of you so called friends of mine clearly DO NOT love your children which you made abundantly clear by NOT pushing “like”!
PS – To my mom and dad (who are on FB): I knew it! Don’t expect calls on your birthdays either … a-holes.
Is it just me or has the social networking world has gone bat shit crazy! “If I get 1 million likes I’ll give up my virginity to this monkey” (BTW– We all know you’ve already slept with that ape so give it a rest.) “I’m shaming my child for sloppy handwriting so he’s wearing this sign.” (Luckily he made it himself so no one could read it anyway!)
About 4 years ago, I made up a group called “I Like Breathing Air” it actually had some followers, but it was mostly for my personal amusement.
Other pages I might start:
- I have genitals (Like if you have genitals)
- I was carried in someone’s uterus
- I take showers
- I’m happy that I’m not currently dead
- I like sandwiches, but also food not between two pieces of bread
- I can type
- Someone called me “nice” at some point in my life
- I am literate
- I have my own computer – or access to one
- I can work my mouse and cursor (push LIKE to prove it)
PS If I EVER offer up my virginity (cough cough), my liver, or to shave my head for likes please send a therapist directly to my house for an intervention … and of course LIKE whatever the hell I’m touting.
OH, and I’m doing a giveaway on my FB page as an ironic commentary on the “LIKE” ploys. See, it’s already starting! Well at least there’s no guilt involved, I don’t have to shave anything, and it’s to your benefit — I’ve got $100 gift card to Target, Bloomies, or Zappos – your choice. Give this piece a like, maybe come over to pat my dog on the head so he knows you like him, tell peeps you like my awesome 80s sticker album (which you’ll have to trust me on, because I can’t find it) and then head over to my page, which you should totes “like” if you haven’t already and of course sign up for the prize.
This may be a sign to start looking for that therapist, people.