One of the joys of parenthood is having your children point out your imperfections with brutal honesty. Some days your kids can unwittingly rival the meanest playground bully. Continue reading
First Child vs Second Child – 10 Things Parents Do Differently
When I had my first child, I wanted to do everything by the book. I was so nervous that the tiniest misstep would somehow break the baby. In fact, one of my first pieces was about how shocked I was that they just let me leave the hospital with this infant.
What were they thinking?
I had no clue what to do with him. In fact, Continue reading
I Love that My Daughter Loves Barbies
That’s my confession. Barbie hasn’t fiendishly ruined my daughter’s self image — quite the opposite — she’s helped her learn to solve problems, to be accepting, to stretch her imagination, and to have compassion.
As a card carrying Gen-Xer, I had an obsession with Barbies. I played with them until I was nearly 14, which I try not to admit in public because at that age, your Barbies are basically having make-out sessions that lead to awkward Barbie hookups, which is both ironic and also impossible – hello, has anyone seen Ken’s crotchal region?
8 Cutting Edge Gen X Items That Our Kids Would Find Archaic – Remember When?
REMEMBER WHEN? Here are a couple of “modern” Gen X items that our kids would totally make fun of today… (Warning: waxing poetic about these things will only make you feel old, uncool, and out of touch) Continue reading 24 Stupid Things Mommy Brain Has Made Us Do – It’s Not Our Fault, People
This is what I’ve realized as I’ve aged… Though I have an uncanny ability to remember theme songs to sitcoms and John Hughes movies, verbatim, I have no ability to remember where I left my keys, the names of people I see on a daily basis, what pending appointments I have, or why I just walked into this room?! I’ve also realized one can get hair on their pinky toes, WTF is that?
SO, in the name of “Full Disclosure About Utterly Stupid Shit I’ve Done,” I give you my momnesia moments – Just don’t judge me, as I’m not the only numskull … My awesome Facebook Followers added some… (they will one day keep me company in a padded room). Or we can all blame Mommy Brain together.
The Difference Between Men and Women- Just Ask Your Pimp
The following convo highlights the difference between men and women.
So, I got this new Jord watch which I’m kind of obsessed because it’s wood and I love wood jewelry and everyone that’s seen it has complimented it and marveled at the fact that it’s wood.
Mark was like, “You realize this is the first time in years when your watch has had the actual time?”
Me: Yeah, it’s weird.
Mark: What’s weird is that you wear watches that don’t work.
Me: They work, they just need batteries or they have to be shaken like once a day – and I find that tedious, plus I use my phone for the time.
Mark: So why do you even wear a watch if it has no function?
Me: It does… A. My wrist would feel funny without one and B. It completes my outfits.
Mark: So you’re not wearing it to perform its intended function, you’re wearing it because it would look funny without it?
Me: Yep, do you really think I enjoy wearing heels everyday and sinking into the playground sand? No, I wear them because I’ve found I look stumpy in flats (cankles) and also towering over people makes me feel superior.
Mark: Well we both no your bras have no real function, but you wear them.
Me: Ha, that was really witty, 12 year old boy.
Mark: Guys just don’t think the same way. There are no men who would wear things that don’t serve a function.
Me: Really, what about pimps? Continue reading
20 Ridiculous Things Your Kids Will Complain About on Your Disney Vacation
A few years ago, on the way home from our Disney vacation, Ry begged for just one more ride … on the luggage cart. “Please mom, it’s my favorite,” she whined. Ohhh the irony. That is why I had to write this…
What I marvel at, (aside from the throngs of people chomping on those Neanderthal looking turkey legs), is the fact that my kids can find things to cry and complain about almost constantly in the place where dreams come true. Continue reading
The Gen X Road Trip: As Kids vs With Our Kids
You guys know how I’m a slightly obsessed, nostalgic Gen Xer? Seriously, things were so different when we were kids. Take the road trip … Sure, there are similarities — we elbowed our siblings, rolled our eyes at our parents as they blared their oldies, and asked “How much farther now?” more times than the Smurfs on their way to visit Father Time. (How many of you were with me for that reference?) And yes, my kids have to go to the bathroom the second we hit the highway, the same way we did, but that may be where the similarities end. Here’s proof:
AS KIDS: Wow, were our games complex. There was I Spy, Make the Trucker Honk His Horn, The License Plate Game, GHOST, Mad Libs, those Yes & Know invisible ink pads, and the most desperate game of all: the Wave Game, which was played in desperate times and consisted of you and your siblings waving at people in passing cars and then fighting over who got the most waves back. (It was hard to really tell who they were waving at, but you were always convinced it was you, which made keeping score tricky.) And of course there was my Dad’s favorite, The Quiet Game, which earned you a whole nickel (no it wasn’t wooden, I’m not that old). Continue reading
My Australian Shepherd Does the Laundry – Jealous Much?
He may not do laundry, but lucky for him, he’s cute!
My dog, Tanner is an Australian Shepherd, which means he’s capable of helping around the house. Well, if you’ve ever seen one of those shows about breeds, you would know, Aussies can be trained to do almost anything (which is the sole reason I chose him). I was pretty sure getting him would be like having a full time cleaning person. Continue reading
7 Things You Won’t Get to Do Once You Have Children – Humor Lists No. 42
The other day, I was in a cosmetics store and asked the girl working there what product she would recommend from a new line they were featuring. Now, I say girl because frankly, she was fresh faced, cute as a button, perfectly tanned, toned, and wrinkle free. (All the things I no longer am.)
Girl: “Well, Ma’am…”
(Ma’am? Ugh, we’re already starting off on the wrong foot.)
“… I’m totes LOV-ING these facial towlettes, because like, you know when you get home and you’re so exhausted after a late night of partying or whatever and you just can’t make it to the bathroom to wash-up? You can just keep these by the bed and you’re done.”
My Response: Continue reading
Anti Aging Smoothie Recipes That Will Make it Easier to Lie About Your Age
That was me like, 5 minutes ago. I know, crazy right?
OK, in case I haven’t mentioned it, which I’m pretty sure I have, I’m obsessed with blended health drinks. I have the NutriBullet, but when I said I was obsessed with my Bullet people got the idea that I was referring to something I carried in my purse that may or may not embarrassingly start buzzing at an inopportune moment. Of course when I added the Ninja, it just sounded like I’d graduated to BDSM.
So, I will never refer to a blender/juicer by name again, unless I get a masticating juicer (that’s just fun to say). Anyhoo, now that I’m have the anti-aging (A Gen Xers Guide To Looking Young So When You Lie About Your Age People Believe You) column for SmartBeautyGuide.com, I decided to make some smoothies that are aimed at healthy younger looking skin, weight and the aging process specifically … if I can get younger through a glass, I’m all for heavy drinking. Wait, that didn’t come out right either (so far in this piece I’ve come off like a perverted alcoholic … oh, well).
Here are 3 of my favorite anti aging smoothie recipes, and I even made a chart so you can make your own smoothies based on the foods you like and what each food is good for (beauty and anti-aging wise.) I know, that was awesome of me because you can’t find a chart like this ANYWHERE (I TRIED).
You’re Welcome.
Here are some I put together and love (Look at number 5 on my tips post to see how to make a smoothie without measuring – so much easier).
Continue reading
Jenny from the blog
February 28, 2014
“Ma’am, please leave your bra in your shirt.” Those were the words just barked at me, in total seriousness, by a clerk at Kohl’s in one of my more embarrassing moments.
Let’s go back about 15 minutes, so that I can defend myself. I ran into Kohl’s to use their bathroom and when I walked out, my cute little Natori bra with the clear elastic across the middle (for lower cut shirts) split in half.
I’m in a white button down, about to meet a possible client and showing nipple is tactic I like to reserve for my 3rd meeting. Sooo, I grabbed a bra and walked into the bathroom with it, when a clerk yelled:
“Ma’am did you not read the sign? NO merchandise in the bathroom.”
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t. See my bra just broke and I was going to throw this one on and then come out with the tags to pay you.
Clerk: Well, how would I know you just weren’t gonna steal it?
Me: I guess you wouldn’t, know that (though I felt I was looking pretty cute in my outfit, not at all crook-like … which is what Continue reading