You know how there are certain phrases you’ve said to your children, that upon reflection, you can’t believe actually came out of your mouth?
Last week, I had to ask my 12 yo son, J to “stop smelling the cat” and there was a time I explained to my daughter Ry, that “the balls boys have are not the same as the little balls on your tongue,” (may we never discuss balls on her tongue again) and just a couple weeks ago I had to explain motorboating to my tween son (with an audio and quasi visual demonstration), so that he could keep up with the middle school cafeteria banter.
As parents, we’ve all had to turn some pretty insane phrases at one time or another. The question is, have we, the parents, gone bat shit crazy for uttering these words, or is it our children who are certifiable, for doing things that require us to speak them?
Here are some of the weirdest things I’ve had to say to my children over the years (I surprise myself daily), plus some phrases from my awesome Facebook Fans, who never disappoint.
1. “You can have a favorite shirt, but you’re not allowed to have a favorite pair of underwear.”
2. “Gum you find under tables is NOT ‘free’ gum.”
3. “I don’t care how much she annoys you, your sister is not for sale.”
4. “Please stop riding the dog.”
5. “You cannot charge your friends at school for massages. And please stop massaging people at school.” Continue reading
My hair, which was never more than baby fine to begin with, started to fall out as soon as I stopped breast feeding. Yes, when everyone else was losing their hair after giving birth, I was mocking them with my luxurious locks and my big engorged boobies. Of course they got theirs – my boobs and locks that is. The tatas deflated and the follicles ran for the hills, well, my drain.
Girls have so very many moods and personalities, which come and go faster than SnapChat photos. Yep, they’re like a box of chocolates, You never know wh… (I know, I just referenced Sybil, Forest Gump, and Snapchat – that’s a vast range of pop culture knowledge… we Gen Xers are impressive like that.)
A little parenting humor for the moms and dads who know what it’s like to notice (after being out and about for the day) that there is a dried booger on your shirt, which has clearly been there for hours.
Lately, I’ve been thinking, maybe it’s time to throw in the towel, but then I noticed this… Last night, my site hit 1 MILLION views!!! Yes, I’m in the 1M club… One freaking million. To some that’s a couple of months or minutes, or decades. I’m not as good at math as I claim to be, but for me, it took 5 1/2 years. For me, it took tons of effort and pep talks and rebranding sessions.
Over the years I’ve let some pretty stellar entertainment pass me by, like: Breaking Bad, Weeds, Lost, Shameless, Game of Thrones, Homeland, Mad Men … due to this crazy thing called life. You know life, right? The whole raising a family, having a job, trying to maintain a certain age, weight, and level of sanity (though your body fights you on it) thing? Yeah, that.
Let’s be honest, we Gen Xers were skilled at playing sick, were we not? Our generation had to work hard for a sick day. Many of our parents worked and would have to take a sick day themselves, and let’s not forget, our parents were raised by hard core parents (our grandparents), who sent them to school no matter what. Hello, their parents were the one’s who walked five miles to get to school, up hill, in snow … so a sniffle or the plague wasn’t gonna cut it.
This is the shocking follow up to 