Tag Archives: disney

45 Insane Things Your Kid Will Say on Your Disney Vacation

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A few years back when my little one was slightly pissed that Belle’s dress was prettier than hers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I marvel at, aside from the throngs of people chomping on those Neanderthal looking turkey legs, is the fact that my kids can find things to cry and complain about almost constantly in the place where dreams come true.

Luckily, mine weren’t the only ones. Sure my daughter may have set some kids off when she screamed Mickey Mouse is DEAD in a crowded room? Oh, that happened as I was explaining to her that Walt Disney (the original Mickey) was dead. Um, my bad, but she did ask.

And yes, my daughter may have shed a tear about getting the “wrong” colored magic carpet, but I watched a toddler flailing on the ground exclaiming his ice cream was too “drippy.” Nothing like watching other people with their children to make you feel sane! That said, here are things your children will probably cry about in the “happiest place on Earth.”

Imagine the following phrases said through dramatic tears, possible foot stomping, and maybe even ground flailing…

  1. I got wet on that water ride!
  2. I didn’t get wet enough on that water ride!
  3. That character is looking at me!
  4. The guy dressed as Nemo doesn’t look real … like he does in the movie!
  5. You took one of my french fries!
  6. Belle’s dress is prettier than mine!
  7. My socks hurt!
  8. My hotdog touched my french fries! Continue reading →

Do You Suffer From Theme Park Line Dementia?

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No matter how much you try to fancy it up (notice top hat ears) you still look like the guy on the right.

Me and about 200,000 other people had this brilliant idea to spend Spring Break at Walt Disney World. Sure, we could’ve done something more relaxing — like sky diving, but we chose this destination because we like lines. Love lines. Love the way that by simply roping off lines into a maze like snake shape so one could walk nearly a mile without ever leaving a room.

OK, lines make me insane, I can truly only half pay attention to anyone as I’m busily trying to assess how fast we’re moving and how much time we have left. While standing in the first line of the day, my daughter asked who played Mickey Mouse. “I don’t know. I guess Walt Disney was the first Mickey, but not anymore, he’s dead.” Maybe I should’ve thought out my response because my daughter’s reaction was to scream, O M G, MICKEY MOUSE IS DEAD??!! There are no rules in Disney about what you can and cannot say, but I’m gonna guess if there were that would literally top the chart. Holy crap. I’ve never seen so many chipper little happy faces fall into frowns and tears so quickly, as moms struggled to do damage control while intermittently giving me the stink eye.

Sadly, it went down hill from there.  I began to suffer what I call “line dementia,” that’s when crazy shit comes out of your mouth simply to fill time and to mess with your children for your personal amusement — it’s somewhat of a survival tactic.  Continue reading →

Goodbye Disney World, Hello Backyard

Dear Mickey:

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think we need to take a break. Sure, I love the way you and your friends with oversized heads eat breakfast with my family and entertain us with your theme parks, but you ask for so much in return.

I pay a near fortune to see you, then you woo my daughter into expensive princess attire and offer pricey oversized turkey legs, costly Pooh shaped popsicles, and expensive embroidered hats with ears… that don’t really translate in the real world. I’m sorry, that sounded like I was blaming you for the economy. I’m sure you and Minnie have a ton of Disney stock options, so I know you’re feelin’ it as well.

According to the latest statistics, me and 1/3 of other American families are cancelling trips this summer and taking a “stay-cation” instead. I know you’re angry. The last time you waved at me and said, “See ya real soon,” you thought it would be sooner. I’m thankful you only have 4 fingers, because I know what you’d be waving at me now.

This summer, like most Americans, I will be visiting (Chez Pa Tio). I will take a portion of the money I’m saving and recreate much of the awe and wonder you provide, without ever leaving town.

I will save $60 on those mandatory Mickey mist sprayers, and have my family stand in the general vicinity of wet neighborhood dogs when they shake. Each night my husband and I will wrap ourselves in twinkle lights, and then we’ll run by the kids really fast and call it Space Mountain. Then we’ll slow down and call it the Light Parade. Who knows, we could wear them to bed and call it Pleasure Island.

I will cook pancakes in your likeness. Then I’ll have my neighbor with an abnormally large head come over and eat them with us. I’m sure my family will be none the wiser, as his head is really big. Have a great summer now, ya hear.

Sincerely,

Jenny from the Blog

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