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12 Ways Saturday Night is Different After Children – Then vs Now

Saturday Night Before Kids vs After While my washer and dryer were hard at work and my dishes were in the final rinse cycle, the ball dropped to ring in the New Year.

I had just called my kids in to watch the countdown while simultaneously thanking my lucky stars that J and Ry had missed the pre-New Year’s performance Miley gave, where she awkwardly cradled/fondled a midget, while she donned a pair of upper-vagina-accentuating gold sequin pants that did her bod no justice and oddly reminded me of what Molly Shannon would wear when she kicked and yelled, “I’m fifty,”

After wiping the sweat off my brow, emptying my glass of champagne, and making a mental note to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer, I blew my hubby (who was sick and spent the night matching me shot for shot with a bottle of Nyquil) a kiss and then shooed our guests out the door before the clock hit 12:01. (PS I just realized I should have saved the parenthetical in the middle of “blew my hubby a kiss” until after I completed the sentence. Poor guy — only gets it in a grammatical error.)

Anyhoo, it dawned on me, New Years used to be a romantic night (see When Harry Met Sally) … so did Birthdays, Anniversaries … Saturdays. Some of those events still are, but most of those would-be enchanted evenings have been replaced with J’s travel baseball, taking Ry to the movies, and trips to an arcade and a gourmet burger joint.

I recently analyzed the not so subtle differences in what I found hot before marriage and after marriage and now it’s time to take a good hard look at the evolution of the date night. Then vs Now:
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35 Reasons Moms are Late

35 reasons moms are late

I was never an incredibly punctual person, but but becoming a parent has put a whole new spin on my excuses for being late to meetings, school drop off, parties and appointments. As was made apparent in my “20 Momisms Translated” post, we moms have a lot in common… why should this be any different?

Back in the day, I was late because of the normal stuff, you know, my hair didn’t look just right, my alarm clock didn’t go off, there was traffic on 95… Now, between me barely keeping my head on straight and my kids being out of their minds, my excuses look more like this:

Sorry I’m late but …

1. My daughter’s socks hurt, or as she put it, her socks “hate her.”

2. All of a sudden, none of their shoes seemed to have a mate. NONE.

3. I couldn’t find my keys … they were in my pocket.

4. My kids were fighting over who got to sit in which seat.

5. My daughter’s fingernail was itchy.

6. My son decided to wrestle with the dog rather than simply walk out the door, so we had to roll off the fur, but I couldn’t find the lint roller, so I had to fashion one from masking tape and MacGyver it off.

7. Both my children had to make a last-minute poop.

8. It seemed like a good time for one of them to ask where babies come from. Continue reading →

Date Night Before Kids vs Date Night After

Many many things change after becoming a parent: Your outlook on life, your obsession with the application of sanitizer and sunblock, the intimacy of your marriage…

We still adore our men but our alone time has little resemblance to the hot dates we once had. Wow, did we take those nights for granted!

Want proof? Behold: Date Night Before Kids vs Date Night After

Before – Your nights out were dependent on no one else. You never waited around the house to see if someone would show up to watch your plants, your pets, or your furniture while you were gone.

After – Cancellation is always a strong possibility. It remains that way until the moment the actual babysitter arrives (even then it may be iffy). At the very least you are never guaranteed to finish anything you start: dinner, a movie, a show … (Don’t check your coat.)

Before – You had time to put together the perfect outfit, blow out your hair and apply a glaze of pristine makeup, which you really didn’t need in the first place. Continue reading →

20 Indicators that You May be Addicted to Words with Friends

Love Words with Friends? If more than half of these describe YOU, I’ll see you in WWFAA or we could just play a game, my schedule’s too tight for a twelve step program these days (TWELVE min- 14pts.).

Ok, I’ve played my fair share of Angry Birds, and Fruit Ninja, and Cut the Rope, but there’s something unique about Words with Friends, that has me utterly fixated. (FIXATED minimum 18 points) Maybe it’s the fact that I get to whup other people and feel superior. (WHUP min- 13pts.) I don’t exactly know. I do know that I’m not alone, 20 million players have downloaded this addictive app. (ADDICTIVE min- 18pts.)

I mean, I’m not an addict – Frankly, I could quit at anytime. Though, I’m told that’s the first thing an addict says. Well, right after, “I’m not an addict.” S&*t, I’m screwed. (SCREWED min- 14pts.)

In an effort to see if I’m truly hooked, I compiled a list of indicators. Feel free to test your level of obsession, as well. (HOOKED min- 13pts.)

1. You know every two letter word in the WWF dictionary AA, JO, ZA, KA, QI etc… (QI min 11pts.)

2. You know every word that can be made with the letters J, Q, X, Z, from AJEE to ZYGOTE… (ZYGOTE min- 19pts.)

3. You realize it’s sometimes worth it to leave open a triple when you can get a high score on a double-double. (HIGH min- 10pts.)

4. Number 3. didn’t sound like gibberish to you. (GIBBERISH min- 17pts.)

5. You know that to win you need strategy and persistence. A good vocabulary is near the bottom of the prerequisites. And you’re ok with that, because you’re a persistent strategist. OK (OK is not a word. Didn’t see that one coming did you?)

6. You can only use about 50% of the words you play in an actual sentence. “Gi, your hair smells terrific.” (GI min- 4pts)

7. You’re willing to try every letter combo in your stack to make a bingo. (BINGO min- 11pts.)

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