.
Do you ever have certain feelings about motherhood, like: Is it supposed to make me this crazy? How am I supposed to be able to think on this little sleep? How come it affects my ability to have a rational thought or conversation … or my ability to shower on a regular basis? Yeah, me too … I usually have those thoughts after conversations like this: Continue reading
“High five for mommy! 104! I haven’t weighed that since I saw Pearl Jam,” exclaimed the svelte adorable mom to her toddler who cheered along, from her perch in the supermarket cart. I stood beside her, as I grabbed my own cart, and watched her triumphant cheer — which may have caused me to throw up in my mouth. Did I really witness that? Are we not more evolved?
I found the scene so upsetting on so many levels. Was it the fact that this fit chick who was taller than I am (5’6″ or do I claim) weighed 104, a number I haven’t seen since since I saw The Bangles? Or the awareness that this little girl was receiving a message that could change or define how she sees herself in years to come? Or was I simply annoyed she got to see Pearl Jam?
Of course, this immediately led me to that introspective place all moms go:
Have I said things to my own daughter that would lead her to believe she needs to be skinny to be happy? I mean, if I’m being honest, I’m quite sure I’ve asked my hubby a thousand times if things make me look fat, and I mean anything: “Does this new dress make me look fat?” “How about this new toothbrush?” “How about the cat? Does she make me look fat?”
As a gen Xer, I recall the age of fad diets and fad workouts. I remember Continue reading
Recently, my 11yo son made me watch Miley Cyrus’s “We Can’t Stop” and “Wrecking Ball” videos. He felt that I had to see them to believe them. Now, if you haven’t seen the videos, let’s just say one is a lot of twerking and writhing and what we use to call “freaking” and “dry humping” (way back in the 80s). Plus a little girl on girl innuendo and a lot of Miley’s scantily clad body rubbing up against things like she’s trying to itch a yeast infection without using her hands.
Like many of you who go to Starbucks, or other places where wifi is free, I call this place my office. And frankly, why shouldn’t I? I pay at least $4.50 per day to rent that space. Well, if I get a Vente, that is. In return I get to enjoy a table with a couple lingering crumbs from the last customer business person and the music chosen by the M.O.D. (manager on duty), which depending on the day could be anything from Cee Lo and Kermit doing a duet, to an operatic rendition of Justin Beiber’s “Baby.”
I’m guessing they choose their music to ensure a higher rate of customer turnover in the cafe, but Continue reading
This weekend, my new neighbor came by looking for my husband.
“He’s sleeping,” I explained.
“Oh. Um, would you mind sending him by when he wakes up? I just have a quick question,” he said as he walked away.
“Do you need to know how to spell something? Because then it’d be worth your while to wait for him,” I replied.” Otherwise, I may be able to help you.”
For four days I’ve been sick. Nothing crazy — just the usual sore throat, coughing, fatigue kind of thing, maybe a fever … but since not one of our thermometers says the same temperature I can only guesstimate that I’m somewhere between 97.1 and 108.2.
What’s most amazing is that in those four days, the world miraculously kept spinning. My children’s schedules did not disappear, nor did mine. They made it to camp, and to baseball, to the orthodontist. They didn’t suffer from starvation because I decided to forgo grocery shopping, or making them breakfast, or packing their lunches; so that I could lie around and do something totally trivial, like recuperate. No, life as we know it, went on.
Last night, I gleefully turned out the lights at around 11PM, Continue reading
After writing about how you know if you’re the mom of a boy or the mom of a girl, I realized there are so many indicators that define us moms and literally set us apart from every other life force on Earth. So, here you have it: Signs You’re a Mom or as I like to say, You Know You’re a Moms IF…
1. You haven’t heard your actual name the entire day, but you’ve been beckoned relentlessly.
2. You’ve ever sang Old MacDonald with the same enthusiasm you once sang I Will Survive.
3. Lying is always an option, as in … “I’m sorry, the arcade is closed on Sunday.” “I love the outfit you put together yourself.” “You’re right, you do sound just like Beyonce when you sing.” and “No, they don’t give ketchup at the drive-thru.”
4. You have some sort of stain on your clothing that you would literally have to taste to place. What is that latte or spit up? Hmm… Gimme a sec… Oh, it’s spit up.
5. You’ve recently consumed a partial plate of sliders, french fries, chicken nuggets, or mini hot dogs and you weren’t attending Mayor McCheese’s wedding. Continue reading
So, I went in for an endoscopy the other day, mostly because I thought it would be a great way to take an uninterrupted nap and frankly, I’ll do lots of things for a nap (swallowing a camera being one of the least invasive). Oh, also it was offered by my GI after telling him I’d lost my appetite due to a constant dull aching in my stomach and chest chronic pressure.
Well, if I’m being honest. I called him (he’s a friend) to ask what was going on and by the time he got back to me I’d unfortunately already found the amazingly addictive WebMDsymptom checker.
That’s where hypochondriacs, like myself, are rewarded with affirmation that their hangnail may or may not have gangrene or their inability to remember names is probably due to Gulf War Syndrome. After a few clicks of filling in symptoms, I was pretty sure I either had GERD or I was going into cardiac arrest. Another reason to keep a defibrillator around the house. (Those things pay for themselves.) Continue reading
I made this one because well, it actually happened. I love it because it takes a second to fully wrap your head around it.
Oh the irony!
PS – Sound familiar???
XO – Jenny From the Blog
This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of The Home Depot. But frankly, I would have done it for free (well, don’t tell them that).
I’ve lived in South Florida on and off for over 20yrs. In that time I’ve had quite a few scares. I went through Andrew my sophomore year of college. Though I didn’t take it very seriously, I recall emptying perfectly good food and drinks out of my fridge to make room for beer and chilled vodka. Brilliant, huh? Well I was taught quite a lesson when a window basically imploded and shot across my room at gut level, missing me by a matter of inches. I would never disregard the danger of a hurricane again.
Yes, that was a wake up call. So were the lines for gas, the curfews, the lack of electricity and water … and we had it easy. Our apartment was still standing and livable. Our things, though a bit waterlogged, were still usable … recognizable.
With Katrina crushing the Gulf and Sandy hitting so far North last year, it’s fair to say, those on the East and Gulf Coast certainly won’t feel any safer than those of us in “Cane Country”. Continue reading
