Tag Archives: Jenny from the blog

My Child’s Fear of Getting Shots Makes Visits to The Doctor Feel Like a Special Ops Mission

I don’t know which is worse. My daughter’s fear of getting shots or my fear of hearing that she needs one. Call me a wuss, but bringing her to the doctor when there’s even a chance that she’s gonna get poked, is like being at a bullfight … when you’re the matador. 

In other words, I’d rather stick needles in my eyes, which is of course totally ironic.

Look, it’s not just miserable for me, it’s miserable for the nurse who must administer said shots, the other little patients who are set off by the possible whizzing by of a frantic 7-year-old and the wretched ear-shattering noises she’s making, not to mention their parents and the doctors, who must explain that, though it sounds like it, there is in fact, not an amputation occurring.

I start to ask myself…

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80s Characters From My Childhood Then And Now – What Happened?

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You guys probably already know this, aside from being a stressed out mom, I’m a Gen X Lifestyle Expert, which means part of my job entails nostalgically recalling all the fun things that came out from the 70s, 80s, and 90s … and I do so with love and a somewhat sick obsession. Which is why I can’t understand why all the totally awesome characters that were popular with my generation needed to be glittered, glammed, and slutified for my kids.

Do you remember the innocence of Polly Pocket, how she just bent at her midsection? The chubby cheeks of a Rainbow Brite and her color gang? Of course you do, because that was what made them adorable and innocent, like we were (or claimed to be… Barbie and Ken had a lot of nude makeout sessions in my Barbie Dreamhouse).

They didn’t look like they were on their way to go clubbing with Ke$ha. They didn’t have curves and they certainly didn’t don body-hugging unitards that Miley would call too racy for an awards show performance.

I get it, I’ve seen how racy and slutty are in these days, hello MTV awards.  Look, my daughter is currently obsessed with Bratz, which are pretty much the sluttiest Barbie-esque dolls ever! Not only do they scream “No means yes,” their accessories include cocktails and cellphones, though it looks like some of them should come with an IUD instead … or at least a morning-after pill. To keep up with the sexified doll craze and the Disney stars gone porn, it seems the nostalgic characters of our youth are trying to enter the clubs scene, the kid’s club scene, that is.

Here’s proof:

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Enough With The Freakin’ Awards – Should Our Kids Get Trophies For Everything They Do?

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At 3, my kids received trophies for soccer, which I assure you were not deserved. How do I know? Um, there were times my daughter would stop kicking the ball to chase a dragon fly. And, I could be wrong, but I don’t think my son was bending it like Beckham when he would pick up the ball with his hands and throw it to a friend mid-game.

I know, it wasn’t about them deserving their awards … all the kids get trophies for simply showing up to the ceremony — because that’s what we do to our millennial children, we make them think that they’re the best at everything. We praise them constantly and tell them everyone is a winner, leaving them little motivation, little idea of what the real world is like, and little chance of not freaking out when they realize they aren’t perfect. Continue reading →

Motherhood Feeling: If I’m the Sane One – I Must Be Losing My Mind

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Do you ever have certain feelings about motherhood, like: Is it supposed to make me this crazy? How am I supposed to be able to think on this little sleep? How come it affects my ability to have a rational thought or conversation … or my ability to shower on a regular basis? Yeah, me too … I usually have those thoughts after conversations like this: Continue reading →

Dealing with Tweens 101 – Play it Cool and Avoid Miley Cyrus

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Recently, my 11yo son made me watch Miley Cyrus’s “We Can’t Stop” and “Wrecking Ball” videos. He felt that I had to see them to believe them. Now, if you haven’t seen the videos, let’s just say one is a lot of twerking and writhing and what we use to call “freaking” and “dry humping” (way back in the 80s). Plus a little girl on girl innuendo and a lot of Miley’s scantily clad body rubbing up against things like she’s trying to itch a yeast infection without using her hands.

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When Moms Are Sick vs. When Dads Are Sick

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For four days I’ve been sick.  Nothing crazy — just the usual sore throat, coughing, fatigue kind of thing, maybe a fever … but since not one of our thermometers says the same temperature I can only guesstimate that I’m somewhere between 97.1 and 108.2. 

What’s most amazing is that in those four days, the world miraculously kept spinning. My children’s schedules did not disappear, nor did mine.  They made it to camp, and to baseball, to the orthodontist. They didn’t suffer from starvation because I decided to forgo grocery shopping, or making them breakfast, or packing their lunches; so that I could lie around and do something totally trivial, like recuperate. No, life as we know it, went on.

Last night, I gleefully turned out the lights at around 11PM, Continue reading →

40 Signs You’re a PARENT …

40 signs that you are a motherAfter writing about how you know if you’re the mom of a boy or the mom of a girl, I realized there are so many indicators that define us moms and literally set us apart from every other life force on Earth. So, here you have it: Signs You’re a Mom or as I like to say, You Know You’re a Moms IF…

1.  You haven’t heard your actual name the entire day, but you’ve been beckoned relentlessly.

2.  You’ve ever sang Old MacDonald with the same enthusiasm you once sang I Will Survive.

3.  Lying is always an option, as in … “I’m sorry, the arcade is closed on Sunday.” “I love the outfit you put together yourself.” “You’re right, you do sound just like Beyonce when you sing.” and “No, they don’t give ketchup at the drive-thru.”

4.  You have some sort of stain on your clothing that you would literally have to taste to place.  What is that latte or spit up? Hmm… Gimme a sec…  Oh, it’s spit up.

5.  You’ve recently consumed a partial plate of sliders, french fries, chicken nuggets, or mini hot dogs and you weren’t attending Mayor McCheese’s wedding. Continue reading →

All the Threats Came True – My Kids Finally Gave Me an Ulcer

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So, I went in for an endoscopy the other day, mostly because I thought it would be a great way to take an uninterrupted nap and frankly, I’ll do lots of things for a nap (swallowing a camera being one of the least invasive).  Oh, also it was offered by my GI after telling him I’d lost my appetite due to a constant dull aching in my stomach and chest chronic pressure.

Well, if I’m being honest. I called him (he’s a friend) to ask what was going on and by the time he got back to me I’d unfortunately already found the amazingly addictive WebMDsymptom checker.

That’s where hypochondriacs, like myself, are rewarded with affirmation that their hangnail may or may not have gangrene or their inability to remember names is probably due to Gulf War Syndrome.  After a few clicks of filling in symptoms, I was pretty sure I either had GERD or I was going into cardiac arrest. Another reason to keep a defibrillator around the house. (Those things pay for themselves.) Continue reading →

8 Important Things You Should Know or Have in The Event of A Hurricane That You Wouldn’t Think Of

hurricane awarenessThis is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of The Home Depot. But frankly, I would have done it for free (well, don’t tell them that).

Why?

I’ve lived in South Florida on and off for over 20yrs. In that time I’ve had quite a few scares.  I went through Andrew my sophomore year of college. Though I didn’t take it very seriously, I recall emptying perfectly good food and drinks out of my fridge to make room for beer and chilled vodka. Brilliant, huh? Well I was taught quite a lesson when a window basically imploded and shot across my room at gut level, missing me by a matter of inches. I would never disregard the danger of a hurricane again.

Yes, that was a wake up call. So were the lines for gas, the curfews, the lack of electricity and water … and we had it easy. Our apartment was still standing and livable. Our things, though a bit waterlogged, were still usable … recognizable.

With Katrina crushing the Gulf and Sandy hitting so far North last year, it’s fair to say, those on the East and Gulf Coast certainly won’t feel any safer than those of us in “Cane Country”. Continue reading →

A Conversation To Test My Parenting Ability and I Think I Failed

(This conversation actually happened after a Daddy Daughter Day when my daughter was about 3 … that’ll teach me to leave them alone together for long periods of time.)

At about 2am, Ry wanted called me into her room because she couldn’t sleep until she got some important answers to pressing concerns. She is so insightful in the wee hours. I guess watching some of her older brother’s movies with her dad had sparked important questions about survival.

Ry: If a laser hit a kid what would happen?”

Now let’s not forget it’s 2am and I’m trying sleep while answering these serious questions.

Me: Well, there are lots of different types of lasers. Some can help your skin or your body, and they don’t really hurt at all. Mommy knows this because she wants to get broken capillaries zapped and hair removed and dark spots lightened… (imagine me trailing off into lovely dream about having all the areas on my face and body zapped back into their 20s).

Ry: Nooo I meeaan the laser in the Super Mario Bros movie that Luigi shot at the mouse and made his ship explode?

Me: Ah, that kind of laser, the kind that isn’t aesthetically useful at all (what a waste). Well, I guess it would hurt, but those lasers don’t really exist.

Ry: But, Luigi had one.

Me: Yes, but that’s just made up.

Ry: What about sharks? They’re not made up … they exist right?

Me: Yes.

Now, I’m officially awake, much to my dismay. But every mom knows a fear of sharks can ruin all good beachy vacations until the time when the kids are too old to want to vacation with you anymore!

Ry: Could a kid get eaten by a shark?

Me: (Careful Jenny) Ummmmmmm I guess, but they don’t usually eat people, ‘cause we taste yucky.

Ry: I don’t taste yucky, I’m sweet.That’s why the mosquitoes bite me, and Daddy is sweet, but you and J are sour.

Oh, we’re sour alright, especially at 2am when we’re trying to tread lightly into shark infested waters…

Ry: What about electricity? Could that fire?

Ahhh, a quick transition, fear of sharks averted (for now) gotta love toddlers.

Me: Huh?  (I questioned, as I realized this was about to go into what happens to people when they are electrocuted or on fire.)

Ry: If a dragon falls in a fire what would happen?

Another surprising digression. Phew.

Me: Well, dragons breathe fire, so they probably have super thick skin and I bet they would be just fine.

Ry: Like a seal? A seal has skin like a dragon, so a seal would be okay if it was on fire, right?

Me: Right.

Please do not judge me, how am I supposed to talk about seals on fire at 2 am? Who knows where that could go? So I played it safe.

Ry: How about a kitty, cause they are soft and furry. What if a kitten was on fire?

Holy crap! I played it safe and it went there??? I’m working on 40% of my brain power and I’ve just been asked what would happen to an adorable fluffy little kitty if it was on fire.  Awesome!

Me: OK then … it is really time to go to sleep now. We’ll talk about this tomorrow (never).

Well, I’m pretty sure I failed that test of my parenting ability! I’m soooo much better at multiple choice … Scantron? Bluebook? I mean, give a mom a fighting chance here!

Make me feel better, when have you dropped the ball?

If You’ve Ever Been There, Please Like/Share

XO – Jenny From the Blog