Sound Familiar? This is the same reason I can’t get out of Target for under $100, even if I’m just running in for a Birthday Card!
Go Ahead Share it If Ya Feel Me – It’ll Ease the Pain
XO – Jenny From the Blog
Category Archives: parenting
Things Parents Do That Embarrass Us Even Though We’re All Grown Up
At about 13 years old, my mom went from doing everything right to doing everything so very wrong. In fact, everything she did was either “so gay,” “so queer,” or “moooooommmmm, you’re so embarrassing.” (It was the 80s, I’m sure they say different things now.) Anyway, it didn’t matter if she was singing the wrong words to Billy Jean or she sneezed at too high of a pitch, it was utterly unforgivable. And don’t even get me started on the things she did around my friends. One time, she smacked her lips while eating a bagel and cream cheese at breakfast with my besties after a sleepover!
Do you believe that?
Mortifying!
I’m sure those girls are still talking about her lip smacking to this very day. Frankly, it’s amazing we remained friends after that appalling display. Well, it’s a testament to my friends, that’s for sure.
That phase lasted for about 4 years. (It’s a phase I’m already dreading with my own daughter because well, there is just no winning, for the parent!) That said, my mom and I have managed to be the closest of friends throughout my life, but she’s still my mother, and there are still those moments when she says something that makes me cringe. You know the kind of cringe that makes your whole body pucker? The kind of cringe that makes you wish you could scour what you just heard from your eardrums with a piece of steel wool? That kind of cringe.
YOU PROBABLY LIKE: 20 THINGS WOMEN WOULD DO FOR THEIR BESTIES
Let’s start with when she says the word Continue reading
Things That Made Guys HOT in The 80s – What Were We Thinking?
It’s funny, I used to be attracted to many different things than I am now (a decade into marriage). Back in the 80s, a mullet might have been enough to get my heart racing (Stop judging, I meant, a nice mullet OK? One that’s all feathery and flippy, not frizzy or straggly.) Now, simply remembering trash day without a reminder is super hot.
I have to say, I never would’ve anticipated my prerequisites would become so boring, lackluster, cliche, unexciting, sad … (though, when I look back, the attributes I used to find sexy, desirable, and like, so awesome, are somewhat, um, embarrassing.
Did you not find these things sexy too?
This was Totally Hot in the 80s:
1. Like I said: A mullet and not just any mullet, one with panache, one with style, one that was well maintained, one with a mind of its own (like its owner). Think, Rob Lowe in St. Elmos Fire, or John Stamos on Full House or … let’s give props to the best mullet of all time … James Spader’s a la Pretty in Pink.
2. If you could quote movies, you were a stud. I’m serious, anything from “Can you describe the ruckus?” to “I guess I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue” to Continue reading
40 Things Gen Xers Did Growing Up -That Our Kids Will Never Need to Do
Last night, as Ry, my 9yo daughter ran out of the room to grab a blanket she yelled, “Mom, press pause, OK?”
“Um, I would … if we weren’t playing cards.”
Did she really ask me to press pause during a game of UNO?
Kids are so used to being able to can control anything with the push of a button –they can “stop,” and “pause,” and “delete,” and “restart” pretty much anything, including their toothbrushes. It makes playing a game like UNO in this day and age seem pretty archaic.
As a child, I recall hearing Baby Boomers talk about watching black and white television, listening to radio soap operas, or playing 78rpm records … and thinking how totally obsolete those activities are to my generation. As an adult, I realize there were so many things Gen Xers did as a children that my children would currently find beyond antiquated and obsolete or better yet, wouldn’t even understand the need for in the first place.
Here are just a few things my kids will never have to do (some of which I enjoyed very much):
- Ignore the B-side
- Mail a letter
- Use all their fingers to type
- Fill an ice tray
- Get up to turn the channel (while possibly walking across static causing shag carpets, no less).
- Survive with only 4 channels
- Blow on a video game cartridge. I still do this with scratched DVDs — it makes my kids laugh.
- Write notes in class
- Learn to spell
- Get information from reference books
- Be a part of a family decision in which you decide whether to buy a Beta or VHS player
- Write a check
- See #11 but sub in Atari and Coleco vision Continue reading
15 Tools Moms Need For Survival AKA The Swiss Mommy Knife
Recently, on a road trip to Disney, I was rummaging through the contents of the arm rest compartment for some tissues when I realized the old maxi pad, that had somehow gotten stuck to the inside, would have to be peeled off to sub in for some Kleenex. Plus it had wings, which would make for easy clean-up.
I looked at my mother and said, “We need to invent some kind of portable tool that has all the necessary mommy accoutrements to tackle any parenting task.”
Because we had been on the road a while and we were slap-happy and also listening to a Bratz movie… for the fourth time, we made a list of all the things said contraption would need.
So here are the results of our brainstorming session. I give you … the Swiss Mommy Knife:
1. An extra arm – I can be walking with a phone to my ear, a latte, a purse, a laundry basket, and groceries resting on my hip … and one of my kids will still attempt to hand me an empty juice box. Clearly two arms just aren’t enough.
2. A sibling separator – No matter how much they need to be apart, they somehow magnetize back to each other and continue to argue slap, and tease. This device should be something with a little bite — like a bug zapper or a taser.
3. An elevator backer-offer – I’m thinking some kind of stick-like poker that lets people know your kids will get to push the stupid buttons on the elevator. Regardless of their age, that is somehow the most important thing they get to do all day … well, unless there’s an escalator around somewhere. Continue reading
The Most Disturbing Game of Make-Believe Ever
OK, this is one of those “Really?” moments. You know the ones, when you hear something a child says and you wonder if there is any way on Earth they actually said what you thought they said?
This moment happened on a playdate with one of my daughter’s friends, Lily. Let me preface the conversation by telling you, Lily is obsessed with Bethany Hamilton. She thinks Bethany is the bomb, and frankly, she’s pretty perturbed that she has to walk around with two arms when Bethany is so awesomely rocking just the one.
Yes, she’s pulled an arm off a Barbie or two, but aside from that, she’s pretty harmless and extremely smart.
The girls had just watched Soul Surfer, (which if you haven’t seen it, is truly inspirational) and we were heading out for FroYo when this rather dark conversation occurred.
Lily: (All smiley and chipper) Let’s pretend we both lost an arm to a sharks.
Ry: (Up for anything.) OK.
Lily: How did you lose yours? I lost mine in the middle of catching a gnarly wave. Maybe you lost yours hanging on your board watching me?
Is this conversation actually happening??? What happened to playing house? Continue reading
Why Having Memory Problems Like Brain Fog and Momnesia Sucks – Reason #342
The explanation for memory problems #342 is actually titled: No one is named Chaka Khan. Yes, it may seem obscure, but I bet you’ve come across it once or twice. Well, if you, like me, have disabling brain fog (due to having once birthed a child, meds that don’t agree with your mind, or maybe some kind of Gluten sensitivity). I’m not saying I have a gluten allergy, but it’s super trendy to have one, so I may pick one up for Fall.
So, here is why Reason #341: They Charge a Fee For Forgetting Appointments Even if You’re Going to Talk to a Doctor about Forgetfulness, is no longer the final reason… Continue reading
45 Insane Things Your Kid Will Say on Your Disney Vacation
A few years back when my little one was slightly pissed that Belle’s dress was prettier than hers.
What I marvel at, aside from the throngs of people chomping on those Neanderthal looking turkey legs, is the fact that my kids can find things to cry and complain about almost constantly in the place where dreams come true.
Luckily, mine weren’t the only ones. Sure my daughter may have set some kids off when she screamed Mickey Mouse is DEAD in a crowded room? Oh, that happened as I was explaining to her that Walt Disney (the original Mickey) was dead. Um, my bad, but she did ask.
And yes, my daughter may have shed a tear about getting the “wrong” colored magic carpet, but I watched a toddler flailing on the ground exclaiming his ice cream was too “drippy.” Nothing like watching other people with their children to make you feel sane! That said, here are things your children will probably cry about in the “happiest place on Earth.”
Imagine the following phrases said through dramatic tears, possible foot stomping, and maybe even ground flailing…
- I got wet on that water ride!
- I didn’t get wet enough on that water ride!
- That character is looking at me!
- The guy dressed as Nemo doesn’t look real … like he does in the movie!
- You took one of my french fries!
- Belle’s dress is prettier than mine!
- My socks hurt!
- My hotdog touched my french fries! Continue reading
There is No Good Reason to Properly Guess Someone’s Age, Size or Pregnancy Status – EVER!
When a woman, who was not carny folk, guessed my age on the nose, I realized there is NEVER any reason to hit that nail on the head… NEVER.
Last week, I was getting a lovely facial, as any facial should be. Wait, did I say
lovely, because I meant frightening, and horrifyingly stressful.
There, that’s better.
Sure, the goal of any facial is anti-aging, but this woman looked me right in the pores with one of those magnifying thingamabobs and said, “Let me guess, you’re about 41?”
“Fuck you! You, evil black-head sucking bitch!” I yelled at the top of my lungs as I smushed the Vitamin C Ester Detoxifying Anti-Aging mask, she was applying, into her eyes.
OK fine, I didn’t do that, but I thought about it, I thought about it hard. I believe I said something more cowardly like, “No, I’m actually 40 and a half.” Then I squeezed the tears from running down my face (as she’d have no trouble spotting them with her all seeing glass).
“Yes, I could tell,” she went on smugly, as if I had asked how she knew, “because some of your pores are rather enlarged and I don’t see naso-labial folds this deep in people under 40.”
“Really, because I’ve had those marionette lines since I was a child.” I said defensively in an ‘I’ll Show You,’ kinda way. Though, it probably made me sound like I used to be some creepy Howdy Doody looking kid, instead. Continue reading
My New Trick To Make Me Seem Like the Perfect Parent and Spouse
In the post, I’m Freakin June Cleaver Gosh Darn’it, I realized that when you translate anything you say into the 50s speak, it makes you seem really wholesome and attentive and frankly, perfect. You know, the way British accents make you sound smart?
That said, I shall tell you about my day, 50’s style (don’t worry, I’ll translate it back), so that you can see what a little “era tweaking” can do for your reputation as a mother and a wife. (We could all use a trick or two every once in a while, no?)
50s: My darling hubby gave me a sweet peck on the cheek before leaving for work. I handed him his lunchbox with the matching thermos and he tugged on my apron string popping the back open (such a kidder, that one).
Translation: My husband grunted something about “goodbye” as he walked out (not sure, I was still half asleep) he may have slapped me on the ass, don’t really know, too groggy to recall. Continue reading
As It Turns Out I Hold a Serious Grudge With Customer Service and I Also Have a Crush On Parker Stevenson
Cable Co: Ma’am, I’m soooo very sorry that we’ve been charging you for an extra TV receiver. And the time that we never cancelled an old receiver and continued to charge you for it… Oh and also, for the time we charged you for a brand new receiver and a plan that you didn’t order.
Me: Yes, that was really sucky of you.
Cable Co: Oh, and I see this is the 3rd time you’ve called about this since February and the person that helped you did make a notation, but never actually removed the charges from your bill or the billing for that extra receiver that you don’t own or even have a TV to hook up to. That shouldn’t have happened.
Me: No, that seems like bad business. Continue reading
How to Get Organized Techie Style – for Parents
As many of you know, I am the most disorganized person on the planet. I buy just about anything that says it will help me find my keys, remember my grocery list, remind me to make calls, or to take showers. My hubby knows to hide all phones when I’m watching an infomercial.
Recently, I tried using the chalk board I have in the laundry room as a massive calendar that everyone could put their info on – from practices, to supply lists, to meetings. We each got our own color chalk, so that I would know who wrote what. Also, I thought it would be really pretty and Martha Stewart-esque of me.
My daughter immediately drew a bumblebee in June 28th, so that means someone may get stung? If someone does, I’m totally having her tell fortunes for extra dough this summer (screw the lemonade stand). My son put one practice (though he has 3/ week) on the board … in the wrong color. And at some point, someone drew boobs on June 24th which I think means there’s a wet t-shirt contest that day that or my hubby is paying for implants … (I haven’t quite figured out the symbols.)
Because my calendar was a massive failure I found something tech-wise that I love love love! I was given a copy of Microsoft 365 to download in hopes that I would do an interview with someone about the benefits for moms and as it turns out I’m OBSESSED! Which kinda surprised me.
We are an Apple/Mac family, so to be frank, I wouldn’t have thought of downloading the program, but I know the world speaks PC. I already have to convert every file I have from Pages into Word or Numbers in Excel before sending it, so working in the actual program is so much easier. But what I truly love is Outlook! It’s like my massive chalk board done right. We synced it to all our phones, my Mac and my iPad and (you get 5 items to sync) and everyone put in their stuff and I learned to color code it. And it’s so pretty and neat and organized and remindery!
OneNote (which I already had as an app) totally rocks! I made lists in it and my hubby added things like buy shampoo, and my kids added things like, buy Kit Kats, and my dog added things like, buy me a new chew toy … the cat is getting soggy.
Plus every blog I started to write, I could pick up on a different electronic device and continue, which makes me happier than I can ever express!
Oh, and my Cloud is bigger. My Apple Cloud was like a drizzler and I had to pay for 10 extra GBs it! My new cloud has an extra 20 GB SkyDrive storage, (it’s more of a storm cloud).
And sooo, all that said, I did the interview to get more ideas from TechMamas.com founder and editor-in-chief, Beth Blecherman who is a dear friend. She just recently released a new book, My Parent Plan, which provides parents with advice on how to apply business principles to parenting. You should check it out. The interview is above and I think her tips are fabu.
Let me know if you use the 365 or were thinking of getting it and if you have any other time saving tips for me that you’ve found.
XO- Jenny From the Blog
Yes, this post was sponsored (thank goodness, cause a chick’s gotta work), but I ONLY write about things I love and that I think my readers would love, (which means this chick doesn’t work nearly as often as she could … but she gets to sleep guilt-free at night).
Feel free to share with anyone mom who needs some organization!
